A
female
age
41-50,
*sitme?
writes:My situation is kind of crazy, there's this guy that I love so much. We met last year in April and we started out he wanted to be with me but I didn't want a relationship and we didn't talk for about a month and he started coming back around and now I want to be with him and he doesn't want a relationship so we have this close friend thing going on. We have sex and we spend time together we have a good time and I am falling in love with him, we've been through a lot since we've started back talking but he's been getting into a lot of trouble with the law and he's on probation and we got into a big fight where I hit him and threw his clothes out but it was a big misunderstanding on my part and I thought he forgave me but he hasn't gotten over it.Now he's moving cuz he got a good job and he said that he was gonna send for me but last night he came into town to get more of his things and he was upset with me because he heard that I said I kicked him out and he ain't nothing but I didn't say that, now he's like he doesn't know how he feels about me but he knows that he cares for me and he's not trying to hurt me. What is my next move? Do I keep calling him? or do I let him come to me when and if he's ready? This guy is really speical to me, I don't want to lose him. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Moviefan +, writes (5 March 2009):
 This situation is a balancing act, if you make the wrong moves it will throw the scales off. First off you need to make him believe that you didn't mean what you said and explain to him why you said this. Just saying you didn't mean it isn't enough because he could think its just a cheap excuse. Also have you told him how you feel or are you really just as far as he knows really close friends. If you havent it would be a good idea to do so.
Do not appear desperate because it could appear as a complete turn off and kind of creepy and scare him away, this is where balance is the most important.
Feel free to PM me if you have any further questions, you didnt get many answers, good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): You may not like what I have to say but I really don't think you have a very mature relationship with this guy. It sounds like you are both in crucial developmental stages in your life and perhaps taking on another person is not the best idea for both of you. It sounds like there are a lot of arguments, misunderstanding and just plain drama...all because you both are not ready to be in a relationship.
My advice is to schedule a time to talk to him for a casual dinner or coffee. Don't try to flirt with him or come on to him in anyway. Represent yourself as a friend and someone who has is best interest at heart. Tell him that you were wrong to throw out his clothes and lose your temper (because let's face it, you were). Tell him that you are interested in things changing for the better and that you truly care for him and understand that maybe a little bit of distance might be good for you both to mature and get settled. But emphasize you really want to be friends with him and care for him. This is the first step in a new direction and it is the most important part of any romance.
The better friends you are, the better your communication will be and eventually the more stable your relationship will be.
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A
male
reader, wiseacre +, writes (5 March 2009):
Let him go. Get yourself some anger management counseling. For that matter, just get some counseling. Learn why you're interested in a man who is involved with the wrong side of the law (always a bad thing), why you would get so mad you'd physically assault someone (talk about problems with the law), and why all this drama feels normal to you.
Because it shouldn't.
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