A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have feelings for a guy and he also has feelings for me.i been talking to him for about a month now and about two weeks ago he told me that he has a two year old little girl and a seven month baby and he also lives he with his babies mother.now he tells me that he wants to get to know me and he is unhappy with his babies mother.he is a very sweet person and im very into him,but i don't know if i should belive him or not and the last thing i want to do is destroy his famiy. i have'nt spoken to him in about a week and he does call me almost everyday but i dont know what to tell him so i dont pick up my phone,what should i do with him should i continue our relationship or should i let him go? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (28 September 2008):
 Another thing... After you have this talk with him... DON'T accept his calls anymore... and distance yourself from him at work. BE STRONG.
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (28 September 2008):
If you REALLY feel the need to justify to him about why you are avoiding him... First of all, write down exactly what you want to say. It will help you "get it right". Make it "short and sweet" Send him a text message or accept one of his calls. By accepting one of his calls, you will be able to say "I gotta go now" when it gets too heavy.
What I would say is:
" I made a mistake getting involved into a situation like this, and I am very unconfortable with it. If you didn't have a family behind you, things would have been different. But you DO have a family, and I don't feel comfortable continuing this relationship as it is going. We need to stop this. I don't "dislike you" but Please stop calling me."
If he begins "Sweet Talking" you.... Say, "I stand FIRM on my decision, I gotta go now"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advise it helped me alot,im still not picking up his calls but i feel like i should tell him how i feel and why im avoiding him. i want to tell him that i dont want to be his other women and i just wanna be friends with him.the thing is that i do see him often because we work around each, i dont want him to see me and start saying things to me and we have problems so i rather stop it now then just stop talking to him completly.what do you think?is that a good idea?
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A
female
reader, pergatory  +, writes (24 September 2008):
dont answer the phone ,even though it is him desroying his family,anyone male or female who is telling sad and lonley stories about thier relationship,while they are in them,looking to start something new when they havnt ended the old ,is noone you want to to be with ,its headache and heartache waiting to happen!!and if this guy trying to get to know you better behind the back of the girl who bore two children for him.just think how important youll be to him.dont walk RUN!!!!
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (24 September 2008):
 You should continue to ignore his calls. No matter how sweet he is he is playing a dangerous game with you. What you are describing is the 'classic' beginning phase of most affairs. I would bet the mother of those babies has no idea he is 'unhappy' with her. He is displaying all the signs of someone vulnerable to becoming a cheater.
It's my understanding that alot of people who go on to cheat on their spouses tell the "other woman" (or man) how unhappy they are at home, how their spouse doesn't understand them or care about them or how they are not "in love" with their spouse but stay for the children's sake etc etc. This sets it up so the person they want to fool around with feels sorry for them, it pulls the heart strings and if there is already a connection or feelings there is makes it easier to ignore the spouse and kids and enter into the affair...because you can love him and understand him right?
The problem is - you will probably fall hook, line and sinker and expect this guy to leave his girlfriend and be with you....but the stats are against you. He probably won't leave his family and then where will you be?
You need to decide whether you are willing to be this guys mistress? If the answer is 'no' then you should distance yourself from him, continue to ignore his calls and give him a very clear message that you are not interested in being his bit on the side (even if it is only emotional). IF he is so unhappy he needs to address that - either on his own or with his girlfriend. It is best you keep right out of all that.
Just remember - there are ALWAYS two sides to every story. He's only telling you one version. His girlfriend would have her own.
You deserve more than what this guy can offer you.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (24 September 2008):
My answer is a big NO. He has kids and living with his girlfriend? NOT a good situation to become involved with.
Stay away from him. A lot of times, guys just want to have a "fling" on the side, and they never leave their significant other. They always promise the "fling" that they are GOING to leave the girlfriend or wife someday... and the "fling" waits forever, never to see it happen.
There are lots of single guys out there. This one is NOT one of them.
My advice to you is to stop this thing right now, before you get too involved and eventually get hurt. Don't answer his calls anymore. Use your "caller ID".
.... "the last thing i want to do is destroy his famiy".... You sound as though you have good morals, Stay with them.
Take care XXX
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