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anonymous
writes: Female here, 54. I have a bf who is 52, never had children. He and I have been dating, for 4 years. In Sept 09 he moved to go to work, at the other end of the country. Where his own family (brothers, neices, nephews, aged father) lives. The reason he wanted to do this was: he had a hard time getting along with my family. He never could really understand the concept, that I enjoyed and cherished quality time with my kids. He had seemed to grow resentful of all that gooey 'family stuff'. eg: the Sunday dinners, the Mom-daughter lunches, special dinners and times on birthdays (cards and gifts), the whole christmas family thing. My bf's only reason was 'his own family never did such things' and he also claimed we never had privacy, and he said that I was much 'too over-involved' in the lives of my kids. I have a close bond with my children and their partners. However, the kids always respected our relationship, called before they came over, included him in all family based activities, gave him presents at christmas, were polite to him, and seemed to display an uncanny amount of patience and tolerance when my bf acted petulant , obnoxious and rather childish, 'only' because he resented these kids visiting their Mother in her home! I am getting pretty fed up here. The original plan was, when my youngest son, (18) gets settled with his life, I was to sell my properties and join the bf. My youngest's son's (18) needs help, and I am thinking this life transitioning came at an coincidental opportune time for me. or I could've jumped the gun and made a big mistake. My son has had some problems in his life..errant friends, drug use, drinking, excessive partying, minor incidents with the police..just a lot poor, immature acting out. I am strongly encouraging him to get back in school and getting him back on track. This situation with my son, could take up to well over a year. And my bf is upset with that time-frame. He want's me out there...yesterday. I am relunctant now, as he's still unemployed and living, free of charge at his brother's home. He basically has nothing to offer and I feel he is awaiting for me to arrive there, with money in hand to solve all 'his' problems. He has also blatantly told me he wants the cash from my sale of the properties to help 'us' attain a house. Red flag here! He has not offered to go half in half..I balked loudly and I told him that the 50-50 split is the only fiancial situation, I would agree upon. We both kick in equal shares which I have told him many times, but he's not listening. He's pretty pissed actually. lol So I am relunctant to move out there at all as I feel like he tries to 'own' me, with these selfish little remarks. Last night, on the phone, I was telling him nicely how well my son is progressing and I got told rather harshly, "don't talk to me about your kids, ever again. It irritates me to no end..I cannot stand any of them". I hung up on him. I am fed up...really, really tired of feeling hurt and mowed down by this man's painful words and lack of support. I have always been supportive of his life, his family issues but he never gives the same support back. It appears that it just 'all about him'. My plan is to remain here...but I am feeling so pissed at him for being so unthinking ...he's behaving like a damned 'gigolo' and I am daily, losing massive amounts of respect for him. Ass!I don't really have a question-just had to vent and get some thoughts on my situation. And maybe any women/men out there, who are living through a similar situation...just heed this. No one should ever come in your life and manipulate you away from your loved ones. If he/she loves you, she/he will support, respect and admire all you do to being a good parent and a upstanding partner. Thanks for listening., all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): i am a single mom with no family to speak of... so i make it a point to let my children know how important family is.. i take them to see my ex inlaws and be involved with their cousins on that side.. reunions etc. I would never let anyone pull me away from them... you are making the right decision... stand your ground... im proud of you!
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 February 2010):
God, that's even worse! Definitely make a run for it. You are right, actions speak louder than words, and his actions say it all!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"He hasn't any money and is waiting for you to turn up, ten demands half."
It's worse than that, CG He wants me to pay the whole shot, not just half. I want him to pay his half and I pay my half. So I said no to that deal. And he had the nerve to be pissed. Pretty ballsy, eh.
He's a fast talker, tho. But, his sweet nothings mean just that ...nothing...zilch. Actions and words are definitely not lining up, here. Anyways, thanks for your input, CG. Very good advice
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 February 2010):
!!! He hasn't any money and is waiting for you to turn up, ten demands half. Red flag one. He's trying to get you away from your family. Red flag two. He doesn't even want you to talk to him about your kids EVER. Red flag three. That's enough of this man. He doesn't love you at all, he's just trying to get into your purse and take your money, before crushing your spirit and effectively destroying you so he can control you. The new plan should be or you to end all contact with him. Find a way better guy than him. I assure you there are better ones.
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