A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for four years and I love him to death. However, to make a long story short, he gave another girl "yellow" roses around christmas time because her grandmother died. It was obvious she had an "attraction" to him. My first reation is always to blow up which is a big fault of mine. He didn't understand what was so wrong about giving her roses. Then rumors were getting around that he was cheating on me, and she was even sending him texts that were suggesting inapprovate behavior. She later told him those weren't to be sent to him that she ment to send them to someone else. Now two years later shes gotten in contact with him. He has a best friend and he goes over there quite frequently while I sit home alone. However, what I didnt know is that she goes over there as well. He doesn't see why Im upset or what the problem is. Im making an effort to get to know her because I dont want to end our relationship because of another woman. Im supposed to eat dinner with her tonight...however when my boyfriend took me to his friends house for the first time last night and she was there, she left 5mins after I got there. I dont want to be one of those girls who tell their boyfriends what they can't and can do. Is something going on behind my back? Am I making a fool out of myself?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 July 2008):
 Although eventually, I became the favorite daughter-in-law, my mother-in-law was quite a witch. My husband had 2 brothers and she put the first 2 DIL's through hell. When I was dating my hubbie, he was working and putting himself thru Uni. He was running late on my birthday, and asked his Mom to pick up roses from the supermarket. I was livid when he brought them to me. There is an old tradition, that every flower has a meaning. Yellow roses mean "I am unfaithful" or "Jealousy". I was really annoyed, because I knew that his Mom did that on purpose.
You know, all those weirded-out feelings that you are picking up on? It's not paranoia, it's your little "Spidey-Sense" kicking in. You must know too, that a wife wouldn't put up with this, so why are you?
I'd tell him I want to have "friends" too. Then show up with the buffest, hottest little cutie (I'm sure you must know someone!) and see how well he deals with it. Too be quite blunt, he is just wanting to have his own way right now. He simply wants both of you. You wouldn't be this upset over nothing. Trust your feelings.
The real problem here is that you can't make him do anything. If he isn't going to change this behavior because it is upsetting you, you had better get your head around considering dumping his sorry butt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIve talked to him about it. In fact we stayed up agruing till 2 am! He tells me he wants to have "friends" and that he knew this girl before he knew me and that the roses were because her grandma died. He doesn't seem to understand that you don't just give roses to any person! But he doesn't see it. So I told him I wanted to go to his friends. I went over there and everyone including his guy friends mom was being weird around me which got me thinking. So I told the chick that I wanted to get to know her. We went out to dinner the other night and everything went smoothly but I still don't trust her. I hate that she goes over there and I hate taht he can't see why it upsets me so much. I dont want to break a four year relationship because of this because I dont want to give her any stasisfaction. I don't know how to make him understand. Hes seen me cry over, hes seem me try to be calm about and he still just doesn't get it through his thick skull! Then I was that on her myspace they have a picture together!! He says its not a hug but hes standing there with his arm around her shoulders and she has her arm over back his back and on the other side of him...its just irratating.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (16 July 2008):
No, He is making a fool out of you. Put your foot down. You do have the right to tell your BF not to see other girls. He has been DELIBERATELY obtuse and pulling the wool over your eyes for his own benefits. Not letting you know that the girl was there when he was visiting was not exactly lying, but is was lying by way of being a sin of omission. Now that he isn't covering his tracks quite so well, insist that you go to his "friend's" nights out with him and fight for your man, honey. She's up to no good. AND he's letting her get closer in the meanwhile, so he's no saint either. If you don't step in and put your foot down, she will succeed in what she has been trying to do, steal your guy out from under your nose. Good Luck, Sweetness. What a beotch that girl is, BTW!
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