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male
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anonymous
writes: I've known a girl for four years, but I've never met her! We met via a friend of mine. He was on the phone to her and I snatched the phone off him, whilst drunk.Four years later and we are practically best friends. We speak every day. We spend hours talking to each other on the phone. We send at least 20 text/photo messages a day to one another and we spend all our time on MSN if/when we can. I want to meet up with her. I have done for as long as I've known her because, obviously, we get on well. The trouble is, meeting up is going to be such a huge thing. My friend has said that she's scared things will change between us if we meet up. I don't think they will. My friend has told me that her "real life" friends don't know about me. She says they'll ask her too many questions if they find out about me. My friend says she's very shy and scared that I won't like her if I meet her in person. She seems perfectly happy not to meet me. I can't imagine my life without her, but am I really going to be in the same boat in five years time? Ten years? Twenty? I've known her longer than I've known most of my other friends and I trust her more than most of my friends. I just feel weird about the whole thing. If we were to meet up, who knows what would happen? I don't think it'd change things for the worse.This situation is somewhat out of the ordinary and I don't really know how I feel about the situation myself, but I might be a bit clearer with some advice from you all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2005): i totally know how you feel. I know this guy, i met him when i called my friend and he answered the phone and i started talking to him and we really hit it off. we have so much in common and i think that he is really cool. we have talked on the phone and texted a lot. i love talkin to him on the phone because i really feel this strong conection. i have still never seen him in person, he lives farther north in the state than me. but i am going to meet him tomorrow. i am a lttle nervous, i hope nothing changes between us. but for some reason i don't think it will. we both have told each other that looks don't matter and that we could care less what the other one looks like because we get along so well. we connect so well that i think this will only help the situation. But i can see where your friend doesn't want to meet you in a way. she is scared. now maybe she did say she looks different than she really does but somehow i think that you two have known each other long enough and i would hope she wouldnt lie to you. so i think you should talk to her and say, you know seeing you will only make things better because i can put what beautiful things i love about u to a face. tell her you dont care what she looks like its what you know is on her inside that matters. hope this helps good luck.
A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (22 September 2005):
Talk to your friend. Ask her why does she think things will change if you two meet up. She may seem perfectly happy not to meet you because of her fear she has that something will change if she does meet with you.
It shouldn't matter if her real life friends know about you are not. How many of them has she know as long as she has know you?. If they are good friends, they should only want to see her happy.
Have you exchanged pictures? Maybe she is afraid you won't like the way she looks. Talk to her about it. Get her to tell you what the problem is.
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A
male
reader, littleasianfriend +, writes (21 September 2005):
hey man i know how you fell i got this friends imeet. i was on AIM and my friend set up a chat room. we meet and became friends. at first she acted like she was fromiceland but after a while she said she lived around were i did. she and i have been talking a lot. we exchanged phone numbers and have texted each other whne bored. this year i go to her school for one class and she said she would try to come and meet me in person. but its kinda scary cause if she thinks im a freak then our frendship will probably fail.i think sometime you should go out for coffie and iff someone sees you just say you meet at a art show and were talking about this one painting/painters. or something. sry if it sounds weird. imjust trying to help.
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A
female
reader, leoness726 +, writes (21 September 2005):
It's a little confusing about why she doesn't want to meet up with you. You say she's sent you pictures right? Are you sure this girl is physically who she says she is? I was in this situation myself when I was younger. I met a guy online, and told him I looked completely different than I was at the time, and later discovered that I actually liked him! I simply stopped talking to him once he started pressuring me to meet up with him because I was so embarrassed that I wasn't who I said I was. You might want to let her know that there is NOTHING that will make you stop wanting to be her friend. That she could have snakes growing out of her head or weigh 300 pounds and it wouldn't matter. Just let her know that she is one of the best friends you've ever had, and you can't imagine going on never getting a chance to hug such a good friend. This way, if you possibly thinking of her romantically, you will never hurt her feelings because you've laid down the friend limits... but if you are attracted to each other, then you can move forward accordingly. Good luck!
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