A
female
age
26-29,
*ikkiJoy
writes:I love my mother. She's a wonderful person, and I'm glad she's around me, but only when she isn't talking. I hate my mother's voice, every time she opens her mouth and I hear her speak, I get this almost uncontrollable urge to hurt her. I've tried to explain it to her but she just raises her voice and calls me a stupid girl then says I'll stop nagging you. It's not the nagging... it's her voice in general that makes me want to scream! I don't mean to appear rude or disrespectful, but I can't seem to think of a way to fix this. I don't like fighting with my mother. I hate raised voices actually, even though admittedly I raise my own when in battle with her I don't realise I do until she tells me... Possibly a bit of background on us both may help.With me it's silence that matters. I enjoy listening to small sounds, but not a person's voice except for a select few, (before it comes my own is not among them). I'm a bad student at school but I'm not an idiot, it irks my mother since she tells me all the time that I'm intelligent. My mother is how any mother would be if she had me as a daughter. Frustrated. She gets irritated when I write on my stories instead of doing science work. She is a control freak on many levels, to the extent that she tried to make me do all science subjects next year in school. Something that'd most likely kill me honestly. She's been with my dad for twenty six years, and they've never married, my dad works away a lot of the time and my older brother is in university. So we are left alone quite a bit the two of us. It has always been like this, her voice has always made my skin crawl, and I can't explain it. To anyone! To her, to my father or my brother. My friends call me selfish and unappreciative of my mother. I've mentioned that I love her a lot, I do try to appreciate everything she does... I just want to know why she irritates me THIS much, it doesn't make sense.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2020): this question is very old, but it is one of the first-page results on google for questions of similar wording.
yes, it's entirely possible this was just a "teenage phase" thing. however, mental health knowledge has gotten significantly better throughout the years. so, as a letter to anyone reading this: PLEASE look at therapy for this issue.
therapy does not mean there is something "wrong" with you, or that you're "broken." one way to think of it is this: it is essentially hiring someone to be a source of support for difficult times of your life. nothing wrong with that! sometimes friends or family are unable to provide the support your need. seeking it out from a professional is never a bad thing.
now, i relate to this post. and the "urge to hurt" people can come from several things. the main one that comes to mind is OCD. contrary to popular believe, it is not simply being a "clean freak" or "germaphobe." OCD has many forms of "obsessive compulsions," and one symptom of the disorder is called "intrusive thoughts."
"intrusive thoughts" go far beyond the occasional impulse thought of "what if i put dirt in my mouth?" or "really big cliff! what if i jumped for fun?" sorts of things. intrusive thoughts can be extremely dark and incredibly distressing for the one suffering from them. even if the person knows they would never act on these intrusive thoughts, they are terrifying to deal with. especially if you don't know why they occur in the first place.
another reason for disliking your mother's voice so strongly: misophonia, which can be a symptom of autism, adhd, etc. i don't experience this myself, so i recommend others look into it carefully and with a professional.
another could simply be a bad association with her voice. many people have unresolved trauma without realizing it, resulting in "triggers" for these responses to trauma that they don't even realize are from trauma.
any combination of these is possible, or none of them at all. i am not a professional by any means, but i thought i'd give my 2 cents on this since i myself experience a combination of these!
if anyone sees this, i hope my response was able to help a bit. i know i wish i had some reassurance when facing issues like this myself, at first.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 I agree with Footh In My Mouth, please see a doctor.
Hypersensitivy and hyperreactivity to voices, or to one specific voice, most often is not as mild and benign as a " teenage thing " that you'll grow out of.
It is one of the main markers of autism ,for instance, and it shows up in other mental conditions.
Even if yours is more an EMOTIONAL hypersensitivity than a purely SENSORY one,nevertheless for that to happen there's a constant background of chronic stress, anxiety,OCDs etc.
Do seek help. It's very normal for a teenager being mad at a nagging, controlling mom, it is NOT normal to feel the almost uncontrollable impulse to hurt her every time she opens her mouth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): Its probably cos she is always frustrated at you which makes you feel bad about yourself. After years of this you associate her voice with the shame you feel and which she has imprinted on you. But our minds try to fight against deep feelings of shame. Its a survival and coping mechanism. One natural and common outcome is anger. The anger covers up the shame and sadness and feels more tolerable to you. Over time it becomes the default emotion you feel when triggered by her voice.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 I think you should see a psychiatrist. Your urge to want to hurt your mother when you hear her voice is highly unusual and even dangerous. You need medical attention. Please get it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 April 2012):
 It's because you are a teenager. Some times this annoyance lasts long into adulthood as well. I love my mother too, but some times she doesn't have to say anything wrong at all, her voice alone is enough to irritate me.
Rest assured though, it's you, not her. You're the irritable one, and her voice is in all likelihood perfectly okay. If you really don't think so then go see a doctor and have your ears checked out, or start wearing earplugs.
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