A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. When we met for the first time, he was with a friend who was a girl, and she had made a comment to him that "he was going to marry me someday". Anyway, as much as that was a cute comment, I see this girl sticking her nose where it doesn't belong often, worming her way into my/our lives where I don't want her, constantly making comments about him on FB, without actually using his name, always sending him text messages about the stupidest things, or giving him FYI's about his ex, or asking if I like this or that, and tries to make plans with him to meet for lunch on occasion. A while back, she had sent me a FB message telling me to tell him that, "she tried, but she can't do it, and that he would know what she meant". Let me tell you, that pissed me off. WTH? I am quite certain that she is interested in my boyfriend, and in my opinion has broken "girl code" several times... I did express my annoyance about this whole thing I told my boyfriend I trusted he would handle it (oh, and he let her have it lol), but honestly, I really do not think he sees what I see. I'm honestly not concerned about him gravitating towards this girl, and I know they have been friends for a while, well before me. If that should be the case, well, we just weren't meant to be. He spends all his time with me, and I know where he lands his head at night... also with me. I only met the girl that one time, she did friend request me on FB and that's all I know of her, but just recently, I noticed she is now friends with one of my neighbors/friends that she could not possibly know except her seeing replies on my status. I am going to call my neighbor friend to find out how and why they are now friends, because this is just too wierd for me. I'm too old for this crap, I do believe we are solid, but i feel like this girl is a monkey on my back and she needs to go away.... I too have male friends, and they never overstep like this, never. I'm really just not sure what to do or how to handle this anymore. Any advise???
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (19 November 2010):
 That’s good to hear that you spoke with your boyfriend about the matter. He sounds like a great guy! I hope he does say something to this so-called friend of his. I think it would be wise for him to cut her out of his life entirely, and delete her from FB. She’s overstepped her boundaries repeatedly. She may promise to change… but you know she is interested in him… and over time her old behavior will slowly creep back in… and the same problems will arise. If he doesn’t say anything to her… she won’t stop. For that reason, I don’t see any other way to resolve the problem. He could delete her from FB, and completely ignore her calls and text messages. But given her history… I would be willing to bet she would confront him in person. Let us know what he decides to do!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your sage advice. I really appreciate it. Like I had said, I am too old for this stuff... my daughter is 17 and she was going through a similar situation and I had to ask myself, "what's wrong with this picture?" lol. My boyfriend and I are both 45 years old.
We did have a frank discussion about the whole thing last night. I do not think men can pick up on the manipulation some women are capable of as easily as other women can. He was really upset about it and was more concerned about losing me over it, then anything else. I assured him otherwise...this is just not enough of a reason to end a relationship since he hasn't done anything wrong.
It's hard because he has been friends with her for 3 years before I was in the picture and I would never tell him who he can be friends with or not friends with, but this girl has crossed some boundaries, which changes everything and he realizes more now than ever and doesn't want to have anything to do with her anymore, and that this should never have been an issue if she was really a friend.
I really feel he should not confront her as it would only give her what she was looking for... attention and accomplishment that she caused a riff in our relationship. Well, actually we are fine, but she won't see it that way. I have a feeling it's going to be hard for him not to say something. He tossed and turn last night, and was up really early this morning... I asked him what was wrong and he said he was really bothered by the whole thing, and hugged me before he left for work.
Oh, and I jumped to a big conclusion about the FB friending of my neighbor.... but thank goodness because if I was right about it, some heads would have rolled lol. I told my boyfriend about this too. My neighbor thought this girl was one of our other neighbors because she has the same last name, so she friended her, but since she realized it wasn't our other neighbor, she deleted her because she has no idea who she is, and she has no idea anything about this girl or what's been going on. The girl had nothing to do with it, so that's over.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (17 November 2010):
I feel for you! It does appear that she may have a crush on your boyfriend. How old is she? She seems a bit immature… although, some people never seem to grow out of the drama phase. And if you don’t mind me asking… how old is your boyfriend?
I was a bit confused… did the girl say “you” were going to marry your boyfriend someday… or was she referring to herself? If she was referring to herself, that would pretty much confirm that she likes him.
The fact that she added your neighbor on FB is a bit odd. It’s almost as if she is trying to weasel her way into your social group in order find out more about your relationship… and get closer to him. Definitely, speak with your neighbor about this. That is just weird… unless your neighbor is a male… and she added him because she was interested in him.
As for the message she sent for you to pass on to your boyfriend… I see that as a way for her to say, “Look, you may be dating him, but he and I have a close relationship where we discuss things you are not privy to.”
I really think you need to sit your boyfriend down and have an honest talk about this woman. Don’t act defensive or attack him... but let him know you are very concerned and hurt… and something must be done about it now. This girl needs to cease the comments on FB, stop texting him, and if he meets her for lunch, you should be invited as well. It would be different if this was a really good friend of his that was NOT interested in him romantically… but she obviously has ulterior motives. If your boyfriend refuses to understand this… ask him how he would feel if a male friend who was interested in you, was texting you, making comments on FB, and making lunch dates with you. He needs to see things from your point of view.
I too agree with the unspoken “girl code.” Unfortunately, not all women follow the same rules! In reference to the “girl code,” what are some of the other things she is doing that you find offensive?
You said your boyfriend has been friends with her for a while… but you didn’t say if they are close friends. Would your boyfriend be willing to cut ties with her for the sake of your relationship? As his girlfriend, I believe your feelings should come before hers!
This girl does not have good intentions, so it’s best to deal with this issue now… rather than a few years down the line.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Delete,HER! And too many people ALLOW fb, to run their relationships! I mean what has this world come to, that we can't or won't DELETE unnecessary people that bring negativity into our lives? Before Fb, people our age, just got rid those types! First of all it's called a "FRIENDS" list and she was NEVER your friend to start with! You accepted her now, use that same power to DELETE and BLOCK her! That way you won't have to "SEE" what her posts are, concerning HIM! Can you say let's be GROWN? Then if you can say it, you can DO IT! IJS!
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 WOW, I know this feeling of being too old for this crap, I've been exactly where you are.
And now, I wish I'd just let her hang herself, but I dint, I let her wind me up by 'trying' to involve herself, and all that happened was a breakdown in my relationship with my bloke, as I spent most of the time winnying to him bout her, and finally we ended, she comforted him, then dated him for 2 weeks, and he dint blame her for it, just my insecurities. Finally he saw her for what she was, (manipulating kaniving wench,) like he would have done eventually, if i'd kept it happy between us, and ended it.(he regrets losing me now, hahaha)
I'm like you, believe in the unwritten girl code, but so many dont, I'm still sat here with a black eye from that girl who I thought stole my man, she dint, I gave him to her, so sit tight, ignore her, take her off your facebook, and dont fuss with her, He has made his stance on how he feels bout you, rise above it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Ok well it sounds to me like you trust your boyfriend not to go near this girl or over step the friend mark so thats good because that would be the biggest problem.
It sounds to me like this girl might just feel that you have taken her friend away from her and she is jelous am not quite convinced that she wants him sexually i would say its just more of a territorial thing with her.
Your boyfriend probably doesnt see this as a problem because he has known her for so long and he knows what she is like. If it bothers you her making comments on your facebook then delete her as a friend and block her from your page, ask you neighbour how she knows her and then sit down with your boyfriend and tell him exactly how you feel.
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