A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I have no life. Sure, I have my family, I have friends, I have a boyfriend.. but it seems that everybody's got their own thing going already and I'm left feeling lifeless. I don't know why I feel this way.. I don't want to feel this way.I don't want to be the one always coming up to them and hangout with them because I'm scared I'll be labelled as clingy or smothering. When I stay at home, I feel so suffocated. It's like I can't spend a whole day at home, I need to go out. But then I don't always have the car with me and then if I do have the car, I don't know who to hangout with or where, and I always feel like hanging out with especially my boyfriend..but I really don't want to be clingy.Is it the fact that my boyfriend works for months and months, and when he comes back, he's only here for 2 or 3 months? If it is, then why do I feel like I'm the only who wants to see him a lot? I mean of course he doesn't mind seeing me a lot. It's just me who's thinking that I shouldn't because guys usually get sick easily when they have too much of something. Anyway..can you guys offer me any advice on how to solve this loneliness? I'm so lost. It's like I feel depressed sitting in front of the computer waiting for life to happen but it just stays dull..- watching tv: i could only watch so much tv..in the end i'll still feel lonely- sleep: waking up from sleep, i still feel down- going online: there's nobody to talk to- my family: i can't really talk to my family about how i feel, they don't really understandI feel like I'm going crazy :(My boyfriend is going away with his family tomorrow for a 4-day vacation..he did ask if I want to come along but I can't since I've already went to a few vacations with him already in the past few months and I know my mother wouldn't object but I can only guess that she would prefer if I'm at home. I guess maybe that's why I've been feeling more down now..it's being apart and the feeling of "left behind" really gets me down.. I hope you guys can help motivate me and with ur advice, help me through this..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): hi, i came across your concerns coz i am feeling the same thing. there was a point in my life where i lost almost everything all at once, yes, even my closest confidante. it was hard, yet i learned that sometimes, we have to be alone in order to appreciate our time with other people more. the other comments were truly excellent, and yes, exercise will help you a whole lot. i lost 20 lbs alone, by going to the gym and having the freedom to choose what i should eat (think about being with friends and pig out somewhere). i also saved some money coz i didnt go out a whole lot. sometimes, we just have to make the most of everything no matter how hopeless the situation maybe. just hang in there, and enjoy being alone for now coz time will come, you would wish you have no kids and husbands and in laws to attend to.. ok? God bless you and may you find happiness in anything!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies guys. He's flying off with his family today, and yesterday I sort of had a breakdown because I always have anxiety attacks whenever I feel so stressed about something. I know it's nothing to be stressed about, but I guess it's just the way I react to things :S And maybe I'm used to reacting that way whenever he has to go for months so maybe my body has gotten used to responding that way. I talked it over last night with my bestfriend and my close cousin and I've calmed down a bit, and also by reading your replies.
So, I plan to buy a book today which I can totally immerse myself into, and maybe I'll try to ask one of my friends if they're free so maybe we can go to a gym today or tomorrow. I know there's nothing for me to complain about, but it just feels like I was so trapped and I guess the reason is because I just let myself sit and sit around. But if I ever feel that way again, at least I can go to this site :) It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I thought I was going crazy
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Dont you have any job to do? of course if you only stay at home and waiting and waiting, seating and seating around of course you will feel depress. what about trying to do something. go out, walking at the park, cooking, dancing, listen to the music, exercise keep your self busy. dont give your brain a chance to sit and just always do the day dreaming. youre not alone, some people feel the same like you so dont worry. Just work it out. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's too late to join my boyfriend's vacation with his family, so that's out of the question. I hate this feeling of being down whenever he goes away. I hate this feeling of attachedness and dependency! It makes me look down upon myself. It's like, what happened to the girl who used to be so independent? My boyfriend and I broke up last year because apparently my clingy-ness led to him cheating on me (emotionally, not physically) with someone else and eventually dumping me for that girl. (I guess I was THAT clingy..). Then after 6 months apart, he came back and realised his stupid mistake and wanted a second chance and from then on I can see that he does really make a lot of effort.
And ever since then on, I never once let myself be 'clingy' or anything close to it. I was doing fine, I felt like everything was balanced, but lately, after spending so much time with him during our vacations and all, I feel myself growing attached again to him.
Like, his absence is beginning to/ will make me feel down and I don't know if that's normal. How do you stop yourself from being too attached? :( My friends all have boyfriends, and they too seem to always spend most of their time with their boyfriends and it makes it pointless to hangout with them because they'd always end up having to meet their bf or whatever. And I've tried making new friends who are single, but that doesn't really progress much - I just find it hard to get close to them because they also have their own close friends.
When I feel down, I start picking out the negative things in my life and in my relationship.. it's not healthy.. but I can't help it :(
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