A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 16 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I'm completely in love and my mom has given him her permission to marry me when we graduate. The thing is, is that ive been wanting to experience sex with someone else. I lost my virginity to him so it makes me more curious about other guys. When we get married Im not going to cheat. I would much rather do it now before im completely tied down. Can i have someones opinion on this please? Thank you
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male
reader, steph007  +, writes (12 December 2010):
You are right when you feel that you are curious of other men too. You should discuss this question with him, and you fit together really if he understands you. For a while you may give each other some freedom to date around with other young ppl. And when you feel that you are experienced enough, you may start to think about marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): They say that curiosity killed the cat. You have a loving relationship, which is the best place for sex. Why have something purely physical just for the sake of curiosity? And it would be cheating, even now, and you could break his trust for ever.
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A
female
reader, tamtam  +, writes (8 December 2010):
Like many of them have mentioned before, cheating is cheating, whether it's before or after marriage. There's just isn't as many legal consequences, hence why it seems more "acceptable".
If you're wanting to go out to experience other guys, then maybe you're not ready for the commitment. Imho, if you "break up with him first, go out to try other guys, and then see if he still wants to get together after", most likely you're not going to be getting together again. Too many things would have changed in between and if I was him, I would be hurt and not too happy about the whole "I want to sleep with someone else but still come back to you after" thing. Of course there are also guys who have fantasies about sharing their wives with other people as well as having MFM threesomes... Just think about whether or not you'd be able to be accepting about the whole thing if he was the one wanting to go out to experience other girls and that might help in making your decision.
But then again, before you go about doing anything rash, it might just be a phase your'e going through. You hear a lot of "oh you're so young, you're going to me missing out on a lot of things" and "you should really see what all of your options are" but is it really worth it? Sometimes you DO hit the jackpot with your first love. Sometimes you DON'T have to go through a couple bfs before you find the right one. Depending on whether you want your other experiences to be an actual relationship or just a fling, is it worth it to risk it? Assume the worst case scenario when you think about and consider all possibilities before you make a decision.
Lastly, just to offer a bit of personal experience. I had once thought the same way you did. I had always felt that I should explore my options (aka, be with more than one guy but of course not at once). My "dating plans" were to at least date two guys so I'd have some sort of a comparison to see what my "mr. right" would be like. When I first got together with my bf, I had actually wished that he wasn't the my first bf because according to my plan, I would have to be with someone else before I could be confident I've found the right guy. Nevertheless, we continued dating for a couple of years and, being his first too, we were able to create all of our first memories with each other. I'm still with him now and I'm glad that he's the first and only man I've been with. I can't imagine myself with anyone else and I no longer have the urge to want to see if "the grass is greener on the other side" either. We also don't have to worry about any problems with jealousy about exs and such.
You have a long life ahead of you and it's not like you're going to get married yet anytime soon so just think about what you want to do. If experiencing new things is more important for you then just break it off with your bf first. I sincerely hope that we don't end up seeing a question from you along the lines of "I cheated because I wanted to see what it would be like with another guy. How do I get my bf to forgive me?" in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Wow! These people are so hard on u. Some of the things they say are true but they are still harsh. Its easy for people to look in and judge but the truth is not everythig is as simple as it should be.
Its normal for you to wonder that. Even women in there thirtys think about that before marriage. I personal believe I would not enjoy sex with my husband as much if he was the only man I was ever with. By being with other me I learned different thing that I liked and did not like. No one in the world knows what's best for you but I encourage you to test the waters because that curiosity will not go away after marriage. And it may not be good for your marriage to have that question in the back of your mind. Again just my opion. But do what you feel is best for you. Good luck.
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female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Cheating is cheating. It doesnt matter when you do it. And if you are sooooo in love with him then you wouldnt even think of sleeping with someone else. Or hurting him. What are you expecting? Some guy using you makes it better? Either break up with him and screw around or stay with him and leave it at that.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I'm confused so are you guys engaged? You don't want to cheat on him while you're married but it's ok to do it now? No, no sweetie, it's not. That shows that you're NOT ready to be married. Go ahead call it off with him, in fact break up with him. Proceed to get your experience, and in 2 years when you graduate if you still want to marry him and he's game then go right ahead. For now, let's put the marriage thoughts aside. That's an adult decision that you're not ready to make yet.
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female
reader, loveistheanswer +, writes (8 December 2010):
 "When we get married Im not going to cheat. I would much rather do it now before im completely tied down."
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! That right there says it all right there!!! Are you actually on this website looking for permission from us for you to cheat on him BEFORE you get married??????? You are obviously not emotionally mature enough to get married!!!! Do you understand the meaning of love and commitment and sexual fidelity??? Obviously not! Please do both yourself and this poor guy a favor and move on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): You are in no way, shape, or form, ready to be married. Simply put, in this day and age, when you are not expected to die in childbirth, or from Tuberculosis before you are 40, you need to slow down, step back, and live life a bit more.
Sad, but young marriages often end up today with young divorces.
At your age you should be dating a variety of people (notice I said "dating" not "having sex with") and learning about life and love and relationships.
How old is this boyfriend?
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male
reader, NeoOnix +, writes (8 December 2010):
Marriage is a very serious thing and at 16 years old, you're not in the right mind set to take on something big like that. I know, I wasn't ready at 22. To most, marriage is for life and that's really deep. If you're talking about marriage now with boyfriend, the last thing he will expect is for you to cheat. But face it people do cheat, but to do during a marriage is emotionally and could be very could be physically hurtful.
Don't lead him on. Be honest with him and your mom. It's natural for a young woman to want to experiment with other men as long as she's protected with some self-control, counseling, and birth control. Mistake can happen and do with hormone raging teens. The fact of the matter is, you'll have to be up front with the truth and well protected so unwanted mistakes wont and don't happen.
Choose your battles wisely, be safe, be honest, and if this doesn't sound like a good move to you and you still want to have sex that badly-- save it for your husband.
God bless you and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): If you slept with anyone else now, you would still be cheating. I also feel you would come up very disappointed... what is the appeal of "someone else"... just mixing it up? Do you think someone else would be "better" than the one you're currently with? Likely they won't be and you'd be risking your relationships future by doing it such a betrayal. If you think of getting married as getting "tied down", perhaps you are not as ready for it yet as you thought and are more suited right now to the single life...
-Tante Victoire
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