A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have such a bad problem!!!I am in love with this guy, just so we all know I havnt met him yet...he lives in Canada and I live in the UK...I have been talking to him for over 2 years now and he knows me better than anyone else and I know him much better than anyone else as Ive gotten to see all sides of him, the side he hides from the outside world (his tough exterior). Im also going to see him just after christmas so Im excited for that.Anyways my problem is that Im so insecure in myself that I cant help but be jealous constantly. Im not a thin girl but Im not huge and he tells me all the time that Im beautiful and he likes that im more chunky cuz he likes to be able to jiggle an ass etc. But when you look on tv and in magazines and even real girls pictures online they all look so pretty and all have amazing and thin bodies.Whenever we watch a movie together (we put in a dvd and press play at the same time while in a call and on webcam together on skype) whenever a girl appears on tv as long as shes young, pretty, hot, sexy, clotheless etc im obsessed hes like perving over her and ogling her. Ive brought this up before out of jealously and he says he doesnt see things that way their just an actress in a movie.Im jealous of the fact I do not see what kind of girls hes around all day, I dont know what they look like or how they interact with him. I hate the fact he could be looking at another girl. I hate that it is 100% likely that he finds other girls attractive because I know they are likely to be celebrities at best and they are all picture perfect and thin.My biggest issue is that hes perfect, he says all the right things (ok thats a lie but he has said nothing wrong to make me think these things)From what he says I know he loves me and only me and wants to be with me and only me. And that regardless of who he thinks is pretty im the one he wants to be with and im the only one who turns him on and im the only one he ever thinks about sexually, bla bla bla.I know 100% I have nothing to worry about because he is all mines.So how do I get rid of these thoughts i get??I seem to tell myself that celebrities are all made up and have Personal trainers, make-up, lighting etc so ofcourse they look better and I can tell myself so many things yet im obsessed that hes finding other females more attractive or wishes i looked more like some of them and well let ur mind do some thinking...I can get really bad in my own thoughts!Its horrible. I seem to hurt myself so much by it. Infact it makes me think I should be alone for the rest of my life so that I have no male to worry about and get upset about.Oh also I seem to maybe think that once Ive been with him physically I may be able to shake some of this stuff because he can now show me aswell as say things to me?? yes?? no? ok i dont know....im a mental wreck i think.sorry for the length of this btw, i really appreciate it for those who read =)
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christmas, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (8 December 2010):
 hey i think its really nice that you have found someone that you can get along with really well even if you have not met in person yet and i hope that when you do meet he is all that you want him to be. i really think though that you need to get help with your own self confidence. you will not have a happy relationship with this man (or anyone) if this jealousy persists. you already know that it makes you feel bad to have these thoughts. have you felt like this in your previous relationships and if so what were the consequences? we need to remember past events and learn to do things differently maybe to get better results. also you need to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and imagine how it would make you feel if you loved someone and they were constantly mistrusting you, accusing you and questioning you no matter what you said or did to prove yourself to them. if you dont think you look as good as other girls you CAN solve this by making yourself look good! its fun and will give you more confidence when you get compliments. you obviously have a personality that he has fallen for so thats great! these hot looking girls that you imagine him knowing may not have anything to say that he is interested in! looking good is all very lovely but when you are in a relationship with someone you want more than just be able to gaze at someone! that wouldnt hold anyones interest for very long would it? think about your positive qualities ok instead of thinking your not good enough. and dont forget.. celebreties HAVE to look good, that is their livelihood and photo and film are mostly airbrushed and digitally enhanced so much that its not a true picture anyway.
you are young with your life ahead of you. do not let jealousy become a permanent in your life coz it'll do you no favours. xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): ok hunni i havent read ur question either but i read the guy belows me answer and dont listen to him.
You CAN love someone youve never met before. Infact having never met them can be even better as you love them for them, their personality, who they are etc and not a fasionation on how they look.
I met my husband online. We have been married for 8 years and I had spoke to him online for 3 years before I ever met him but I knew I did love him before we ever met.
Have faith....dreams can come true =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): woah dat was a long read alrite hah...emm first of all i just want to say from the guys point of view i can definately understand him. I am completely in love with my girlfriend. I love her more than anything in the world and even though I know she is not the best looking person in the world, to me she is soo much better than the thin girls that do not have the personality of my girlfriend, which is what i love about her. secondly, i would not worry about him "perving" on the other girls on tv, infact i was actually reading an article about this in a newspaper recently. The title was "Why mens eyes will always wander". It argued that it is only natural human instinct. Again from my point of view I can fully understand this. When i see a really hot girl on tv yes i do think woah she is awesome but i would never in a million years wud i change my girlfriendin looks or personality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Sorry lol I haven't read all your question, but you say you love him but you haven't met him yet. I really really don't think you can say you love someone without ever meeting them. It's a disrespect to the word love.
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