A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is really my first time asking for any kinda of help in this situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a long while now and we really care about each other. We have alot in common except for the fact that he is not a virgin and i am. (I am also a year younger) Lately, i've be having alot of thoughts about losing my virginity to him and the more i'm with him, the more thoughts i have. I can't stop them, and its really confusing. Does this mean i'm ready to have sex?If so, im wayyy wayyy nervous, not scared, just real nervous. I'm extremely self-conscious as well as not good with pain. I don't know how to act or what to do while having sex and i dont wanna look stupid or anything like that. Can anyone give me some genuine advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 Hey dol,
What you're feeling and thinking is totally normal and natural. You've been dating for awhile, you really like him and it feels like the natural next step would be to have sex. Well, that's your choice, but it feels like to me that you seem to be really trying to convince yourself to go through with this and that's not what sex is about, and it's certainly not going to make it any better!
Sex should happen thoughtfully, but naturally. What I mean by that is, if you really want to do this be smart about it and go to the doctor or Planned Parenthood (with your fella, even better. If he goes with, you KNOW he's a keeper) and talk about birth control and protection so that you can have all of your bases covered. You know you don't want any babies or cooties!!! So be thoughtful. But what I mean by naturally is that you shouldn't plan things out (e.i. "We're going to have sex on Tuesday night at 8:30pm."). Sex should feel like the natural next move and you should be so incredibly comfortable and secure with your fella that you don't feel any hang ups or feel nervous or scared.
Your man should make you feel amazingly beautiful and leave no room for self-consciousness. That takes time, so no worries if you're not 100% there yet. In a perfect situation (which you deserve and should have), there will be no pressure and you'll be able to laugh and smile, even through the pain. Keep in mind, it won't be physically magically your first, 2nd or even 5th time. For me, it took me a whole month to actually lose my virginity (couldn't get it in), but the journey was a total blast! I was 19 and ended up marrying the guy I lost it to. Awesome.
So my recommendation is to wait for a little while and get all your proverbial ducks in a row. Go to Planned Parenthood and spend more time just getting super comfortable with your fella. He shouldn't be in any hurry and neither should you! You'll easily have like, 70 more years to have sex, so there's no rush.
Good luck, sweetness!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): if you have any doubt i wouldn't do it. only do it if its what YOU want. and don't worry about what to do or how to act it'll all come natural to you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): You're self-conscious and uncertain. That really sounds like you're not ready.
You and your guy are obviously doing lots of stuff, and presumably you're enjoying it. That's great. There's no reason to rush. Enjoy what you're doing.
It sounds very much to me like you're trying to justify just giving in. If you're nervous, if you're thinking about looking stupid, then just wait. If it's right, if you're really in love and ready to accept the potential consequences, you won't be thinking about looking stupid. So wait.
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