A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this wonderful guy for 10 years.We recently got engaged a few months back.Things are great all the time except when we run into a VERY flirty girl. Problem is, instead of my man giving the flirt the cold shoulder he flirts right back with them. Last night he went up to the bar from our table to get drinks. He stood there flirting with the "flirt" for some time. All of This really embarrasses me, especially when we are in the company of friends. Yes, I have already talked with him about it. I told him if he wants to break off the engagement to "sow his wild oats" that is fine by me. I can always do something else. He thinks I am over reacting. I find his flirting very dishonoring. What are your thoughts?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 June 2007):
 What is your definition of flirting? It's possible he might be flirting while it's also possible you're insecure.
If someone smiles at him and laughs, is that flirting? if someone makes small talk at the bar, is that flirting. Flirting can be twisted very easily to accommodate everybody from both sides of the argument.....This person is too friendly...no they're actually flirting....no they're just nice....they want something....they're friendly to everyone....it goes on forever.
Look, we are attracted to and attract others. People like people who make then feel good. If someone smiles at you, it's a nice feeling. If the lady at the bus stop greets me and makes small talk, it could mean nothing or it could mean everything. If I greet her back, as I would, would she think I wanted her. Actually, it wouldn't matter what she though because my boundaries as a married man were in place.
Let me give you an example(true story). I went out for a beer last weekend with my friend. He claims some women were looking at us. We stepped out to outside portion of the bar to make a phone call. We were the only ones outside. One of the women came out, stood beside me and asked for a match. We ended up talking for a while. Here's the million dollar question...was she flirting, had they been looking at us, was she interested? Who knows. It wasn't going anywhere on my part as I'm married. It felt nice though, for a moment, to imagine she might have found me to be attractive. As it turns out, we met her friends when we went back inside(my Friend is single), talked a while and we went our separate ways.
Was that flirting? It depends on the attitude. We all put our nice faces on in public, especially around the opposite sex and particularly in that type of setting. We spend time preparing ourselves to go out because we want to look good. So, when someone notices us, it's a reward for our efforts. The other side of this coin would be to sit on the bar stool, look straight ahead, ignore whoever spoke to us and be extremely negative. Nobody likes those people.
If you bought a nice new outfit, and a guy at work complemented you, you'd feel good. It would build your confidence and reinforce your choice of clothing. The next time you had a new outfit, you might walk by his desk, just to get another compliment. Is that flirting? If you knew he would notice YOU, and might give another compliment, is that flirting. It wouldn't mean you were going to cheat on your guy but it would mean you were fishing for compliments.
You have to examin what is really bothering you and how blatant the flirting is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): He needs to consider your feelings here.If these flirting hurts you, then he should stop. Why does he feels the need to flirt like that when you are around ? I know most people flirt, but it should not be done to the degree where it hurts a relationship. He is very disrespectful to you. Have you tried talking to him ? let him know how you feel and if he does not understand then, I would say don't set a wedding date anytime soon. Good luck my dear, I hope that he stops and that you get happiness.
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