A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I haven't been in an actual relationship in nearly four years. My last boyfriend and I broke up at the end of our freshman year of college due to distance since it had become a long-distance relationship since going to college.Recently (about two weeks ago), a local guy finds me on myspace as we have mutual friends but never knew each other. After a few days of talking and exchanging numbers, he asked me out on a "date." It was a late start, and I finally left his house around 3am. Nothing really happened, except we talked and realized we had a ton in common other than our friends (I casually dated a friend of his, he went on a date with my best friend years ago, etc). We had kept in touch since, but the following week I was out of town. One night he sends me a text - the night I get back into town, wanting to hang out again (that night). I declined seeing as it had been a rough week and I just really wanted to relax at home. I added, "Besides, knowing my luck, this 60 degree weather will disappear and it will snow the minute I get there" because it started snowing on our first date at dinner. He replies with "Oh well, if that's what it takes to get you to stay the night." I admit I was taken by surprise by his boldness as he's what I call the Ugly Duckling - the guy that developed the awesome personality out of necessity, the guy that had a ton of friends that were girls but no girl friends (because he was a bit chunkier), the guy that all the girls say they want a guy LIKE him, but never him specifically. Now he's lost the weight, is very, very attractive, and is the lead singer of a popular band. And he's still got the awesome personality and adjusting to his new Swan life without it getting to his head. Guess that burst of boldness is from his new confidence.It is was this reason why at first, I felt like I was out of his league. Why would a guy like him be interested in me? It wasn't until after our first date that I realized that he thinks he's out of MY league.. that I'm just too cool for him, and he's digging the fact that I'm going along with him. At his sleepover comment, I laughed and added my own stipulations - pizza instead of Denny's, cheesy kung fu flick (since he's into fighting movies) instead of the movie we watched last time. He agreed and asked if the following night would be convenient since he got off work early and didn't have work the next day. It was convenient for me since my own work schedule coincided. The night was awesome (as our two dates have been at his place) - and while we cuddled and kissed, it did not lead to sex (it probably could have, but I led it in another direction as I was gauging his reactions - to see if his plan for a sleepover was just one to get me in bed). It was... different. Not different in a bad way by any means, but different than what I'm used to because in those four years of being single, I have had my hook-ups and whatnot, and this was not like those at all. I think it was the kissing that led me to those thoughts.In my experience, when it is just a hook-up, a just sex sort of thing, the kissing is minimal and just used to occupy your mouth while you're busy elsewhere. There have been times where I didn't kiss at all. But his kissing was soft, sensual, and his hands were touching my face, or my hair, or someplace where he wasn't trying to feel me up. And when we broke apart, he would steal a quick last kiss. When we took it to his bedroom to go to sleep, things did get a bit heavier, but not in a way that was leading towards sex. Again, his kisses... he'd look at me and just cover my lips, jaw, cheeks with a million kisses while I laughed. We went to sleep with me wrapped in his arms, his face buried in my neck. He got a call early that morning from his boss, asking him to come in a few hours to open, it was an emergency. He agreed, and we went back to snuggling. What surprised me was that he wanted to kiss me in the morning despite my morning breath. He didn't actually get out of bed until he was 30 minutes late already.I admit that while I was into him, I wasn't really expecting it to go this far - the whole spending the night, kissing, making out. But I see what a fantastic guy he is and all that good stuff, and I'm actually interested in seeing it through - even it leads to a relationship. And that... bothers me. Why?Because I'm terrified of relationships, but I'm ready to get over that. It's been a while since I've been in the position where I battle the dating rituals, where I ask myself "does he really like me?" or "does he want a relationship with me?" Is it too soon to tell?
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best friend, broke up, confidence, kissing, my ex, myspace, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
Still a bit too soon to tell. It's only been two weeks (according to your post). He sounds like a good guy, but be aware that men who use women do go to fairly great lengths. Continue to get to know him, continue to date him and have fun, and see where that leads.
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