A
female
age
36-40,
*mireles06
writes:My husband likes to look at porn. I don't mind as long as he is truthful about it and offers to include me sometimes. No it's not my favorite thing to do, but I love him and if it's something he likes then why make a fight of it so long as he is honest. So far, almost 5 years later and three kids, he has a huge problem telling me even if i bring it up or ask him to watch it with me. Recently like yesterday i found a crap load of porn on our torrent downloader and didn't say anything. Today I find it on sd card and he lies about it. It's begining to be a big problem for me. What should I do?ADDED BY MOD: I asked a question earlier and i guess i didn't work it correctly bc the answer was off the wall to me. i am a bi-sexual wife and i like to look at porn with my husband, get new ideas, types, whatever i like to. my husband doesn't like it if i look by myself so out of respect i don't. At the same time he doesn't look at it with me, he waits until i go to bed and recently started deleting the browsing history. (i know this because i save websites in there often) the sometimes i will ask him about it and he denies it to the fullest. recently i found a bunch on the computer and on his ps3 and sd card most places i don't mess with to often, but occasionally to download movies for our kids. i've talked to him several times always ends up in a fight. what should i do?
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female
reader, kmireles06 +, writes (19 January 2010):
kmireles06 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers it's my first time using this and i just thought it would be great to get advise from people on the out side i need to remember how to word my questions the right way. Thank you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Are you saying that he looks at porn and lies about it, but he gets mad when you look at porn? That is the way I read it. If so, I just don't understand that. Why is it wrong for you to watch porn and fine for him to do it. And what is his problem with the 2 of you watching it together? My first wife and I used to watch porn together and my current wife of 24 years and I sometimes watch it together. We used to a lot. I watch it alone, but she doesn't. However, I would have no problem if she did. I have even encouraged her to do that and fantasize, as she very rarely fantasizes. I think it is healthy to fantasize.
People who are criticizing you for your behavior are missing the point that you are fine with him watching and your problem is that he lies when he has no reason to do so. I can understand that reaction.
I really are at a loss as to why he is behaving like that. I am happy that my wife likes to watch porn with me at times and that I don't have to lie about what I watch. Why would I even think of lying when she is fine with it? Perhaps he thinks that women watching porn is slutty behavior or something like that. Think of the guys who were taught that women aren't supposed to like sex. Those ideas still exist. Just a guess.
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A
female
reader, kmireles06 +, writes (19 January 2010):
kmireles06 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's great advise but at the same time why should he be able to look without me getting mad if i am not afforded the opportunity to look without him getting pissed off too. i mean everyone is siding with him, but what about me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): I should have worded it better i guess. I am a bisexual wife and i like to look at porn and so does my husband, but he never seems to include me even if i ask him, he always waits until i go to bed or leave or something. and then i see it all over the computer when i get back or the next time i get on the computer. i'm not jealous of the women or anything i just like looking at good looking women too, i don't really care about the males. I can ask my husband until i am blue in the face, but he still in almost 5 yrs of being together refuses and it is something that really bothers me. What should i do?
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A
male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (19 January 2010):
 "don't let it bother you" is a little easier said than done...! But if you can do that great!
"No it's not my favorite thing to do, but I love him and if it's something he likes then why make a fight of it so long as he is honest" what's so bad about telling him that?! That sounds perfectly non-threatening and very reasonable!
Personally, I don't like to enjoy porn together with my honey...too much thinking about "Do I physically measure up?", etc. But really try to communicate your non-judgemental feelings to him...and give him time to get comfortable with sharing his feelings about it...
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