A
female
age
51-59,
*lamgirl2410
writes:Dear Cupid, I was in a relationship off and on for years with my ex. we could not seem to communicate effectively and I fell out of love with him long before I asked him to leave.only due to conveniences I lived with him. He kept a job and provided well for me. I just no longer loved him. our being together this time was another try to be together. about a month into it I met a wonderful man who worked at the same club. I did work with a different band at different times. I was so glad to see him come to set up to play, we hit it of wonderfully.I was so crazy about him we began seeing each other every chance we got, we stayed on the phone for hours and text each other all day if not on the phone. He was the only man I ever felt this way about so fast.its a year later and I still love him. I fell in love with him so fast. We hastily moved in together because I needed him help me pay the rent and he needed a better place to live. everything went great until he lost his job. We needed both incomes to meet the obligations to the place we lived.for 4 mo. I took the weight and began to feel he was helping the situation enough. I discovered he had only a H.S edu. and played piano for 20 yrs. no retirement, nothing to fall back on. We lost the place and we ended up living apart. his truck broke. I had to pay for it to get fixed as he had no savings and was just out of bankruptcy.wow, the twist is I never stop seeing my ex because he would not let go and he'd keep me up financially because my new love could not offer me anything but emotional help. They are aware of each other but are afraid of losing me so, they just tolerate me being with both. I really want to be with the one I love but he isn't financially fit and probably wont ever be. I was willing to just go for it and choose him and struggle together but this is so hard to want to do. with my ex I don't have to worry about money but I don't love him and we don't communicate well he has gotten a bit better over time but we still have our moments that make me feel I'm glad we split. I just love what he does for me. I don't want to hurt him I know he loves me and will do anything for me and I don't want to hurt the man I love he wants to do everything for me but he just can't Who should I choose to be with. I don't want both
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bankrupt, fell in love, lost his job, money, moved in, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Then I guess Mr. Stability wins hands down. I can't really say I blame you, "two hearts and a hut " does not work for everybody and the older you get the less it works. Not that all women need to be spoiled and pampered, many can do without, but I think they can't - and shouldn't - do without at least a reasonable degree of a social/financial compatibility, and a man who's able to pull his weight in the partnership from every point of you.
The good things is, if the both are sort of fine with this arrangement, you may not have to choose, it may go on indefinitely , or at least for a long time ( albeit, if I were you, I could not help asking myself why am I involved with the kind of men who accept this kind of agreement ! )
A
female
reader, Glamgirl2410 +, writes (9 November 2011):
Glamgirl2410 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies readers,
I just wanted to let it be known that I do work, I take care of myself. I am not looking for a man to take care of me like a child or anything like that. I just need him to be able to take of his self. I cannot afford to take care of him. In the times I need a helping hand I cannot go to the one my heart wants because he is always broke. I just had a birthday, with the one I love it was just another day, my ex wanted to give a b-day party I told him not to. So , he brought a cake and all the trimmings to my job so my band could sing happy birthday to me. and he purchased something I always wanted and bought me a 4,000 princess ring. All I do is make him feel he better keep the gifts and money coming or forget it. The man love has no knowledge of this but he didn't even get me a card. He was nice and loving this was all he could give. Asked me what I wanted for my B-day and that was it. I never got it. I make my own money but I like to be pampered every now and then, I do nice things for the one I love to see him light up with joy. My ex is excited if I just think to call him. Its like I go out of my way to be with the one I love and my ex does the same for me I know he really loves me. I just would like to be with someone who can offer security to the relationship. This leans me towards my ex. The man I love works and barely meets his obligations to himself, has no future plans for his life. What if we do become exclusive, and something happens to me he cannot take the load, like I did when he lost his job. The thing is my heart wants him. This has never happen to me I know soon will have to choose to be without both if I can't choose one of them, this takes up too much of my time in thought.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 November 2011):
This may be a dumb question but why at your age can't you support yourself . Don't you have a job, or could not you get one ? Can't you live on your own , or share with roommmates until your pianist straightens himself out financially ?
I mean, why do you even need to take money from Mr. Stability ?
Mind you, I probably would not ask this question if you were in Europe because here it is really hard ( albeit surely not impossible ) to support yourself on one income unless you have a career /specialization, and not just " a job ". But, in USA ? Recession and all, my 21 y.o.little cousin makes it on his own ! and lives alone off his wages as a photo studio employee- nothing fancy.
Unless you mean you need Mr. Stability's money to pass it to Mr. Pianist and take care of him- which is, uh, leaving aside any moral , ethical judgement... just kind of tacky, wouldn't you say so ?
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (9 November 2011):
 Nobody can choose a partner for you. Really instead of all you wrote... you could of just asked the question.. Love vs Security...And seeing as you will not be able to afford to live with Mr. LOVE without the help of Mr. SECURITY...it seems Mr. SECURITY has the upper hand.
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