A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm almost 45 years old, and I can't seem to get over how offended I get when I hear a man make reference to someone or a sports team, etc. when they say "they swallow". This completely turns me off and sets me back so much, I don't ever want to give my man oral sex, at all.I don't understand... what does this mean? I know what it means, but what does it mean for women and why do men feel the need to say this??? When I hear this, it makes me feel like oral sex is "dirty" and nobody respectable would do it, or swallow. I don't know... it just sends my confidence right out the window and questions my self-esteem... I don't want to be in the same category.I want to do this for my man, and then this one time we were at a baseball game, and we are joking/laughing, talking about certain teams and out of no where he says, oh that team sucks and they ALL swallow.... it just stopped me in my tracks ... all I could respond with was "take it easy". Then another time it was a group of guys and I happened to be standing there and one of them says, ya, and she probably swallows too (no, they were not talking about me) and all started laughing. Then just recently, my man is talking about a football team that's playing so poorly this season and he again says, and they swallow. And once again, I am right back where I started from. I would like to talk to him about this, but I am just trying to understand WHY? You (men) want oral sex, it should be as natural and acceptable as you give oral sex to us....and I know some do not like the taste so they pull away just before orgasm... I get all that.... so is it just me? Why do these comments hit me so hard and make me feel like it's cheap and dirty and unacceptable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Specific to your second comment. I hear you. Oral sex for me has had be 'nurtured' the context of a very comfortable situation, where I felt neither forced or coerced. My current man gave it to me first with a level of enthusiasm, I'd not had before. His approach was so natural it made me want to respond likewise as a natural extension of mutual affection. It turns me on, to please and be pleased. Of course you have to work out a few kinks and preference issue here and there, but it is very (or can be) intimate between the two of you... I like the power and surrender I feel when he gives it to me and vise versa. It can be very affirming, within the right context and emotion. Keep communicating with your partner and take your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): I am in my early fifties and fairly uninhibited with my special man, but I hate 'swallowing' jokes and crass comments in ear shot. Though if he did it, I'd be apt to remind myself (and him) that he does alot of 'swallowing' too. LOL! But I find the comment overall bad form. In my world oral sex should be an equal and affirming act. Men that are fully engaged in oral sex with women 'swallow' our fluids during the act. Yet the slang term of 'swallow(s)' seems to be aimed primarily at women giving head. Crazy. Another double standard.Bottom line: some men emotionally feel a certain acceptance beyond sexual 'release' when a woman swallows. They want it on a primal level and if the parties agree, it can be very rewarding for both. Too bad some talk about it crudely.In a trusting relationship taking his fluid is inclusive. If you can take him deeper into your mouth when he climaxes swallowing is easier. It is the flow of the sex that makes it exciting and good.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Just remember that those comments are not directed at you and are said in jest. While they aren't the most appropriate thing to say, it is all meant as a joke. Jokes fail to be funny if the audience dosen't think they are funny, but if you're the only one around who is bothered by it, then that's a good indicator who the problem lies with.
You should talk to your BF about this. Tell him that you know it's irrational, but it bothers you when people say stuff like that, and you'd really appreciate it if he would try to avoid such comments. There are plenty of other things he could say to make the same point. If he's a good guy like you say, he will do his best to make the adjustment. He may slip from time to time, but he will probably make the effort.
It sounds like you suffered some sexual abuses in your past. It is completely understandable that you're now turned off of oral sex. It is something that many men love, so I hope you can get past these issues. Perhaps councelling may be something to look into. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the feedback.
I do think I am probably taking it too personally... but I also realize it probably stems from past bad oral sex experiences. In my younger days, a few times I was almost pinned down to perform oral and I had zero control and it was not pleasant or comfortable for me and I avoided it for a very long time. Then there was this one guy who I was in a relationship with for a few years... he understood, was patient and gentle in getting me comfotable with it again and I gained the confidence and desire to perform.... and then after that relationship fell apart, there were a few guys thereafter, same thing, grabbing my head and almost forcing me. And after years of hearing all the smack swallow talk, it just hasn't been the same... I get offended and uncomfortable with the whole thing.
I am with a great guy now, and our sex life is amazing...and as time goes by we are exploring more and more, but I have yet to make the move, nor has he asked, and I do want to do this for him...which is why I am trying to sort it out and get to a better place. I really want to let all this go, but like I said when I hear these comments it only sets me back...it doesn't make me feel confident or secure.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 December 2010):
I think you take them way too personally. I've dated some girls who ejaculate and I've swallowed when going down on them. Who cares? It doesn't make me less of a man, in fact, I tend to think it makes me more of a man. If I'm with a woman and she swallows after oral, you have no idea how much of a turn on that is. It definitely doesn't make anyone look like less of a person if they swallow.
So, what's the deal with sports? There are lots of dumb expressions people use to say someone is bad at something. Some are more creative than others. You can suck, blow, suck ass, suck balls, blow a goat, swallow, choke, be pussies, be dicks, be assholes... I'm sure there are more, but all of these just came right to mind. The thing to remember is that whenever guys are talking sports, anything we say has nothing to do with sex. We could just as easily say they swim in a port-o-potty. It's all meaningless babble to mean a player or team is bad. Most guys just aren't that creative. Sex is always on our minds, so that becomes the natural outlet. Usually it's something they wouldn't want to do themselves. That particular guy wouldn't want to suck a cock and swallow, so saying he swallows is an insult. Basically it's like calling him gay. Juvanile and dumb, but that's the truth. Am I saying all guys are juvanile and dumb? Nope. But when it comes to sports, often level headed good people get pretty stupid. Mix in alcohol and... BAM!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): If he gives you oral sex why won't you do the same for him? If he does than you should understand why he wants it. It has an intense feeling and the orgasm's are more intense. I don't always swallow and most of the time pull away before my husband cums. It took me awhile to get used to giving him oral sex but he was patient and loving as I learned. Now he begs for it. Swallowing has an intense arousal to men-it is definitely an acquired act and I'm sure he wouldn't demand it every time. Give it a try, you might like it!
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