A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I’m confused. Ok, so I have been a fb with this girl for around 3 and half months now. She is 21 and I am 27. We get along, have a laugh and both enjoy the sex. Recently I have started to like this girl as more, and feel like I want to date her rather than just be casual. In all honesty it has always been more than just fb, as we go out places and spend quite a bit of time together. I haven’t been seeing anyone else, and she says she hasn’t. Problem is she says she is not interested in a relationship, and doesn’t want anything more than how it is now as she wants time on her own. Her ex dumped her about a month before i met her, and she is going to America for 7months in May. She said its not a good time and not what she wants. However, she is sending so many mixed signals. Things were fine, 2 days before Christmas we spent all day together, relaxed, watched DVDs and went shopping. During that time she was more affectionate and “touchy feely” than ever. Then out of the blue before she left, she said that was the last time we were going to see eachother and it was for the best to leave it. I was shocked and if honest a little hurt. But simply said i didn’t understand her and ok if that was what she wanted. She just said she felt although we weren’t together, she felt we were and wasn’t ready. I decided i wasn’t going to be pathetic and chase her, and should respect her wishes and so left it. Christmas day she text wishing me a Merry Christmas, that broke the ice and we sent a few messages throughout the day. On the night we had both been to separate parties with our friends, but ended up meeting up and going back to mine. We sat and talked for hours, about possibilities, what i wanted what she wanted. I told her that I liked her, and wanted to know where I stood, but she wasn’t sure what she wanted. If honest I have had enough of the games now, so told her we are either fb, and that all it is going to be, we don’t spend time together, go places or do things just have casual sex and both date/look for someone else. Or we date and take things slow, more or less carry on how it was and just get to know each other more, without thinking too much about it. The other option was to leave it. Nothing was decided, but from what she said she didn’t want to leave it, and didn’t want to be just a fb. She did like me, and the reason said to leave things was because she was going away for 2 weeks as of yesterday, and didn’t want to worry about if I was seeing others as she was away, I was single and could if I wanted.The next day I was up and had to leave early, she text saying she remembers having a heart to heart, but cant remember what was decided and what was said. We must have talked for hours, but i quickly filled her in. She was going away so was quite busy, i didn’t get chance to see her again. She text at the airport saying sorry for being a bitch. I replied saying not to worry, she was obviously confused and to have a think about options while away. She replied saying she didn’t know what she wanted, didn’t want to string anyone along and should leave it. I should meet someone else who is nicer than her and who won’t mess me around. We ended up talking on the phone, i explained that I’m sick of this its on, its off, its on scenario, and that from what she said Christmas night i didn’t understand the problem. She said she was drunk and just said things as felt awful and didn’t want to be a bitch, basically said she was talking crap. When infact it was her who initiated the conversations’ and did most of the talking. She admitted she thinks she does like me, and isn’t sure if she would be bothered if i met someone else. Her phone was dying and it was kinda left without being resolved, and we will talk when she gets back from Goa in 2 weeks. I’m so confused. What do I do? Do I wait around and hope she decides she wants to date? Other girls are interested in me and want to date me, so should I go on dates with them follow her advice and move on? Surely if she did like me she would know or have some idea, instead of saying she doesn’t know what she wants or what is going on in her head? Problem is i wont get to talk to her now for few weeks. Please help or try to give opinion, I have no one else to talk to about this and don’t know what to do!!! Thanks.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (10 January 2011):
 hi
she is only away for 2 weeks so can you not just wait til she gets back without going with these other girls that are after you?? if you like her as much as you say you do. if you both don't date other people, have sex but also spend time doing other stuff together then that's good is it not? why do you have to put boyfriend and girlfriend labels on? she was not split up very long from her ex when she met you, what happened with them? does she find it hard to trust men at the moment? it sounds to me like she is always giving you a 'get out clause' in case you want to go with other girls, so that if she doesn't allow herself to trust you, you won't be able to let her down. so that said; i think the best thing you can do is keep your hands off other girls in the next two weeks while she is away, prove to her that you are worth sticking with
xx
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