A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:These past few days, my fiance seems different.He's been going out to the supermarket, the one we always use, more than usual. And I know for a fact he HATES going there.I wasn't feeling well so I haven't been with him, when I usually do go.I found a receipt and on it was a new girl's name, that I don't recognise and haven't met yet, and it's obvious that she's a young woman.He keeps finding excuses to go to the supermarket, like spending a lot one day, then the next still needing to spend more, and then today he was like "Is the milk good?" even though we have half a pint of it left :\I'm worried he's found this new woman that he fancies and could be falling for, as he's finding so many excuses to try and leave the house.He wanted to go again today after the milk incident, when I told him it was fine and we didn't need any. He said he still needs more food, which he doesn't and then said "No, I won't go, you'll complain i'm spending too much" so it's like he's feeling guilty and trying to blame me.The next time he says he wants to go there i'm going to try and go with him.He also seems less interested in me and even though I asked if there was anything wrong he said no, I was fine.What if he is falling for her? Or fancies her? What do I do? Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, I had no clue it was related to anyone with Downs Syndrome (and my Aunt has it) - I used it because it was a term that old friends used that got ingrained into me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I thought the term 'mong' may have referred to a mongrel, but as I have never heard the term before I was oblivious to any other connotations. If indeed it's meant as a derogatory term for someone with mongolism, then this questioner needs her bloody mouth washing out with carbolic soap. Shame on her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI swear on my mother's life i'm not jealous of her - I was when I didn't know anything about her, and her name was just on a receipt, but after I saw her and her attitude, I know I have nothing to worry about.
Plus, I know my boyfriend doesn't like women with jobs or careers - we both believe women shouldn't work, so I know nothing like that could ever happen, I just have paranoia and insecurities.
And people have always loved me, actually, that was the problem - getting them to leave me alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): No wonder you don't like socialising, people find it hard to like you it seems.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): But we're not saying he fancies her, we're saying he wants other people to talk to. Just because she's female doesn't mean he has to fancy her. Doesn't mean you have to fancy her either. Your opinion of her (whether or not you think she's attractive) has nothing to do with your boyfriend's opinion of her. That might be totally different.And just for the record, 'mong' is a degrogatory term, short for 'mongaloid' - a person with downs syndrome. You are insulting huge amount of people by using it. It shows a great amount of ignorance on your part.As the older sister of a "mong" as you would say (the reason I took such great offence at you saying it), I can safely say that if you go around calling everyone you're little jealous of such an ignorant insulting word then in the house is the best place for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Is a mong the same thing as a munter?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou seriously don't understand the situation *rolls eyes*.
At the end of the day, I can insult who I want, and yes, she is a mong. I like women and men, and trust me, i'd never look at her twice (and I know my partner has better taste than that tramp).
Since it's been resolved, cleared up and it was just a misunderstanding, this topic can be left alone now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): So this Amy girl doesn't actually have anything to do with this situation at all? She just happened to serve him when he went there? That's it? And you're insulting her? For what?I don't get why you need to call her names. She hasn't done anything.You've made a problem out of nothing here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just said he didn't go to see her, and he didn't ask for her name, they come on the receipt - the till does it automatically depending on whose on it.
I will ignore the rest of your post, Anon, because it was nothing to do with the situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): I agree with anonymous and Gina, it is important that your boyfriend is allowed to socialise a lot, as his neeeds will be more social then yours, and you get a lot of emotional relief from talking and socialising with friends without your partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): Mong? She can't be that much of a mong if your boyfriend skipped off to the supermarket all the time to see her. And we know it was because of her because he had her name down. Checkout girls don't usually write down their name for every customer they serve. He must have asked for it.
Maybe he liked the conversation she held, more than yours. Maybe she doesn't insult people randomly when they haven't done anything wrong? Maybe he needs to socialise abit more because he is feeling trapped and stilfled by your illness (not your fault as long as you are getting help and want to be better). It's perfectly normal for him to want friends outside of your relationship, people need human contact and intellectual stimiulation. You can't make him feel guilty about that and needlessly insult innocent people just because of your illness. It's not an excuse.
You never know, she probably thought the same thing about you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Anon, I know I have socialising, I always have done, and I was just saying that i'm like that, not that everyone is.
I don't see a point in having friends or seeing people, I find it utterly pointless and a waste of time.
The situation now is fine, it turned out he didn't like her so everything is good. Hopefully the mong doesn't serve us again though, simply because I want my eyes not to be spoiled.
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (10 May 2009):
 Obviously your boyfriend doesn't feel the same though. He seems to want to socialise a little more.
It's been a while since you posted this question, how is the situation now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to be friends with anyone, let alone women! Even without my condition, I wouldn't go out much as I don't enjoy it :P
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male
reader, unclezak +, writes (10 May 2009):
It's totally normal to be friends with females even when in a relationship. My best friend's female and my wife always says how I'd be mearried to her if I wasn't married already!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Hello, here are my thoughts :)I think you should try to come along shopping with him whenever he goes. Not only will it put your mind at ease if you're feeling paranoid because you're not seeing what's going on, but it will get you out and about more.As for Amy herself, you say there is nobody you know there. Why don't you try making friends with her? This might help you socially. If you get to know her well, you could get comfortable enough in her company to go have days out with her as gal-pals, giving you even more opportunity to get out of the house. Just make sure she's aware of your condition so that you don't get left alone anywhere. Also, making friends with her will serve a second purpose - assuming Amy is a nice regular girl, she will be put off your husband due to good old girl code, that unspoken rule where one is not to get with a friend's man :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's Social Anxiety Disorder, not Agorabophobia, but you weren't far off!
Is it normal to enjoy the company of other females if he's in a relationship with me though? I find it hard because of my paranoia and insecurities to be okay with it, though I never say anything because I know i'm being irrational and it's unfair on him.
I am getting help for my illness, but it will take a long time to be confident again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Amy is a lovely name - both my mother and grandmother were called Amy. If the name is back in vogue I'm pleased to hear it!
I'm guessing you're suffering from agoraphobia, in which case I can well understand your anxiety about leaving the house. I'm also guessing that you think he's up to no good, but it's more than likely he just enjoys seeing her as a friendly face to chat with now and then.
I have several hardware stores to choose from, but I'll try the one where Jane works first - she's no oil painting but always has a ready smile and doesn't seem to mind passing a few minutes with the customers, having a little chat etc. She also looks very good in tight jeans. Basically, shopping there is a pleasant experience. It's nice to feel like a valued customer. Perhaps Amy is doing her bit to improve the image of her supermarket and get the customers to keep coming back.
I hope you get your problem sorted out soon - it can't be much fun looking at four walls all day and be afraid to step outside the door. Maybe your fiance is finding it difficult to cope with your illness and needs any old excuse to go out for a little while, and a trip to the supermarket is as good an excuse as any.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): i think that he was being genuine
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (3 May 2009):
How did he act around her? Did he look uncomfortable? Did she?
This is really puzzling me...
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay so I went with him and we were actually served by this Amy girl.
The supermarket was quiet and she was the only one on till so we had to go with her, but she was talking to someone else who worked there while serving us.
I don't find her attractive, and I am bisexual, but i'm worried my fiance might.
Because I didn't find her attractive (and I felt quite relieved) I wasn't jealous, and when we got home he said "I noticed you weren't jealous of the checkout person, well done - it's a big step forward for you," and smiled at me.
Now, he was either just being nice (which I think is sweet) or he's relieved that i'm not jealous of someone he fancies.
Which is more likely? Seriously.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): yes go with him next time he goes
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am planning to go with him tomorrow, and I have been there many times, just never on my own.I haven't been able to leave the house alone since 2007 (and yes, I am being treated for it).I just know he really hates going shopping, or he used to until a few days ago :\ He was always complaining and putting it off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I don't know anyone there called 'Amy', i'm pretty sure she's new.
I don't think it's anyone he's meeting because he doesn't know anyone here, we don't have friends here due to various reasons and we hardly ever leave the house.
Thing is, I can't follow him because I can't leave the house alone (I have a mental illness), and there's nobody we know here.
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female
reader, pebble +, writes (2 May 2009):
Maybe it's someone that he's meeting there, that doesn't actually work there?
In my area, most of the supermarkets, apart from management, are staffed by young college or university students... I'm not saying that's who he's seeing but... someone has definately caught his eye. Have you ever actually seen an 'Amy' working there?
Would it be possible to follow him or have someone you know that he doesn't do it for you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe does come back with food, but he usually spends around £5 to £8 there.
Well the girl's name is Amy, and everyone else that works there is over 40 and is called like Janet, Gloria etc.
And i've only found one receipt...
And there are only 4 aisles in our supermarket...
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