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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for around year and a half now. He is training in the marines and I see him every Saturday night until the following Sunday morning, so not very long. I try to speak to him for about an hour a night, if he has time. It has been like this since he joined five months ago. Basically, my problem is, I do not know if I actually love him anymore, for the first few months I was only able to see hime every few weeks, and I missed him so much. I cried almost every day but after a while it got easier.Before he joined, I kissed a guy from work (which is my part time job whilst I am in Uni) that I'd fancied for a while, on a drunken night out and didn't feel guilty for a while. When my boyfriend went and I realised how much I missed him and loved him I felt terrible but never told him because I did not want to hurt him. I think my reason for doing it then was make myself get over my boyfriend as I really did not think the relationship would work when he was away. Around that period, we went on a short break, it was very hard to talk to him about anything, because he just got so upset. Recently, I kissed another guy from work, again on another drunken night out, but I actually really genuinely like this guy, I've known him for only a few months, and recently, he told me that he really liked me but I told him I had a boyfriend. Again, I haven't told my boyfriend because I don't want to hurt him. But something is really lacking in our relationship, I wish I could talk about it with him but he is just so sensitive and gets upset. It would break his heart if I told him I didn't know if I loved him. IS there anything I can do to make see if I still love him? Or should I just give it a go with the new guy? I am 20 years old, am I too young to be tied down to someone? Is it just a phase I'm going through, like the last time I kissed a guy from work. However I do feel bored and stuck in a routine with my boyfriend, we tend to argue more now, but over silly things, and it is usually me starting them. I know I have rambled on a bit, if anyone is actually still reading and hasn't got bored, then any advice would be greatly appreciated.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): hunny think about how you feel- follow your heart
if its telling you no then ont be in something you dont feel good in. obviosuly you are having doubts so i really think you have to talk to him or else this wont be resolved...figure out if ud be happier staying with him or leaving him. maybe you are just bored and want attention wich is why you keep hooking up with other guys, tell your boyfriend this, maybe if he realizes how special you are and that he coudl lose you he will make that extra ffort an you will see how much he truly cares. but dont keep on hooking up with other guys- its cheating you have to be honest with him. you are making this out to be as if it is his fault when you are guilty too. TALK TO HIM ASAP
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (16 September 2005):
 Since you dont see your boyfriend that much I think that in your mind you already feel broken up. Which makes you feel single, hence the hooking up with other people. There is no doubt you care for him, but I think that in all other ways you have moved on. Are you excited when you finally do see him? Probably not as much as a person should be after not seeing the person they love in days. If that is true, then your answer is right in front of you. Your just a little nervous to except it.
As for the eventual break up I think that it is best to leave out that your not in love with him anymore and use the excuse that he is never around. Since he is going through alot with the training for the Marines I think he has enough on on his head, then to start thinking about how the girl he loves doesnt love him.
I dont think your too young for a relationship I just think your not ready for one. You have only been with your guy a year and 1/2 which isnt that long and already your bored. In addition to feeling bored your fighting alot and your the one that starts them, shows that the relationship is boring for you so you argue to add some drama to your day. Your also complaining because that is your way of venting your feelings without coming out and saying I DONT LOVE YOU.
You owe it to your guy to set him free. I am sure he doesnt deserve all the arguements and drama, so do it for him and yourself and stop the relationship now before you build up resentment for each other and a friendship cant ever form.
dee =)
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reader, pops +, writes (15 September 2005):
At your age, you should be dating more than one guy. Of course you two are arguing about a lot of nothing. Its not natural to be alone that much of the time and away from your Significant other(SO). It takes some time for most people to learn what love is. Mostly, when you are young, what you consider is love is more likely lust. Nothing wrong with lust, but it does cloud the judgment. LOving someone is a process, that is fueled by a true feeling that he also loves you, that involves caring about his welfare more than your own, and vice versa, playing together, planning together, dreaming together, and then, seeing if you can both live together and keep the rest going. YOu have a lot of learning to do. You don't have to tell your bf these secrets, but you need to work on the fact that your subconscious feels so guilty about the guys at work that you had to get drunk both times you kissed other guys. If his military career is going to take him away from you for long periods of time, then back it down a bit, and tell him you are going to date others. When he is home, he can be moved to the top of the list, if you are inclined, but you need to have someone close now. 20 year old men and women cannot be expected to sit and wait around these days, not for weeks and months on end.
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