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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been married to my beautiful wife for the past two years and she is everything I could have asked for. I love her but before we have even met, my high school interest had always been on my mind for the past 10 years! Although we have lost touch, I found out she was recently married to someone that took the initiative to sought her out and rekindle the relationship. That could have been me!A little background on my previous interest... We met through mutual friends and common events during high school and admitted to each other that there was an attraction. Unfortunately, there were many factors that contributed to us never getting together including our current stage in life, distance, and different ambitions. Eventually, we both went to different colleges and have not kept in contact but she has been on my mind all through the years. Since then, I have had other girlfriends but none of them can make my heart flutter compared to even the thought of her. I have always wanted to contact her again but due to pride and fear of rejection, I never did. I have since then met and married my wife an although the feelings for this woman have faded, they have never disappeared completely. Through a mutual friend, I have found out that she had married a friend in high school that had lost touch, and he actively seeked her out after college to get together with her. Those were my exact thoughts that I have never carried out.Now, I am filled with regret although I know I am very happy with my wife and my current situation. It still hurts though and I was wondering how to best deal with this? Should I reach out and contact her to finally close this chapter? Or should I remain shut (as I have been for the past 10 year and regretted it)? I will never leave my wife so I don't even know why these thoughts are even going on through my head. HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): I agree with pops. If this girl were interested, she would have looked you up long ago. Don't trample the flowers in your own garden by standing at the fence gazing at the grass that seems greener on the other side.
A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (16 September 2005):
 I am guessing this was your first love. If I am right you need to understand nobody ever gets over their first love. That's the relationship that you will always remember best because that person was your first everything. What is making it even harder for you is the thought that if you would have contacted her you could have been married to her. In my opinion I doubt it. I believe things happen for a reason. You dont know why she choose this man to marry. You said it yourself you had different ambitions, different road to travel in your life. This man could be the complete opposite of you. He could share the same ambitions, and relate to her course in life. The word here is "DIFFERENT" you two were different people. What your thinking is "i missed my opportunity" when in reality you had no opportunity. This wasnt a game show where you could win a prize, but you answered the question wrong. This is about love and life. You two werent meant to be, in the end you two were DIFFERENT.
From all this you know that she is happy. That has to be important to you. In the end I hope you learned about regret and how powerful it can be. So here is your chance to use what you have learned. You have a beautiful wife that your happy with and "share" the same course in life. SO be greatful of what you have now before its gone and your left with regret all over again.
dee =)
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A
reader, pops +, writes (15 September 2005):
Your old gf could have also reached out and contacted you, too. She didn't so leave this chapter in your life closed. Opening it will only lead to disappointment for you- she is married now- and cause problems for you and your current wife that she doesn't deserve. Let memories stay just that, memories. If you meet the lady at a class reunion, you can catch up and introduce your wife. If her name comes up in conversation ever, you owe your wife an explanation of your long time romance with the lady, and your reassurance that it was over before you met your wife. Most women are curious about the other women who have known their husbands, as are men interested in the men who knew their wives. Be happy and proud of the fact that you found your bride, and she agreed to marry you, and the marriage is a lovely work in progress. Don't stop the work.
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