A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for five years now. My husband and I recently separated and now he wants me back. The problem is he sucks in bed. I have been enjoying my sex life, which I haven't in the last past three years. My husband was decent in bed at first but the last couple of years he has been real selfish. For example he only last two minutes the tops seventeen.He isn't good performing oral sex with me, Ive never climaxed with him. For years I thought something was wrong with me. I started seeing someone else and I'm completely satisfied. I like to go all night. My husband on the other hand enters me for about a couple of strokes and then he pulls out so he wont climax as quick. This is so irritating, I want to make my marriage work, but the sex is not good. He said he been with someone else i wonder if he was quick with her. When I tell him How i feel he gets upset. what should I do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): You say he's bad in bed. Let me let you in a little secret. Sex in a relationship may be an idicator of how good the relationship is. With my exwife she and I hardly got along near the end. The thing you want to do is have sex with someone who hates you. Sex is a team effort. If he was bad in bed then so were you.
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (15 April 2010):
 How about letting him get a head start. Either with a hand job, oral, or masterbation. Wait about an hour and then go for some intercourse. This might help with the premature ejaculation.
I wouldn't throw in the towel on the marriage because he is a lousy lover. Maybe he is has premature ejaculation problems because you are so irresistable or so sexy. Or maybe he is just not good at sex.
Thinking back to my first time, I probably came within a minute. It wasn't until I had a lot of practice that I was able to give my wife more.
If the only problem in the marriage is the sex, I say teach him and have fun doing it. Give him a chance. You might find a better lover, but will he be your soul mate?
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Oh.. the wine, chocolate and ice cream are for oral sex on you... pour them onto the vagina and he can play pussycat and lick up all the cream... helps to improve his technique.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Hi there
I read many problems and many advices in the forum and i am not happy to figure out one thing that in all the advices nearly 80 % will say Leave him.. or her.. Dump him or her.. divorce him or her...move on ...and so on and so on..
I want to say that we all know that in the posts we get to hear only one's perspective and that too when she or he is not in cool state of mind. (an old saying is: Never promise any thing when you are happy and never do any thing when you are angry ) .
So we need to be slightly soft on the advices and take some time to fix things rather than advice every one to break it.
So my take will be on your saying is If you want some to fuck you, obviously you can find as number as you want. You can even get it daily from different Man. and that is how the world is which you can not change.
But i am sure you are that girl...
So if that guy is good guy and gentleman otherwise, i feel you should try to work it out.
There may some other issues in his life, health, his family issues or may be some pure premature ejaculation etc etc, which can be sorted out medically or by some tricks.
so no one of us is to gain or loose any thing. It all about you too and you too at home can work it out.
I do not see it a issue.
I am 36 and i know that at present i can sustain sex much longer as compared to 10 year before, when i got married. earlier it took only 2 minutes to now it is 30 minutes etc.
And i feel it is bad now because with time , sensitivity of skin on my organ got reduced However some girl may like it this way..
So it is all in your way of looking at things..
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Some couples are purely less sexually compatible than others. You have a much higher sex drive than he does, and he's probably not very experienced. You could see a sex therapist or get hold of a copy of the karma sutra. If he doesn't last very long, get him to wank more often (or do it for him!) This will help build up his resistance. Tell him what it is you like because lack of communication never bodes for a good sex life.
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A
female
reader, Mercury4691 +, writes (15 April 2010):
I feel that sex is really important in a good relationship. If a either partner isn't sexually satisfied this is when they start cheating or looking elsewhere. I personally wouldn't stay with a guy that couldn't please me. This might sound selfish. I need to be with a man that makes me feel sexy and If he can't please me in bed it makes me feel less attractive as a woman. I understand that you want to want your marriage to work but I feel you physically deserve much better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): at young age men come fast. so it is normal. They become more matured over time.
So give it a time. Obviously, once a week is also bad either.
obviously medically it is not advisable to do it daily. The semen and sperms takes week to replenish.
So i suggest that do not create problem if you do not have any. Be happy. In cool and good mood, you can tell him how you want him to do it. but do not make him become conscious about it else you will under go even more problems.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): Great advice from Mia. I really don't understand how guys get upset when a girl says he's not good in bed. Sure it's not nice to hear but for me it would be a challenge, time to open up a book and experiment with new techniques. I just don't get how a man can enjoy sex if his partner doesn't reach orgasm.
I was with a girl for about 2 months before she admitted that he hadn't had an orgasm in all that time with me, frankly I was more upset that she faked it and didn't tell me this. Sure it was nice that she cared about me enough to try to not hurt my feelings but I never found it a challenge to my manhood to do whatever I had to make sure I was good.
In the end it turned out that she only got off when sex, oral and manual stimulation was really rough. It only took a couple of hours to figure that out and we enjoyed a great sex life after that.
My point is there's no point in him getting upset, bad sex is bad sex but it's not something that can't be fixed and it's only a big deal if he's gonna be a big baby about it and somehow see himself as less of a man or something stupid. Sexual satisfaction is as important as emotional satisfaction in a relationship if he's not willing to take steps to improve then he's not worth it.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 April 2010):
He can get as upset as he wants.. he's crap in bed and he has to be taught to satisfy a woman...
You do no favours to him pretending your having fun, tell him that you both need to start at the beginning and make sex much more fun.
1. Premature ejaculation.
Yep, hard one to crack... try going on top, and when he looks like he's gonna cum, then get up and stop all sexual activity. You can also do the same thing when you masturbate him or give him oral sex. It's called the "stop start method", he needs to learn to control his climax, and you need to help him. Grasp his penis hard at the base when he's about to come, that should focus his attention back on technique rather than sensation.
2. Oral sex
Tell him what you like, tell him how soft or how fast to move and makes lots of noise when he hits the right spot. If you don't tell him what you like then how in the hell is he supposed to please you.
3.Pulling out
This should be a turn on, if it makes him last longer and it gives him time to satisfy you.. I suggest that you don't stop him yet, but when he pulls out he should give you oral sex to get you back into the mood.
4. Sex games and activities
If you don't mind pornography, it's usefull for getting your guy to slow down because you can tell him he can't have an orgasm until the guy in the video dose.... he can also pick up techniques about what might turn you on..
If you don't like pornography, then use your voice, tell him how to move and what to do... Take charge of your sex life until he gets more skill and is confident that he can take over and give you a good time..
Men are bad lovers when a)they don't care or b) they don't know. They are not born knowing how to fuck, and if they are the faithful kind, they don't have enough experience to know just what to do. In a loving relationship, both of you should work together in finding what works and what dosen't. This means a lot of experimentation, a lot of trying, some mistakes, and some funny times when things go wrong.
Here, great website which is wonderful for sexual experimentation when a couple are ready to work together to have a good sex life.... http://www.sexinfo101.com/
Sex with lovers is great, but not as great as learning things with a man you love and knowing it's love and not sex and together you build lasting bonds.
Make sex fun, get chocolate, wine (if you drink) ice-cream, put on a porno video, or just use the sexinfo101 website and play like big naughty kids.... Doctor and nurse is fun, and mum aint around to tell you what is wrong and what is right... Stop judging him, and just go and have fun whilst learning how to turn a bad lover into a studmuffin.
PS: Don't forget about innocent sex play, necking, touching with clothes on, dry sex, all of them teenage games are sex things too... and you can also use toys, (vibrators/eggs) so that way you'll always climax even if he can't wait for you..
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A
female
reader, minda  +, writes (15 April 2010):
if you love your husbadn very much and if he too loves you very much, leaving him just cos he sucks in bed may not be a good decision.
you can try telling him how much you love him and how much you want him to be a real lover in bed and if he did that tel him, you ll be very crazily in love with him. try to sound like u request it more than u demand it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 You could work with him on this problem and give him time to learn the new tricks. If he is unwilling to change,there is nothing you can do about that.
You will either have to accept him as he is or find another one.
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