A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:You guys have always given me good advice. I have written in before. I am a 31 year old woman. I wrote in earlier about my husband wanting a strip tease for his birthday and wanting to have sex with my while I was bound up.I adore my husband. He is such a sweet, wonderful husband, and father to our three kids (ages 8, 5, and 1). I would love to have a couple of more. Even after 9 years together he absolutely exhausts me sexually.My question is that he has one and only one sexual thing that he won't share with me. My husband has a spanking turn on. We will watch spanking videos and either masturbate him, blow him, or have sex to during or after the video. He has this one rather hard core husband and wife, spanking paperback that I will masturbate him to.He keeps this at the fantasy level with me because even though he enjoys the fantasy, he does not think a man should hit a woman and has reservations about spanking me for this reason.For me, I would not think of it as being hit or being abused. I would think of it as sex. I told my husband this weekend that I would rather play the woman in the book than read the book, that I would rather him spank me than watch it on videos. My thinking is that he would get turned on spanking my ass that it part of my wifely duties to make my rump available for spankings, that if he got turned on doing it, I would get turned on taking it for him, that I would take the pain and the soreness afterwards for him. He's afraid I would be angry or resent it, but I would not. I told him that if he ever changes his mind, that like the guy in the book, all he has to do is snap his fingers, and without saying a word, I would go to the bedroom, strip off, lay on the bed, and wait for my discipline. We had some great sex over this idea, but so far he has not taken me up on it.Was it okay for me to make this offer? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): Yes, it was okay for you to make the offer since it is something you would enjoy for yourself and not just for his sake. Since you've made it though I'd leave it alone. Sometimes what makes a fantasy so exciting is NOT carrying it out. He obviously isn't comfortable acting on it and mentioning it again, even a friendly reminder that the offer remains on the table, is likely to leave him feeling pressured.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (1 August 2011):
I think it is awesome that you and your husband already have such an open sex life.
I don't think it was wrong at all for you to make that offer - as long as YOU are okay with being hit/spanked during sex.
The first time he spanks you - it doesn't have to be that hard. Encourage him while you're in the middle of sex. Roll over and ask him for it. Then take his hand and put it position.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (1 August 2011):
 Tell him you would like to try it once. If the both of you are not mutually agreeable...then let it go.
Yes, it was ok for you to offer this. YOU actually liked the idea of being submissive/disciplined.
Maybe he is worried about taking it too far and hurting you.
Maybe start with something simpler. Out of the bedroom and clothed, ask for a simple swat on the bum. Tease him when no one is looking and tell him "Im a bad girl and need a spanking".
If he is worried about hurting you with his hand, try using a foam toy, like a nerf bat to paddle you with. All the effot and satisfaction of a spanking session with little impact. Reassure him that YOU want this.
I had a bf open me up to a spanking fetish, which utterly suprised me that I enjoyed it so much! I plan on telling my future partner that I like spanking, but if he finds it too weird, I do not want to make him feel uncomfortable/unsure.
Just like past lovers have wanted me to try something that I am not ok with...sometimes you just have to let it go and enjoy all the other stuff that is available!
It sounds like you have a loving, affectionate, passionate husband. Enjoy what you DO have and do not push him if he decides not to carry this threshold now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 August 2011):
 Only if you truly are okay with having a sore ass afterward. Don't do this before a long road trip anyway.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (1 August 2011):
 Sure. It's great that you two have a good sex life. And communication is always the key to a successful (and intimate relationship). If you've offer the idea to him and he doesn't want to do it...don't force it on him. Your suggestions and reassurance are good enough. Be grateful for the experiences that you do have.
What you can do is ask him to list some things that he would be comfortable and open to doing. You can also come up with your own list. And every week on a specific day (you can call it "Fantasy Friday" or something), you can act out the things on your lists.
Hope this helps!
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