A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to break up with my boyfriend. We have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now. He doesn't let me hang out with my friends, I'm only allowed to see them like once every 2 weeks if that. And he constantly makes me text him or call him like he's always checking up on me. If I have a lot of homework to do then he gets pissed because I'm busy doing something and not talking to him. It's like if I'm not talking to him 24/7 then he thinks I'm out cheating on him. I used to love him so much, we got along great and I loved talking to him for hours at a time. Now whenever we talk it's always an argument. He knows I have low self-esteem but he puts me down anyway. There is no love there anymore. He always asks me to buy him things. I have a job and he doesn't, and he gets mad when I buy things for myself and spend my own money. He starts fights with me or says things intentionally to make me mad/upset, and then blames me for the argument. He has depression, and I've tried breaking up with him before but he said he was going to kill himself if I left him. I just can't see a way out of this relationship. He harasses me, calling me non-stop for up to an hour or longer if I ignore him. He sends me texts saying he's going to kill himself if I don't respond. He has also said that he "has dirt on me" and it will all get out if I break up with him so he will basically blackmail me if I break up with him. I just don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no friends, my schoolwork is suffering, my relationship with my family is getting bad, all because of my boyfriend. I cry every night because I don't want him to do anything stupid but I don't love him anymore and it's not fair for either of us if I stay in this relationship when I have no feelings for him. I want to just go and get his number blocked and stop all contact with him but I am scared that he will come to my house or that he will kill himself. I really don't know what to do. Please help.
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long distance, money, puts me down, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Makayla5893  +, writes (19 March 2013):
You need to set up boundaries between the two of you. I have been through a very similar end to a relationship myself... I suggest going to the police and getting a protection order against him. It's basically where you fill out a form stating how he is blackmailing you and threatening to kill himself. Then break up with him, change your number and tell your family about the situation. With the protection order, he will basically get in trouble from the police should he come to your place of work, your house, or contact you and be nasty. You need to swiftly cut him out of your life. I know that you are scared he might hurt or kill himself, but like the other writer said, this very rarely happens. You can't let yourself be miserable!! :)
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 I know it is scary but the threat 'I will kill myself' is incredibly common and in 99.9% of cases the person never does kill themselves, they are just saying that to emotionally blackmail their partner.
If you really feel he could do something stupid - then call his parents and explain the situation to them. He is not your responsiblity, and you definitely need to get out of this relationship so you are doing the right thing. But tell his parents what he is threatening to do, so they can keep an eye on him and make sure he doesnt follow through on this threats.
You simply need to either call him or send him an email (or something like that) explaining your decision, saying that you cannot have any contact with him anymore because you need to move on, that you are sorry and wish him all the best. Then block his number so he cannot call you, change your email address etc, remove him from Facebook - and whatever you do, DO NOT contact him under any circumstances. If you are in a long distance relationship the chances of him coming to your house are pretty slim, but even if he does turn up just lock the doors and call the police - you dont have to let him in.
Once you have done this - go to your friends and family, explain everything you have told us here and they will support you. This will be incredibly hard, and of course you will be sad but if you have the support of your friends and family you will get through it.
I understand how hopeless you may feel right now, and how you feel like there is no way out - but there is always a way out and in your case it is easier than normal because of the distance. You simply need to inform his parents of the situation and what he has been saying, so they can take responsiblity for him - then email/call him ending the relationship, then block contact and then job done, all over. You dont have to do it face to face, you dont have the worry of bumping into him on the street etc - he is too far away for anything to really happen. Hence why he is blackmailing you like this - he cant get to you physically so he is trying to influence you emotionally and mentally.
All you have to do is be strong for an hour to 2 when you ring his parents and email/ring him - then after that you can have a good cry or do whatever you need to do. You can make it through this I promise, you will be fine and your boyfriend will be fine too, he will get over it in time. Just stay strong and do the right thing.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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