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Was she just using me?

Tagged as: Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 April 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 18 April 2011)
A male Ireland age 41-50, *etanta writes:

Hi All, i really would love someones commenst or opinion on this matter, see what people think, just over a year ago i met a girl online, well she saw my ad on a site and contacted me, and we exchanged e mails and letters and such until we met on msn and cam, and we really got on well and afte about 2 weeks, she stated saying i was the one, he soul mate and one she wanted to be with, she was ameican and im irish and she was 22 and i was 28, anyway she started talking about fiance visas and all that and i wanted to slow it down ,

it was a bit over whelming for me but she took this as a rejection and use to cry online but i never stopped talking to her, i use to stay up until 5am when i had college the next morning to make sure she was ok, i really cared about her and didnt reject her but like i said i wanted to slow it down and take it slow, was over whelming, she use to beg and say dont stop talking to me, ur my soulmate ill get over it but i didnt reject her, anyway for 4 months we spoke everyday online and sent presents and all, then we said shed come here to ireland cus she was ghetting tax back so she did and we set the date, but by the time we met i had fallen madly in love with her but i wanted to wait for her to come here to tell her , i wasnt gonna say it on a computer screen , so she flew into dublin and i spent 12 hours on a airport floor waiting for her, when she got here we hugged when we saw each other but she seemed strange like she was mad at me but didnt say it and this went on for a few days but we went down to my house for a few days and we started getting close again and seemed good but nothing pysical,

so we went back to dublin and we spent valentines day together and i asked her to marry me and she said she didnt think i was serious and said no btu we had a nice day and snuggled that night, and she flew home the next day and on my way home we were texting saying i should of married you yesterday and when it happens again ill say yes and we talked online when i got home and she said shed told her mum and was happy and made plans for me to come over in may and id ask he again , so i went off and bought the ring on the quiet and ask her again in may when i came over but she goes to some banquet with a friend and after that she starts ignoring me online and not talking to me, telling me to back the fuck off when i ask whats wrong, so i leave it a few days and then she sends me an e mail saying she does want me to be patient, so i say ok,but then i only here from her by text, no more online or cam like there was before her trip, so i here nothing for a while, phone her and get an e mail back saying she just wants to be friends and can only afford to email from now on, NOT ready for a commitment or relationship and one week later i saw on facebook she was in a relationship with someone else, i didnt pysically see her or hear her since feb 18th which was 4 days after she coming home from ireland, all the odd text only,she then started blaming me saying i hurt her in the start but she told me here she had forgiven me, she had a ps i love you poster on her wall when i saw her on cam, u think she was using me for a trip here or just in love with a fantasy ps i love you movie, or is she just immature, i need advice

View related questions: facebook, fiance, I love you, immature, msn, soulmate, text

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (18 April 2011):

Hi there. I don't think she really knows what she wants.

She falls in love with complete strangers who she has never even met and thinks she loves them.

To really know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, can take several months of regular dating - I mean seeing each other (face to face in person) - to really get to know each other properly.

No matter how many days and nights you talk via webcam, it really doesn't equal in any way to actually going out on a real date and spending time in the same room, where you can talk, hold each other in your arms, laugh together, etc.

Internet dating doesn't even come close to the reality of actual dating. It comes a very poor second.

I think you are best to try and forget her and get on with your own life and your own friends.

Try to learn from this and don't let history repeat itself.

You want a real woman - not an internet chat woman - you deserve better than that, surely.

Take care and best wishes.

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