A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my girlfriend and couldn't ask for anything better, we tell each other everything. When it comes to our past partners I have told her the truth (3 people before) but have lied about who they are. Just about ages, because I was kind of embarrassed one of them was older, so I replaced it with a younger girl. I feel kind of guilty about this once in a while. I feel like some things are better left unsaid, and most likely there are little things I don't know about with her. I feel like theres always little things in every relationship that don't need to be said. This is just one of them? What do you reckon guys? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 June 2010):
 Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships.
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.
Take it for what it's worth to you, Poster
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 June 2010):
Full disclosure means to disclose all the details and FACTS of a problem which are known. It is a philosophy of factual management completely opposed to the idea of with holding fact through obscurity or omission. The concept of full disclosure is controversial, but not new. FULL accurate disclosure is then, by definition, synonymous with honesty.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010): Me and my boyfriend run into this alot. Our exes get brought up sometimes and me, I haven't had alot but him he has amd yeah I'll admit I do get jealous sometimes and I know for a fact he gets jealous when I mention it but hey the past is the past. Your with your girlfroend now and u both love eachother and none of ur exes should matter anymore.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I'm torn on this one because honesty is a big thing in all relationships, on the other hand, it is YOUR business and if she doesn't ask alot of questions, or seem overly interested, I say let sleeping dogs lie. You've both had partners before, no need to go into gross details. Don't feel guilty, it's a private matter. Just don't expect her to spill the truth about her past relationships either.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (21 June 2010):
I believe that this subject is one of those that definitely needs to remain UNSAID for all time. Unless, there's a very substantial reason that mandates full, honest disclosure, for example: health reasons.
In telling partial truth or altering facts, then you've actually only lied to her. You'd be farther ahead in having said nothing at all.
Leaving out facts when telling the "truth" is called: Lying by omission.
Altering facts is lying, by definition. And we all know lying is lying. You lied in this to spare yourself discomfort with the truth. See why you'd be better off keepin' yer yap shut about it? Now, you have lied and must either come clean on it and face that dilemma or you must continue to lie again and again about it. What was the better choice?
You can't delude yourself into thinking that you can build or worse, maintain any sort of meaningful relationship upon lies, my friend. Do the right thing. The first time every time.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 June 2010):
 I wouldn't condone lying, but CaringGuy is absolutely right. The past is the past, and you don't need to divulge everything that's ever happened with you sexually, unless you have an STD or you might be gay or you've been married before or you have kids from ex'es.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 June 2010):
I reckon you're right. You should read some of the posts on here from people who have become hugely insecure after asking about pasts. I don't even think pasts need to be talked about. All a person ever needs to know is that you're STD free and not some crazed criminal. People like to think they can handle things. The truth is, they all too often can't. And to spare them that pain and insecurity, sometimes it's better to remain silent. So I think for your own sake and hers, you did the right thing.
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