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*umbfounded
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8-9 months and in the beginning we were very romantic and haivng sex daily. For the past month or so things slowed down and now they are at a complete stand still. She has no drive at all and has even said that she dislikes it as well. We have made love occasionally and she doesn't have any problems orgasming its just very difficult for her to get in the mood or even get started. It has caused some drama and late night talks that are only adding stress to the relationship. I am so in love w/ this girl and know she is totally in love w/ me but there is no romance anymore. I've tried taking her for romantic evenings together, I've been patient and tried to give her space, I've tried talking w/ her about it and she always has some excuse for not wanting to or she just tells me its b/c she's a woman. I don't think she realizes how crazy this is making me and how unattractive I feel. She assures me that all women go through this at some point but I'm having a hard time w/ this. Am I a sucker or is this just a phase/step/temporary thing I just need to wait out?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2005): I know how this feels. My g/f and I have been together 18months - at first we had a lot of sex - now it is down to once/twice a week - I've gone through the same talks - which hasn't helped as she said it feels as though she is being pressured - I've gone through the questioning/analysing but I am starting to let this go - we are still very intimate all of the time but the sex is hard work. I hope it all levels out - hang in there if you can, I know it's bloody difficult!
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (5 June 2005):
Hey, man. I'm weathering the same storm you are, but things have gotten better. I started to despair and question myself just like you are. We had sex at least every other day, usually twice a day, so what happened? What did I do to make her only want me once a week or less? Things will get better. I don't know what's in your girl's head (I still don't understand my gf), but this will end eventually. One thing though. Don't expect things to go back to the way they were, with sex everyday. She's changed, and just be grateful when things get better bit by bit. I think when this clears out, you'll still end up getting slammed by the first stage of sex rationing, a natural instinct for women to not love on their men as often as they used to. Still, she should warm up a lot compared to what you've been through. Give her time and space, but still be there. My girlfriend held out on me for months, and the only thing I could do to find peace of mind while I waited it out was to rise above it. In fact, try not to show any concern for the situation, since like you said, it just makes things lead to the same talks and get worse. This is a nerve-wracking, teeth-grinding waiting game, so find things to occupy yourself so you won't dwell on it.
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