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female
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anonymous
writes: My current boyfriend (Don) and I have been dating for 3 yrs. When we first started dating, he lived with his roommates, a married couple, Alex and Wendy. We dated for months before I got a job at Wendy's company, and befriending Wendy. (Wendy turned out not to be such a cool person after all, a control-freak, nasty person, etc). I found out (after working there for a couple months) that Alex, Wendy, and Don had a threesome some years ago, before I was ever in the picture. But it bothers me now. It has been bothering me ever since I found out, it doesn't help that Alex and Wendy kept trying to get Don and I to 'swing' w/them (Wendy convinced that I 'wanted' her, for whatever reason), and I know Wendy wanted Don again. This made things harder because she was my boss, I've stayed w/the company, I almost quit when I first found out though, because I couldn't STAND knowing that my boss knew what Don was like in bed....and the fact that she's a horrible person to boot, I just can't see how he would EVER even consider bedding her!Unfortunately, even though Wendy is gone, moved out of the state, she still has some ties w/my company, and I can't erase these horrible images I have of them being together, not to mention, she is convinced she's my friend, which makes things harder (hey, I've had to be fake for the sake of my job). I try not to talk to her, or have any connections, but since she and her husband Alex got divorced, I've confided in him that I know about their past, so I'm pretty sure it'll get back to her, and then I can be done w/all that, at least (being fake).Question is, how do I stop thinking about that? How can I let go of something that happened years ago, before I was even involved, why does it hurt so bad? It has really put a strain on me, and Don, Don is sick of hearing about it because it was in the past, but I can't let go of it! Any suggestions would be helpful, I don't want to lose Don over my unhappiness.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (14 October 2005):
 Only you can stop it... we all have a past... we all do things that maybe in hindsight we wouldnt have done.. why dell on it... why make what happend ages ago a centre of your life now ? So what he had sex with someone else.. a threesome... it happend before you... we all have had sex with others other than our partners, its only an issue because you are making it one... dont feel she has the upper hand she doesnt.. it was just sex.. your in a realtionship with this guy and if you want it to work you gotta drop it move on... if youdont you risk losing him and you want to let that happen because of some selfish woman! yeah right! Move on put it in a box and ignore it...concentrate on your man.. hes with you not her.. hes passed that stage ages ago.. done it ticked the box and probly didnt even think back... now thats what you have to do... Move on hun or forever be miserable because of somebody else!
Take care
X x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 October 2005):
 The past is past and you can't change it or wish it away. You have no choice but to forget it and move one or leave Don and find some who has a past that is acceptable to you. It's your call.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (13 October 2005):
 Hi girl! Stop stressing! I know its harder said than done, but you have to stop punishing Don by going over and over it with him. He didnt do anything wrong and you will start pushing him away if you keep at it. If you cant handle having anything to do with Wendy, I would suggest that you get a new job, and dont talk with her husband either. Don is with you now, loves you, and cant take back what he did. Try to stay happy and positive. He wants to be with you, not Wendy. Best wishesx
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