A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, im just looking for some advice please. Ive been with my boyfriend 2.5yrs. I love him loads but i just dont think he's as in2 this as i am. I do everything to please him. Im always affectionate and tell him i love him all the time.He's quite the opposite. He does tell me he loves me every night in a goodnight text message but just never to my face. This really gets to me. Its like i have a boyfriend but i feel so lonely. Im the 1 making all the plans. He also plays sports and spends a lot of time with the boys. This really makes me jealous. I do have friends but they are all living with their boyfriends or pregnant etc. So i dont get to spend so much time with them. Its just that he doesnt need me at all!! Not 1 it. We do have a laugh but i think thats all he wants from me..someone to spend time and laugh with. Theres never any talk about the future for us. I.e....living together or even saving together. I have told him b4 that id like some more attention but it never happens. I was just wondering what i should do....Threaten to finish with him?? Start doing to him what he does to me (not that i think he'd even notice or care, he'd probably be relieved)!!! There just has to be some other ways to deal with this rather than talking...which doesnt seem to work for us?? Or is there something i could say that will make him realise. Thanks xxlauraxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): Hi Laura,
I understand that your lonely, and miss him and would like to spend more time with him. You also sound like you miss the support of your girlfriends because they are busy with boyfriends of their own. You didn't say how old you boyfriend is but I will assumed that he is of a similar age to you(22-25)and I'll assume (for the sake of arguement) that he means it when he texts you to say he loves you.
Your ready to discuss committment and the future, whilst he prefers going out with the lads and enjoying himself around friends. It sounds like you want different things at the moment. You want to deepen the intimacy of the relation and be as close as your girlfriends relationship are, whilst he dosen't seem to be ready to settle down.
Your both still young and I can see why it might not be a good idea in his opinion.
Your right when you say that it will do no good to threaten to leave him, this is never a good technique unless you mean to carry it out. If you start going out and doing things away from him, I feel that it will please your boyfriend and start up his interest in you again. You need to decrease your dependency on him.
This may be his normal behaviour and he may not be able to change, you must accept this if you wish to continue the relationship. No matter what happens you need to develop your own friends and interests so that you have something interesting to bring into any relationship you may have.
Do you arrange fun things to do together. It may be that he sees no reason to be with you because he has more fun with other people. Develop yourself as a person and decide whether you can accept the way he is, wait untill he's ready to give you the committment you need or leave him from sombody that is more suitable for your current needs.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 It appears like your b/f have settled into a routine way of life.
It also appears that he is not willing to commit more in this relationship.
The only way you can change this situation is to withdraw
from his world and broaden your other interests.
When you withdraw, it would force him to come out of his
shell and if he does not , then you would know where you stand with him.
He is ignoring all your request because you are always there for him.
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A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (20 May 2008):
You are up against the wall. Men want women to be the way they are and never change, and women think they can change their men. They can't. The brutal truth is that you will either have to accept him exactly the way he is or find someone new.
If you want to move ahead, you will have to take some risks, and one of them is that you may lose him. If you want, let him know that since he seems happy and is always busy, you will be going out. Let him know you can no longer promise you will be with him exclusively since he is not even close to meeting your needs. Recognize that he may change for a moment, week, or month, and if he does, enjoy it, but don't expect it to last. It may or may not. He may just decide to say goodbye, and that will be sad for a while. As a woman, you will probably find someone new in a few months(or hours), but be selective - look for what you want rather than the first guy that shows up. Your current bf seems to be very badly adapted for you. Good luck.
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