A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:HiI need your advice as my relationship has come to a crisis point and am on the verge of ending it. We have been together two years. We are both in our late 40's. He has been previously married for 18 years, which he says he hated and he didnt really love her, as a result she has made him cold. The main problems are one of trust and closeness, I also have doubts as to him being gay, he has admitted to having sexual contact with men previously and gets aroused by gay porn He doesnt like kissing me and we only have sex about twice a week, with the lights off and never face to face. He does not cuddle up to me on the settee and I have to ask him to hold me in bed. I on the other hand am a very loving and romantic person. I love being kissed and cuddled and just love being held in his arms. I really fancy him and love him but his lack of affection is tearing me apart. He doesnt even seem to want to be with me that much, he comes round at about 10.30 at night spends the night and then leaves in the morning. Yet he says I am the best woman he has ever met and he really loves me I should just wait and be patient.He does not work and never has any money. He borrows money off me. I pay for everything. If we go out I have to buy all the drinks so we dont go out often. He is also very grumpy at times and snaps at me. I find it hard to trust him as he has phone calls that he goes out of the room to answer or sometimes ignores. He makes excuses all the time and I have caught him out in lies he has told me. He once disappeared for two days and said that he had to go to another town as his son had come out of prison and they were celebrating but then he slipped up a while later as I found out he is still inside. He also says he is coming round and then doesnt and turns his phone off at night, leaving me in bed crying waiting for him to come. I just dont know why he behaves the way he does. He doesnt seem to care about me or want to be with me really. The day I lost my job and I was really upset he didnt come round to comfort me even though he promised. I just want to fall in love and settle down and he seems to be frightened of this.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): Maybe he is gay and in denial. I am gay and cannot comprehend why a gay man would be with a woman, as it is selfish and cruel for the woman concerned. He doesn't sound like a keeper.
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (24 April 2007):
 Please run like your ass is on fire. The man you described is a user, and you deserve so very much better. Just from what you said, he
*is cold; doesn't trust and won't be close
*might be gay
*won't cuddle or hold you of his own will
*doesn't seem to want to be with you
*doesn't work, borrows money, won't pay for anything
*is grumpy and snaps at you
*lies to you
*isn't there for you when it's important
Please look at this list and recognize that this loser is NOT FOR YOU! The guy you're looking for is out there, I promise. Please don't be attached to this one when you finally meet the right one!
Dump him, be alone for a while and heal. You'll be much better off!
...............................
A
male
reader, AdamPayseno +, writes (24 April 2007):
 I think you found a bad cookie, Dear.
You sound like an amazing lady who wants a loving relationship with two honest and trusting people..
He sounds like he is a bit of a wreck right now.. As for him not cuddling you and leaving you alone at nights.. that's in-excusable. In a relationship you are supposed to lean on each other and help each other through hard times.
You have to think, and ask your self if you can settle with this semi-love, or are you going to go out and find the real thing?
...............................
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