A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,For those who think there is no light at the end of the tunnel read this. A year and a half ago i found out my husband of 21 years had been cheating on me not once but several times thoughout our marriage,i found out lots of things i would never of dreamed he was capable of and knowing what i had gone though in my childhood and my first marriage i really thought i had met my soul mate,here is my story.Looking back to when i first met my 2nd husband (i was waiting for my divorce to be finalised from my first h/b he also cheated on me)we both lived in the same block of flats i had a daughter from my first marriage he was not married we started talking and i invited him to my place for a coffee after meeting up and several weeks later (we were never intimate before)we were messing about and we kissed and he said that he was in love with me and wanted to marry me and take all the pain i had suffered in my life away he then told me that he had a girlfriend i asked why was he coming to see me if he was seeing someone else, i told him he would have to choose as i would never be the other women,he choose me and we got along great i had 2 children by him we got married in Aug 1988,things were good we had a few ups and downs nothing major every one that knew us thought we were meant to be.In Feb 08 this is when i found out he was not the man i thought he was.I have spent the last 12 months being angry,depressed,even tried taking my own life,then i realised that my h/b had been a cheater from the moment i had met him.Looking back he had done the same to his girlfriend when he met me i was to blind to see it then.Things that had meanings for us places we had gone as a family,meant nothing anymore as he had taken all the good memories and spoiled them by taking the other women to these places that we had shared.He was playing me for a fool and i let him, we went to relate and i know now that i can never trust him or belive anything that he says,and i know that my marriage was over the minute i found out that he had been unfaithful even though i stayed with him,trying to belive he made a mistake in my eyes once is a mistake more than that is unforgiveable,I will always love the person i thought he was but i dont love who he is,no matter how sorry he says he is and it will never happen again i wont belive him he has hurt me to much for me to ever forgive him, but i hope he will find whatever he wants in life as i can t give him any more of me, i have left him now and want a divorce he says he wants me and begs me to give him a chance to prove that he is sorry,i have been away from him for a month its hard but i know i have made the right move i saw him yesterday he looked bad unshaven the house was a mess i told him to pull his self together as he feeling sorry for himself and i am not coming back he made his choice when he cheated on me i am making a new life for myself and i am not looking for a relationship i just wanna have some fun life is to short for mopping about those who are in a simular situation as me if i can walk away you can too.There is light at the end. Thanks for reading X
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cheated on me, divorce, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): WOW Thank-you for taking the time to reply to my post.Time is a great healer,but it did take me months to realise that sitting around feeling sorry for myself forever worrying what my h/b was up to if he was cheating again who he was talking to i was spending my days checking out his clothes wardrobes,draws,etc,anything that may give me a clue if he was cheating as i never had a clue he was before,then one day i got up and started to realise that my life was ticking away and all the hurt and anger i had turned to positive thoughts.I really did try and make my marriage work but realised i could not give any more than i had and for him it was not enough,i did nt see it at the time but he had taken control of my life,i had given up my job,lost touch with my friends. i become dependant on him nothing was my own.The last straw came when i went out to meet a friend who i had worked with i told him i had been out and he hit the roof and he was the one checking my phone wanting to know where i went who did i speak to,i could not put up with any more of me not trusting him making myself ill worring all the time finally i accepted my marriage was over.So i just packed my clothes and left.That was the easy bit the hardest part is moving on, there have been times that i nearly went back to him,what stopped me was did i want to be with him a man who caused me so much pain and misery NO i didnt.I have joined a dancing class it is great fun as i have 2 left feet lol not got a job yet but looking,things are getting better and i feel good about myself i am not so stressed its been a very long time since i felt like this and looking forward to a new life as whatever gets thrown at me now it cannot be as bad as the last year had been.The saying is life begins at forty in my case its 49,thanks X
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): what a good post. i am sure it touched a lot of people going through what you are. It gives inspiration, it gives hope and it takes back your life - it say , I am important and i will survive. I will win this battle and come out stronger.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, samuella  +, writes (20 April 2009):
fair play to u, your truly an inspiration.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): well what a great post!
Im going through just what you went through, and reading that gave me the boost i needed at this moment.
Many thanks
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A
female
reader, cloudysunshine +, writes (20 April 2009):
Great story, ur so brave, and such a strong person!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Dear X. Great post - let us know how it turns out.
There is more than light at the end of the tunnel - there is everything you have ever wanted and more. Go get it.
Don't waste time on people who lie or cheat - they aren't really into you - find the right person - take you time and find him.
Hugs, Star.x.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (20 April 2009):
 wow!
i am really proud of you!
it's so refreshing to see someone stand up for themselves!
telling him to stop feeling sorry for himself and that he made the choice because you are right he did!
there is no point trying to guilt trip you or anything because he's the one who caused the whole thing knowing what he was doing and who he was going to hurt.
he clearly didn't think of his family!
i am so proud of you!!!
you are right everyone can move on!
people just need to stop seeing things through rose colour glasses!
i'm glad you are so strong about this :)
best of luck to you in your future.
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A
female
reader, yahora  +, writes (20 April 2009):
i applaude your courage, you are a strong woman and that is very admirable...I may be leaving my boyfriend of 8+ years, and even though I left him before now things are different because after I fell back in love with him it seems like he no longer wants me, he's mean and cold towards me and it hurts really bad. Especially since when I left him he would cry, come to my job, and i finally took him back. now, almost 1 year later, he has flipped the tables on me...pretending like he's cheating on me with an ex of hism( I spoke with the ex, she's an awesome girl and she's upset that he has used their friendship as a weapon against me, she thought I knew all along that they were friends.)
Sorry, I write alot...but your story inspires me to be strong again.
Thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Just want to say thank you for taking the time to write your post I think this will give courage and strength to lots of people out there who have been as low as it gets or have little hope - it is possible to leave. It would be good to know how you turned your thoughts around from despair and how you got your self esteem back. In any case I say good for you and I wish you the fun you deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Thank you for your story, makes me feel better about what I have gone through and know that I will have to go through in the near future.
XXX
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