A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my partner is a lot older than me - this is not the issue, however his past is!He's been living with his mum for a year to get some money behind him, we split up last summer and have now been back together 4 months. his mum this time round has not allowed me to step foot in her house so we spent night after night in his car - she complained of never seeing him... Just before christmas he got a flat and i'm practically living with him now. since having the flat his mum has invited me round to hers etc and been pleasant so i've decided to put the past behind me. she is now trying to take over our lives - he's given her a key and she comes round most days when he's working (i'm out) to help herself to a cup of tea, she constantly on the phone to him and seems very jealous. Wherever we go or whatever we do she wants to be a part of. his kids are close to my age and for the last two months his 16 yr old son has been fine around me, however last night said 'can she go out when i come round' - i work saturdays so he's got the choice to come round then when i'm out but is making it arkward by choosing a sunday.he said to his son 'well mate she is my girlfriend and i need time with her too, the door is always open to you whether she's here or not but can you come every other saturday so i get quality time with both of you seperatly? His mum has poked her nose in as usual and has said that i see him all week (at 7pm when he gets home) so i need to compromise and stay away weekends!!!! my partner has now gone against me and told me that i need to go home every sunday now - but he's happy to have me there all week when he's tired after a hard days work. Where's our quality time? why is she trying to ruin our relationship?
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (6 February 2011):
 The fact that his mom is dictating the time you spend with your boyfriend is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Especially if he is so much older. However it is his flat so he can give his mom a key if he chooses to. So if he is fine with her coming and going whenever she pleases then there's nothing you can do about it. Now you can sit down and have a talk with him, say that you don't like your time together dictated by his mother or whomever. But a warning to you, if you end up with this guy his mother will always be there. She will come around whenever and make decisions for the both of you. If at his age this is happening then it won't end. And trust me, it is extremely difficult to handle. I had to deal with an ex's father who he always ran to about problems and essentially he came first, yeah it didn't work out too well. If you can handle an overbearing mother around whenever then go for it. But if this is a problem for you now it isn't going away so you may want to think hard about what you want. He's a mama's boy. And unless you love your mother-in-law having a key to your home and doing whatever she pleases sometime down the road, cause she would... then I would ditch him. Good luck.
A
female
reader, amandab +, writes (6 February 2011):
oh dear he is stuck in the middle and wants a peaceful life and you are the comprimise, do you want to be that comprimise? if not then do you want the battle for the next twenty years because thats what it will be..and now he has given into them he will be EXPECTED to do it again and again..
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