A
female
age
51-59,
*tuck on confused
writes:I to am having a problem that is so very close to yours, I myself am having a problem getting over this. He cheated a year ago, lied to me about it more than once, then finally came clean when he thought he was gonna lose me. We are not married, but he has been talking about it a great deal lately, he always told me she was just a friend and that she was messed up and in an abusive marriage, and that he was just helping her, she is also the bestfriend of his ex-wife,(just to top things off). There were many times it bothered me a great deal but thought he was being honest with me, before we lived together she had came up from NV just to visit, I thought I would get to meet her, but he never invited me up so I could. I know now it was because he was sleeping with her. Thier "friendship" continued for over phone calls, texts, and I have also found out she was sending pictures of herself to him. He has come clean with all that has occurred, but I have serious trust issues that I was honest about long before we got involed, especially before I moved in with him.She nows that I am living with him and that we are happy with 4 childern, 2 mine 2 his, all I count as mine, for the other mother really doesn't care or involed with her childern so they are mine. Back to the other woman she will do anything or say anything to try and get his attention, using his step daughter to threating Suicide, He has mentioned that she is manic depressive, and that he is just trying to help, and that I should not have attitude, she contacts him daily still to this day, I have told him that alittle attitude is better than expressing myself the way I wish to. I am not the kind of person to tell him that he can not have any contact with her, cause I feel that will lead to sneaking, he has lied to me before, nothing of this magnatude, but still. The strange thing is I do trust him, but on the other I don't trust, she has made coment that she should have gotten him and that I should hit the road. We have been together for 3 years, she has not been in the picture for about 1 1/2 years, after they spent the afternoon together she left her husband and moved up here to be closer to my boyfriend (who was honest to her about me the whole time), but she continues to interfere. she has now remarried her ex-husband and secretly texts mine who did freak out cause of the sneaking on her part, cause once again he has been honest with me, were she is concerned, to this point. I still can't get over the fact that he did this to me. we did break up for about 3 weeks and then slowly worked on getting back together, this is when he slept with her at her hotel, I really need help getting over this before I lose my mind and go crazy like her. Just the other day it was just him and I spending the day together, his ex had the kids and they both new we had time alone, she sent him 35 text messages in about 4 hours. to me this is to much. Am I over reacting? On his behalf he didn't respond to any of them, and he tells me what is being said for the most part, to day she called him baby. What do I do, part of me wants to beat her, or him. I have been sneaking and checking his phone which makes me feel like crap, but I have problems with trust, something I told him from the begining, he knows and stated that he was wrong and cant even explain why or how it happened, If he proposses at christmas time which is a good possiablity, I am concerned that he will not like the fact that I don't know, he says only time can prove to me that I can trust him, but he has not broken contact with this woman, I don't know if that would even help me, I'm very sorry this is not an answer, but you are not alone and if you can figure out how to deal with or get over cheating I would love some input or just be able to talk to somebody that understands, without telling me to leave the bastard. Everyone in this world has made mistakes, me first of all, but the lie that he held in for a year, what will stop him from possialby doing it again? I have made arrangments to leave the state if need be, but I do not wish this. I just want to be able to trust him, and not feel like I am always being lied to even when I am not. once again I am very sorry this is not an answer. Please if you have any input I would love to listen. Stuck on Confused. Thank you for you time. I wrote this as an answer and relized I need everyones help.
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christmas, ex-wife, her ex, his ex, moved in, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (25 November 2009):
 You are not stuck; you can choose to put your foot down instead of sneaking around to make sure he's not still cheating. Tell him you are gone if he doesn't cut off contact, and mean it. He's broken your trust and needs to understand that he will be on a short leash for quite some time. If he is not willing to do whatever it takes to make you comfortable--including getting a new number--then I think there may not be a future for your relationship.
A
female
reader, stuck on confused +, writes (22 November 2009):
stuck on confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontHANK You for your answer, but he carries two phones and when he does'nt answer one, she starts in on the other one. He can't change the number it has to due with work. Although throwing them in the water sounds good. Thank you Though
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 November 2009):
My biggest suggestion to you would be to make him get a new phone number, and to say that for this move forward, he has ot prove to you he has not written her number down on his phone. I do think you're brave for giving this a second chance. He must nor prove his worth to you. The only way to stop her texting is to make him get a new phone and number. Then, get some couseeling together to work throught what went wrong. I won't tell you to leave him now, because it sounds like he is trying to put it beind him. But if he ever cheats again, run a mile. but do make him get a new phone and watch him delete her number.
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