A
female
age
41-50,
*emy
writes:I have had some problems with my husband and the problem is sometimes I feel that he hates me by his actions, when we first met he was the type to go out and party, but me, I was a homebody and I still am to this day, when we got together he stopped everyrhing for me, I did not ask him to change his life for me he did it on his own, anyways, when ever I am feeling down I cant talk to hom he gets upset, now if im not mistaken he is the person i am supposed to go to but I cant. I will do amything for my husband I love him with all my heart, but he really hurt my feelings, he said to me he wish he was dead, why he said that is because we got into an argument over something stupid, and all I wanted to do is spend some time with him, now I feel like he hates me. All I want is for my husband to love me he say he does but he has a funny way of showing it, how do I fix this? How do I get through to him? I have told him in so many words but he still does not get it. Please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): I was able to gawk at a guy tonight and when i did my hubby says "did you see someone you recognized?"
I simply said "hmmmmm no".
Finally he has been on the receiving end and by the way, this guy was less than worth the gawk!
A
female
reader, remy +, writes (22 May 2011):
remy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your comments it is nice to know someone cares
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Hi
Well all I can say is if thats how his attitude is towards your marriage, even though you seem to be trying, then all you can do is let him go if thats what he wants. Holding on to him obviously isn't what he wants. Have you asked him what it is that is making him so unhappy? Or is there someone else? Im not saying there is either, but you need to lay the cards on the table. And if he still wants to hurt your feelings , then I dont think there is all else you can do :( it could also be his going through a mid-life crisis ( yes it does exsist) not knowing where his life is taking him, thinking the grass is greener on the other side. when infact he has everything in you but has forgotten this on the way. Give him space, tell him he has 1 month to make up his mind, and that once he has there is no turning back. Because you can not be expected to continue living like this. you deserve to be happy too.
keep me informed. and if there is anything else I can help you with I will be here for you ok xx
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 May 2011):
 you are a much nicer person than your husband. And it is time you put yourself first. Stop trying to accomodate this boorish unkind man. He lacks empathy. His behavior is unacceptable.
Sadly I am of the view that you need to start being more independant. You are NOT defined by who your husband nor by what work your husband does.
You are viewed through the Prism of how much respect you have for yourself.
Staying in a marriage where your husband subjects you to Emotional and Psychological ABUSE using his words, actions and his demeanor towards you and his unacceptable nasty attitude to you is NOT OK.
No wonder you feel sad. But you can recover from this.
Is going out a problem because you have lost confidence in yourself? Or are there health problems? Or is it because you have lost contact with all your friends from long ago?
Has your husband been so unkind and controlling that he has driven away family and friends? if yes, then your husband is cruel.
You are a caring person, but your efforts are wasted on your undeserving husband.
Would it improve your confidence to join a local community group doing volunteer things to help others in the community?
Your husband not only does not put you first, he is actively undermining you.
Go to counselling, even if he refuses to attend. Or perhaps go to counselling alone, without even mentioning it to him, to address your poor self esteem, and rebuild your belief in your own skills.
Yes he resents you.
You would not be human if you were not hurt by his behavior.
You have put your heart and soul and all your energy into this unappreciative man.
Time for you to practise the ''art of selfishness''
Do quietly consult a divorce lawyer. Do not mention this to him.
Your husband has withdrawn himself emotionally from you. This is no way to live.
I think he is trying to push you away so that you will leave first. Instead quietly, without alerting him, confirm all the accumulated assets of the marriage. And your rights. You have put a lot into this marriage. Do not minimise your input.
Make sure the divorce lawyers demonstrates and explains how you can best protect yourself in all this.
It is not a good situation, but how you deal with this could result in a far better life than you imagine.
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A
female
reader, remy +, writes (22 May 2011):
remy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you mandy, you asked why I dont like going out, well everytime we would go out we would argue over something stupid, another thing I was and still not the type to party, and besides the places he wants to go I would feel umcomfortable. And now he is thinking of leaving me, if he wants to go out I do not stop him what do I do now?
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (22 May 2011):
Hi
Why do you not like going out? it's not healthy to stay at home all the time, it can wear the toughest of people down in the long run.You say he made changes to his life with out you asking him, because he loved you thats why. he wanted to spend time with you, why dont you make the effort to do a little changing for him. go out once a month with him to a party, let your hair down. you might even start to enjoy it and realise what you were missing, and get that old spark back between you. It's give and take in a marraige, if he said he wishes he were dead its because he wants to be with you, and if your not happy and you have told him so, maybe he feels your wanting out of the marriage. He dont hate you hunnie, he loves you, and probally dont know how to get you to go out more and enjoy life with HIM. Give it a go what do you have to loose?
let me know how you get on. x
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Have you tried talking to him when you are not fighting? Take him out for a romantic dinner, a public place is good because you a less inclined to fight. Calmly bring up how you are feeling. Surely he didn't mean it when he 'wished you were dead'. But tell him that this hurt you deeply. Ask him how he is feeling, is he disappointed with married life? Let him know that you want to work things out, but that you don't know or understand what it is that he wants. Good luck.
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