A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For some reason this is really bothering me.I woke up the other night sleeping next to my girlfriend and i thought she was masturbating. Now i dont know for certain but the reasons i thought this were because the covers were slightly moving, abit of twitching, heavy breathing (which i later discovered i how she always breathes when she sleeps) etc.When i asked her about it she woke up and basically got annoyed at me. She was saying 'what are you on about' etc etc and said she was fast asleep and has no clue what i was talking about. 1) i dont know wether to believe her?2) i feel annoyed at the thought of this and now everytime i sleep next to her or i am away from her i cant help but wonder if that is what she is doing?id just like some advice from a female perspective please.bearing in mind she says she doesnt masturbate, she told me she did it on holiday when she was away from me for 2weeks and that she hasnt done it since. is that realistic, because the way my brain works i ask myself the question, someone who doesnt masturbate does it because i havent seen her for 2 weeks? why if you dont masturbate would you have the urge to do it??
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male
reader, Cfc +, writes (2 December 2016):
But at the the end of the day why would she feel the need to masturbate even sleeping next to her bf that obv going to make a man insecure feeling like she is pleasuring hersellf thinking of another man etc when if she was really that horny have inrercourse.
A
male
reader, FUTUREFROST  +, writes (26 March 2010):
I can definatley relate to this, I have had this happen to me. It was about 2:00AM, and I woke up next to my GF, I felt her leg moving about every 5 seconds or so. I sensed she may be masturbating, so I reached down and felt her hand inside her panties, I went with it. and made love to her. The next morning I asked her about it, (call it male ego, but it did kinda bother me) She didn't know what I was talking about, she said she was awoken by my hand on her. I then asked her if she ever masturbated, she said no, I said NO WAY! She then admitted that sometimes she does. I have been seeing her for almost 6 months, and that night, we had not slept together in about a week. So, yea...I was feeling like hmmm...who was she masturbating about? Couldn't be me...! This was the second time this has happened, and though she reasures me that she loves me, and enjoys sex with me, I don't want to make love to a woman who has lost her desire for me.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 December 2009):
 She just may not feel comfortable revealing that private side of herself to you just yet.
And getting back to your original question, why if you don't masturbate would you suddenly have the urge to do it? I go back to my original answer. Some women do not fully know their sexual selves yet and may still be learning and exploring; she may not have felt like masturbating much in the past, but now that she is being more sexual with you, things are starting to give her some urges to release herself sexually when you are not there. It's a learning curve, you see.
It may also be that you were questioning her about masturbation that she decided that you wanted to hear that she did masturbate, so she made up a fib for you, to give you pleasure. Kind of a long distance "faking it" moment. "Oh, honey, I was so hot for you that I actually masturbated while I was away from you." Something like that.
You are totally overanalyzing this and are going to create a problem where none exists. If you have any other evidence that she is lying to you, well, then we have something else to talk about. But this thing you're trying to do, you're insecure and anxious about her and for what reason? Some funny sleep movements and one admitted masturbation episode?
You're going to lose her if you keep up the paranoia. Again, what else is bugging you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I think you are taking it the wrong way. Not every girl is open about something like masturbation. Mostly because it has a certain "stigma" attached when it comes to girls and sexuality.
Same with men who have loads of partners are a stud! The man! Women are whores and sluts. The same can be said about masturbation. So I think you need to back off the subject til she is ready to talk about it and share. It has nothing to do with what else she might or might not lie about. It actually has nothing to do with you ( in a way).
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I don't think you realise that for many of us who have answered, your obsessing over this is abnormal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks alot for all of your answers they are helpful.
I feel that i have given you he impression that female masturbation bothers me.. its not the fact if she masturbates or not that fully bothers me, its a case of me trying to figure out if she is telling me the truth about this instance and by piecing together what she has said previously i.e. masturbating on holiday i get suspcious that she isnt telling me the truth.. if she were to lie about this what else could she be lying about???
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): i would love it if my girl did! whats up dude? encourage her sexuality it has benefits for you too you know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Girls are allowed to masturbate.Unless she's forced you to stop masturbating and you are obeying (which IMO would be incredibly unreasonable), it's perfectly fine and fair for her to do whatever she wishes with her own body.So it's no concern of yours what is going on under her side of the covers.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I agree with oldersister - it may be restless leg syndrome. And if she is in fact masturbating, then what's the big deal? It's not like if she's in a relationship she has to stop pleasuring herself. Stop being so controlling.
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A
female
reader, Dazed_and_Confsued +, writes (2 December 2009):
You seem overly controlling.. What's the problem with her masturbating? Do you think she doesn't have the right to do what she pleases with her body? It's natural.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2009):
You think you are missing out on the fun because she masturbated? Or what is the deal?
It's not like you don't do it yourself, I wanna bet.
Let it go.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 December 2009):
 What is actually bothering you here?
The fact your girlfriend may be masturbating?
Do you masturbate?
Either, she just has a funny way of sleeping, and lets face it, none of us know how we look when we are asleep. I am sure we all make some funny noises and pull silly faces, but we will never know! Its down to the poor partners who have to deal with the snoring and the unexpected smells... (but I wont go there, the ladies will know what I mean).
Or are you annoyed that she masturbates, because you think this means that obviously sex with you isnt enough?
Well, let me tell you, most women masturbate (some more often than others, it may not be a regular thing), and most women will lie and say we dont, because it is not considered a "ladylike" thing to do by many people, and also affects the male ego. Our partners often get a little upset by this thought. However us girlies have to deal with the knowledge that our partners regularly play with themselves, yet we may also get the same physical urges but are not allowed to? Is this fair?
We know you do it, even tho you get plenty of sex from us, but it is a different type of release. Its not because you dont love your partner, its not because you are not getting sex, its just something different.
If she is doing it in her sleep then it is a totally subconscious action.
But the bottom line, does it really matter if she is or not? I think you just need to chill out and calm down.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 December 2009):
Two things, let's divide them. First, whatever she's doing when she's asleep is simply moving, and has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Should she get upset if you have a wet dream? Don't be childish about this.
Second, masturbation is by definition a solitary activity, so if you're not involved, it's okay. You don't own her body, remember.
She's only young still and is still probably figuring out how her body's sexual response works. Girls can be years behind the guys in this arena. I know it sounds crazy to a guy, but some girls don't figure out how to have an orgasm until they are in 20s or 30s. So be thankful you have a girl who is willing to try it, and let her do whatever it is she does in private without judgement or snooping. Our brains are different from yours, and our sexual response can be tricky and elusive.
This goes for the women who cannot stand the thought of their men masturbating as well: you don't own her body. She is entitled to her privacy. Policing other people's thoughts and judging them for what goes on inside their heads and doesn't harm anyone else is a most unattractive trait.
Let it go, gracefully, and remember that it's not about you. Okay?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): I masterbate in bed next to my partner all the time, mostly because he falls asleep before me, and I sometimes have trouble sleeping and it helps me relax and have a good sleep afterwards.
Its unrealistic to say she doesn't masturbate, everyone does at some point, but people are different someone people do it all the time, some once a year some maybe once.
Even if she is not being truthful about how often she does it, I would not worry or think to much in to it, she might be embarrassed or worried about your reaction if she says she does.
women are just like men, we have urges to masturbate, it can be at any time or place.we can't control how we feel its just a natural thing.
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A
female
reader, Shelbee +, writes (2 December 2009):
Don’t get so freaked out. She can’t help having sexual dreams anymore than you can help waking up with morning wood. She could have been awake and masturbating but it’s far more likely she was dreaming. For all you know, she was dreaming about you. I’m married and have sexual dreams about my husband all the time. I wouldn’t even know I was having them if I didn’t wake up in the middle…
And as far as her never masturbating… that’s not likely either. I highly doubt she does it while you’re sleeping next to her but she probably has more often than she’s letting on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): whats wrong with this if she did? theres nothing wrong with her doing that while shes next to you, if anything you should be turnt on that shes doing that next to you!
she probley denied it coz she was ashamed to admit it, trust me im a female myself and have done that when my boyfriend was led next to me, i didnt know if he knew or not, but who cares? ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): Hmm..yeah I think that you're just being paranoid.
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A
female
reader, KANDIWRPR +, writes (1 December 2009):
 y does it bug you that she did or didnt masturbate?
i dont think that you should let it get to you
like mayb she got a weird feeling when she sees you after
you asked her a question like that..thats why she got mad
mayb
every girl is different
some see that touching themselves is too weird
while others are fine with it
if their partner doesnt satisfy them or isnt there with them
that night that they want it
why are you annoyed that she might be touching herself? dont guys do it too? if you think that she is doing that
maybe you should give her a bit more "attention"
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 December 2009):
There is a word in common usage in my country that perfectly fits this situation - it starts with a "w" with a "k' in the middle and ends with a "r"! Sadly it would seem you are in the situation of doing what you accuse her of doing when she is fast asleep.
Get over yourself!
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A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (1 December 2009):
You are fairly young, so please don't take offense. However your question makes you sound unreasonably controlling of your girlfriend, and perhaps a bit hung up on female sexuality.
In short, don't hassle or interrogate your poor girlfriend about her sleeping or masturbation habits. That is unreasonable of you, and likely irritating for her.
I can see why she would be annoyed with your questions, they are invasive and frankly a bit creepy. Also, your 'proof' of masturbation sounds a lot like normal sleep behaviour (people moan, twitch, murmur etc when they sleep, it's nothing untoward or necessarily sexual, and if it is, it's really none of your business, the person is sleeping!).
I think she wants, and frankly needs,some privacy from you.
I also detect some moral judgment from you on female masturbation. Frankly, all human beings (and yes, your girlfriend is a human being too) have nerve endings in their genitals. Masturbation also has some proven health benefits. Some (likely most) enjoy doing so, and as long as it is in private, they should not be questioned, hassled, or judged for it.
My last point, and I hope I am misreading you on this, is that women, as much as men, enjoy sexual release. She masturbated while she was away from you to get sexual release. What did you expect her to do?
If this still bothers you, please seek counseling. I can't see a single thing wrong with your girlfriend's behaviour, but am a bit worried about you. Namely you are being unreasonably controlling, and have a bit of a warped view of female (and therefore of human) sexuality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): People masturbate when they feel like it, not systematically. At least not all of us.
As for her sleep-pattern, she could very well be masturbating in her sleep. Some people do. It's like a different version of sleep walking. She probably has no idea she does it. And even if she does, unless it's actually causing a real problem, just let it be and trust what she tells you.
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