A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!OK, well, the issue is that I'm 17 and I'm in a really well known private school doing my A Levels at the moment.English is what I want to do at Uni and, as you might know, contact with teachers in a private school is a lot more informal and casual. That was fine with me until this new teacher showed up a year ago. That was when I was doing my GCSEs, and he didn't teach me, but he ran this Extra Drama Society that my friend persuaded me to go to. That was when I was 16. It all seemed great, he had a degree in Drama and English so he knew what he was doing and he was always careful of the teacher/student boundaries, but towards the end of the year, he kept looking at me in a strange way. I dismissed it.But now, I've just started A Levels and I'm having more contact with the English Dept and since his desk is closest to the door in the shared office, it's always him who opens it.I'm starting to feel a little odd whenever I see him now, it's like...this really odd jump around the middle of my body that travels up to my throat and my eyes go all wide. I don't know what to say when he walks past me. I even blurted out to my friend when I saw him from afar 'Why do I feel like this whenever I see him?' I don't know what's going on. My breathing goes all irregular, and I know for certain I don't look NORMAL when I walk past him. I've made a point of trying to avoid him, but then his happened.I was walking my friends back to a boarding house when he asked to see me and I had to come back. It was outside the campus and he looked at me and said 'Why are you avoiding me?' I didn't know what to say so I made up this rubbish and I knew he didn't believe it. That was when he said 'You set me on fire every time you look at me' then kissed me. I didn't know what to do. It was my first kiss and I SO didn't know how to react.It's half term now, so any help on how to act around him when I go back on Monday? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, rena3312 +, writes (5 March 2010):
 I am a teacher, and it makes me angry that this man is molesting you. The fact that you are under age and that he initiated the contact and kissed you was wrong. However, you are leading him on and you want him. You are feeling insecure and that is why you want his attention and want a relationship with him. If you really care about his reputation, his life and his future, without being behind jail bars, girl....listen closely! You need to practice some strong discipline and keep your distance if you really care about him like it sounds like you do. You need to stay away physically and emotionally from him until you are of age, which really is not that far away. If you see yourself with him in the future, which could happen if you play your cards right...but the path you are on now is going to ruin things. You need to wait unitl you are of legal age and graduate and get out from under the student-teacher relationship and show some respect for yourself and more importantly him. You need to communicate this to him and he needs to be the adult and real man and leave you alone until you are old enough to date leagally. That is the only answer. It is possible for this to turn out good, but not if you allow him to have these pre-mature feelings for you when he should control himself and act like a man. If he really cares about you and wants to do the right thing and wait for you...then he will respect your wishes and feelings and do the proper and right thing.
A
female
reader, everlastinglove  +, writes (27 February 2010):
i have teacher student love problems too. i know it may not seem this way but i envy you i wish my teacher would just kiss me already or tell me that he doesnt have feelings for me and stop sending my signals that i cant completely comprehend and it makes me so frustrated. i posted a question about my realtionship if you can find it.... good luck though
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): Me again!
I can't talk to my parents because they'll blow.
He seemed so genuinely sorry today and said he knew he came on a bit too harsh and didn't mean to be like that. He said he didn't know how to approach me and talk to me that's why it might have slipped out in the wrong way, and that he spent the whole of that night hating himself for it.
I was at lunch today and he was supervising on the teacher's table. I was sitting with 7 of my friends, but I couldn't help glancing at him from time to time. It seemed to me like he wasn't looking at me and having a conversation with another teacher and I felt kind of ... disappointed? But then he started to glance at me every now and then and I felt a bit funny. The other girls smiled and said they knew how ferocious he could be at times but he doesn't mean to come over that way.
He's 30, btw.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): you should report him. he's massively overstepped the boundaries of a teacher-student relationship, and now it sounds like he's stalking you? having a crush on a teacher is normal, what's not normal is a teacher reciprocating, he's trying to take advantage of you - you're clearly upset and you need to stop this before it gets out of hand. talk to your parents or another teacher who you trust, they'll be on your side and will support you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): Me again!
Well, I've tried hard to avoid him today. I went into college to pick up a few things and he asked me to meet him for coffee but I said I was too busy.
Then he seemed to be wherever I went and I just couldn't take it. He actually made me cry!
He was talking to me as I walked and kept saying how he hates it whenever other guys ask me out and look at me. I just got angry and said that no guys look at me, I'm a complete nobody, then he just laughed at my anger and said 'aw, you look so cute when you're angry.'
I was so ready to slap him but I just couldn't muster the courage, such a shrinking violet I am. I just burst into tears after he kept saying how he hates it when other guys talk about me. I don't know why I cried, I just did, then I ran away.
God, I've moved from having what I thought was a harmless crush on him to having him making me cry. He looked sorry and said he didn't mean to, but I just can't care less now.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): Are you sure you're not just being paranoid about how (un)pretty you are? Long dark hair and big dark eyes sounds pretty attractive to me.
And men can be attracted to things other than physical appearance, you know. And if boys have asked you out before, that suggests you aren't particularly unattractive, doesn't it?
I wouldn't encourage trying to go any further with your teacher, however.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Me again, the author of the question.
Well, I would say that I would tell my Principal, but the issue is that she doesn't care. Things like this happen all the time at my school, which is fine with me, but I've never really had it happen to me.
I'm not particularly pretty and I'm a complete bookworm. I've refused every guy who's asked me out in the past year because I want to focus on getting the grades to hopefully go to Oxford.
I mean, I've got this horrible dark waist length hair and these awful huge dark eyes. My friends all say I either look like a doe or a deer in the headlights. I don't understand why any guy would find me attractive at all, least of all this guy who has his pick of all the girls in the sixth form, the majority of whom are better looking than me.
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A
female
reader, yikes! +, writes (19 February 2010):
This is a tricky one! But the truth is, teachers aren't supposed to do this. I don't want to scare you but this could be taken to court. I think what you need to do is tell your headteacher, and they will fire him. Then he won't go near you again and you could move on easily. The problem with telling him how you feel is that it will be hard to avoid him afterwards and he could insist, I mean any teacher who goes and kisses a student could be dangerous. I mean he could rape you or sexually abuse you! So you need to let someone know, someone who can sort it out. You don't want all this trouble now, you want to get over him and get on with your A-levels!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): Hey, thanks for your replies, it's me, the girl who wrote the question.
I've read your replies but it's not like he's cheating on anyone with me. He's not married, he broke up with his last girlfriend a year ago.
We've talked about it today because I had to go in and get a file I'd missed. I bumped into him in the corridor and he said he was sorry, he didn't mean to do what he did. He looked at me and I kind of freaked out.
I mean, he's the guy every girl in my school wants. The girls come in caked in make up, hemlines to heaven praying that he'll do something.
Also, what you've got to understand is that there's a culture of teacher/student relationships in my school and it's actually not that frowned upon. Quite a few of our sixth formers end up marrying their teachers and have a fine life. I know three of my friends who're going out with their teachers.
They're all saying I should go for it but he can tell I'm a little worried and he said if I ever wanted him to stop, he would and he'd back off as soon as I said. He said he didn't want to make me hate him.
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A
female
reader, Chantelle x +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Teachers and pupils dating having flings isnt really allowed but doesnt mean it doesnt happen. I went through the same experience with my athletics coach... It started when he added me on msn, i felt exactly like you when he said 'i set him on fire everytime he saw me' My heart beated faster and faster and in time i realised that this was because i was scared as i had never been in that situation before. He treated me differently to the others at training, he would always pick me for demonstrations and then it went to i used to get lifts home with him etc and he used to tell me how he felt. I had to come away from there as i knew it was wrong. It all came to light and even though nothing sexually happened he still lost his coaching license and now i feel responsible. In previous experience, i would stop this.
But whatever you decide, good luck. Hope this has helped in some way. x
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