A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My story is a very long involved one but I have asked for advice on here before and it has always helped me a lot. I have known my husband for about 14 years although we have been married only for a few months. My problem all revolves around one of his female friends. Many years ago my husband had a thing for this woman but she was not really interested. since then they have kept in touch regularly and see each other when they can. When this woman realised that we were getting married she suddenly started ringing all the time and ringing about nonsense or dramatic things saying her boyfriend had hit her crying down the phone to my husband etc etc. Now I have known this woman for as long as my husband and I am pretty sure it is a case of her now realising that he is no longer available that she suddenly wants him. She has a boyfriend, has a good job and is a nice looking woman and could have most men. The calls have become excessive and are really beginning to drive me nuts. I sat my husband down and explained calmly and rationally that these calls had to cease and what was behind them but he just laughed and said that I was being childish. This then led to me asking him to stop contact all together with her at which he point blatantly refused to do so. In the middle of our row she actually rang his mobile but he chose not to pick up. My husband is an extremely independent man, likes hunting, shooting and fishing and is a real mans man. He does not like being told what to do and says that it is a matter of principal that as a grown man he will not be told who he can and can't speak to. Fair comment but as this is driving me insane as it truly is incessant i think he should curtail this. Anyway this has now got to the point where I have moved back to my former home. He says he will not under any circumstances be told what to do and that I have to accept this. He states there is nothing going on. I have asked him to talk to her and tell her to stop calling so much and that it is upsetting me but he refuses to do this either. I am at a loss to know what to do because I cannot live in a situation where she calls every day and I am beginning to feel that I would be better off being on my own again rather than put up with this. What would your views be?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 February 2010):
 A man after marriage will show his true self . Before marriage , he can be anything you want him to be.
A few years down the road, he will act like he does not give a damned about how you feel. It is like payback time for him.
They would want to lord over you and demand you to be subservient to them.
If you truly love your partner, you will not want to hurt her and would stop what is causing the problem.
Even though you find it harmless and innocent but it is causing her emotional, mental and psychological problems.She becomes neurotic because of your inaction's.
It is like driving a nail under her feet and it stays under there. You are reminded of it when you walk .
He is being inconsiderate, unloving , thoughtless , cruel , uncaring, tactless and very selfish.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your posts. I agree with you all. I think gut feeling tells you something for a reason and i am rarely wrong with that one. I think if someone is unhappy about something as I am over this then if I was him i would stop instantly but he has now twisted it into me being controlling and insecure. Anyway he texted last night saying that he had had enough and it was over. Although very upset and I feel she has won over me it is strangely calming as this constant calling was making me ill. I always knew there was so much more to it so sadly I have been proven right.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2010): I would not put up with this behaviour at all. If it is upsetting you and he can see that it upsets you then he has no respect at all for you. Ask yourself this question, if it was you getting calls of a bloke and your husband asked you to stop it because he was upset then im sure you would. Ive been through similiar situation to you and i know it is better to just stay away and hurt for awhile then hurt all the time just because your husband must get some kind of ego trip by this woman calling him. If he loves you he would stop it, dont listen to his poor excuses that he doesnt like being told what to do. Im sure this is probably the only major thing you do ask of him, ask yourself are you being selfish, i think not. Walk away and believe me you will be fine, if something is giving you emotional pain then listen to that pain, its there for a reason to tell you somethings wrong. I would consider it to be emotional abuse what he is doing.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 February 2010):
Call the woman and tell her to back off. Its that simple. Tell her that he calls are creating tension in your marriage and you want her to stop. Tell her if she wants your husband she should come out and say it straight so you can leave them together.
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