A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a guy who doesn't seem to have problems attracting girls. I can't stand girls when they are drunk or smokers, also both because of the smell.The drunk ones are not an issue, as I tell them that when we meet, she should refrain from drinking before.However, there was this girl who I was going to go with after she got me to pick her up(she gave very strong signals), but I smelled strong cigarette smell, which turned me off her and I said I am sorry, I can't go with her.I felt really bad because she got all upset and insulted. Was it wrong of me. What else could I do?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (4 May 2015):
having grown up around a father who chain smoked, I hate the smell of cigarettes smoke and especially when it is on clothes, hair, breath and so on. In addition I am asthmatic and even a small amount of smoke irritates my chest. I avoid it as much as possible, moving away from smokers at bus stops and no one is allowed to smoke in my home. I believe you have every right to say no, it is a disgusting smell and especially for non smokers. Dont feel bad, there are plenty of good women out there who dont smoke
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 You weren't wrong and there is nothing for you to do here.
Smelling bad and turning some people off is all part of the territory. She chooses to smoke so she'll have to accept whatever comes with it.
Another smoker here too, so I'm not passing judgment. Hopefully I'm one of those folks AuntiBimBim refers to, the ones people can't tell they smoke, but even I know I'm not fooling all of the people all of the time.
You didn't make any negative declarations about her, or lecture her about the evils of smoking. You simply stated what YOU can and can't live with. No harm done here.
Maybe if she hears this enough times from others she might be inspired to quit.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 If you dont' want to date a smoker and she's a smoker then no you were not wrong to say "i'm sorry but I choose not to date someone who smokes" and end it there.
if she gets insulted it's because she's mad at herself.
You did nothing wrong.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2015):
 I'm a former smoker who quit because of the smell and the simple bad habit. I'm glad I quit though it wasn't for someone else, just for me.
It smells bad. It cling to hair, skin and clothes and no matter how hard people try it's NOT hard to sniff out a smoker.
If you met her BEFORE the date-night? Then why not ask if she is a smoker? As it's not always obvious.
Not wanting to date a smoker is not a bad thing, we all have some thing we DO NOT want in a partner. You might just have to sort through a few more girls than average.
Not sure where you met these girls, BUT I would presume you actually TALK to them a little bit before agreeing to a date?
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 I'm a smoker myself but I understand that a lot of people don't like the smell of smoke. It's just a choice you have to make. Do you like her enough to be with her in spite of the cigarette smell or is the intolerance to the smell more of an issue? Your choice. There's no right or wrong about it.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Ex smoker here
Some smokers you cant tell, but others can really stink ....
Its a shame she got all upset and insulted, but if you can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke well, what did she expect you to do? Wear a mask?
Maybe when she thinks about it, it may be enough of a wake up call to give up smoking, these days we should all by now be aware that it is not good for you, or the people who get your side stream smoke.
You did the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): Have you tried meeting women in situations where alcohol and smoking is unlikely? Seeing as you find it so easy to pick women up (and put them down) I'd say the context is all wrong. For example if you're into adventure sports or being active cycling or camping etc rather than clubbing or bars then the chances are that you'd meet someone like minded. Other people are entitled to drink and smoke so maybe YOU need to raise your standards by circumstances. There are social groups specifically for non drinkers too.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Of course it wasn't wrong of you! Many people feel the same way, myself included! I have no problem nor do I judge or feel the need to lecture anyone who smokes. My mom did until she quit when I was a kid. My father struggled with it off and on his whole life. Both of my brothers and my sister have, my younger brother still does. I alone never did. I have a thing about my breath. I even brush my teeth at the office, never suck on sugared candy, and I drink water mostly, avoiding garlic when I'm socializing, and the like.
I tried to date a smoker in high school, and I wanted to puke every time we moved in for a kiss. The term "kissing an ash tray" comes close, but in truth, shoving your nose into an ash tray is more preferable to having your olfactory nerves assaulted by gastric smoking obliteration. I felt bad that I didn't see him, because he was extremely hot and he had girls all over him all the time. I told him the same thing you told this girl, and he wasn't happy about it, though he didn't get dramatic about it. We were sophomores then, and a year and a half later, at the start of our senior year, he had QUIT! Too bad I was in another relationship at the time and am no cheater, but I'm sure all of his "harem" of girls appreciated the fresh air. heh.
Don't worry about it. If you were kind to her and not rude, it's your choice to be with a smoker or not.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Either you're with her (and her smell of smoke) or not. You choose.
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