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female
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*onelylover
writes: My sex life is gone. My boyfriend doens't hold me, kiss me, or touch me anymore. this has be going on for about three months now,. He states the fact its because he doesn't feel good and can't explain why. I love him with all my heart. But I need that touch so bad. Why is this happening. what is the real reason why he won't please me. sincerly, lonely lover
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): Sex is about power for men.. and not necessisarily about power over you. Check the definition of virile. "2. Having or showing masculine spirit, strength, vigor, or power." and "3. Capable of performing sexually as a male; potent." See they are related.
So is feeling physically weak a dodge? No way. Believe me we had a layoff scare at work and everyone was thrown off.
So if he is in a depression or a funk or is having work issues, this is a real issue.
Deal with this with issue on that level. Pestering the dude with about why he cant get it up is only going to make him feel worse. Support him with whatever he needs- posting a resume on Monster and seeing he is valued. Or help him work to a better job. Gym membership, spa day, hair cut, new clothes- thats a way to help. Buy him a gift certificate for sky diving. Ask him to lift something for you. For Gods sake, I get flushed when I get complimented on opening a jar of tomato sauce for my wife.
A
female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (10 November 2005):
 You don't say your ages. It could be psychological due to stress etc. or he may be having trouble with his erections. Could he be concerned about a previous sexual partner?
Be prepared for a worst scenario explantion and sit down relaxed in private, watch a film etc. See if he will just let you touch him or hold him but not sexually. Just be close to him and try to make it comfortable for him to talk. It depends on how personal issues can be addressed between you. Consider asking him outright, a direct question that avoids the vague answer about general health. Can you say, "I miss close contact with you. If we don't have full sex, can we just touch each other?" Even when they are feeling ill, some men still like to be fondled and they can find it relaxing rather than intrusive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): Intimacy is a crucial part of any relationship, so I can understand your concerns. Some couples do come to normal phases in their relationships, where sexual activity wanes a bit, but most couples still yearn for the touch and closeness of their partners. You mention, he he says "he doesn't feel good and doesn't know why". You didn't say if he was encountering any type of unusual stressful events in his life outside of the relationship? a more difficult boss? money issues? Maybe he has fallen into a "rut" that he is not aware of? Depression? It is not all that uncommon for relationships to taper off after awhile-its almost like people need to "come up for air". So much to think about and consider. I hope you find some answers and some help to your situation and that both of you find enjoyment in each other again. Please talk further with him in a calm, sensible fashion and allow him to come forth with his open feelings. Try not to push too hard-just go slow. Be patient and let him know, no matter what, you are up to hearing what he has to say. Good Luck dear and I wish you both the best of luck.
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