A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it likely that a person would stay in a relationship for over 4 years if they weren't really interested? Would a person waste this much time with someone they didn't really want?I was in a confusing relationship for this amount of time and could never really work out how he felt about me because although he told me he loved me on occasions he was never really the type to talk about his feelings. I used to have a gut feeling that he was genuine and really did love me but there were times when I felt he was holding back.I find it hard to trust people especially when it involves 'love', so I like people to be open and honest with me but he was such a private person and wouldn't let me in or let his love out.I have started doubting whether he really did love me or whether things ended because he was afraid of intimacy and commitment as things seemed to be fine between us. There was no inclination that something was wrong. In my opinion he ruined and sabotaged a relationship that could very well have lasted. Has anyone had experience of being in a relationship with someone who has perhaps run away when things were going fine? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): You have to see it this way,if things seem right to one,it doesnt mean things are right with the other. People run out because they are not happy. If holding back feelings and not constantly saying words you want to hear,tirelessly feeding your need for admiration, his given responsibility of making you feel good then you wont have even thought of him as anything more than an extension of your own mind. He's got a right to be himself and no matter how much a man loves you,he will become tired of feeding the insecurities.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 July 2011):
 I guess you could say that I am like your ex, I did a runner from a relationship that on the surface was perfectly fine.
My now ex and I had been together for 2 years, living together and had a lovely life. He was a great guy and there was nothing really wrong in our relationship, we had a few ups and downs like most couples but nothing major.
So why did I end it? I simply could not see myself spending the rest of my life with him, the spark was missing for me and I had tried my best to bring it back but to no avail. I admit I never told my partner that my feelings for him were fading (I dont like talking about my feelings much), this was wrong and I should have told him about it ages ago. But it eventually had to come to an end - there was talk of marriage, buying a house etc and I realised I simply couldnt do that, he is not the man I want to be with forever. Its awful because he is a lovely guy, he will find a great girl but he just wasnt right for me. I thought he was at first but over time it just faded and faded until there was nothing left, at the end I couldnt even say I loved him anymore. I loved our lifestyle, our friends, our house....but not him. He was more like a friend or housemate who I got on with reasonably well but felt nothing more than that for.
So maybe your ex is similar to me - perhaps he just realised that you were not right for him and it was time to move on, rather than wasting your time stringing you along. Some people are just bad with dealing with their feelings, like me I guess! In my case each time I thought something wasnt quite right, rather than talking to my partner about it I brushed it under the carpet and carried on like normal. It wasnt that I wasnt interested in him or the relationship - it was just that my feelings for him were fading and I simply didnt want to deal with it, so I carried on like normal and I wasnt actually unhappy, we had a happy life I just wasnt thinking about what was really going on under the surface.
There could be many reasons why your boyfriend left, perhaps he is like me, perhaps not....you will never really know the true reasons. But at least I can tell you this - he will have been interested, he will have loved you at some point, it is just that he isnt good at dealing with his feelings or expressing them so something will have finally got on top of him causing him to 'snap' so to speak and he ran away from you and the relationship, rather than dealing with the issues before he snapped so you could have worked it out.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): I have experienced this after 6 years of being with someone. He enjoyed me playing the wife part but he had commitment problems.For him to let me into his hidden private life to reveal things were far more important to lose, than me.This is were i doubt he ever really loved me. Looking back i'm glad he let me go, as he was living a lie and to know he was capable of this is not the sort of guy i want in my life
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