A
female
age
30-35,
*hick989
writes:my partner makes me feel so worthless, i want things to change but no they are never going to but still cling on.we got together a year ago, there is 32 yrs between us (i'm 18 but that's not the problem). it was love at first sight and i know he felt it too and we always talk about how we met : i was a cashier, he was the customer. i couldn't wait to finish my shift, i asked him what he wanted and went off to get it (i was serving on a fag counter and had not yet made eye contact with him), when i came back from getting his lottery, he said to me 'you look pissed off' i looked up and we could not take our eyes off of one another for a good 10 seconds, it was like a film, my heart was racing. he looked at me all the way out of the shop. as it was xmas i was working loads of over time and was working the next day - he came back- i was so excited and my heart raced all ovver again, unfortunately he said hi and then walked off (i didn't serve him). the next day i was working again!!! i couldn't let him go and asked for his number, it was like two days before xmas. i called him that night and we hooked up on xmas day for the first time, we were kissing and cuddling all night - it felt like we had known each other years.It soon became apparent that he really didn't have any money, he's so much in debt 25grand to be precise and now lives with his mum - this situation has made him depressed and he's sick of life, not the life and soul of the party he used to be(he used to live in a bedsit), despite this my love for him is strong. although he didnt have much money he did small things such as buy me flowers or write me love letters, or sing to me. a year on and all that is non existant. it was our one yr anniversary last weekend, i got him a few things and a really nice card and told him how i'm glad we met and couldn't imagine life without him etc. i knew i wasn't going to receive anything gift wise as he doesn't have money. however, he gave me a card with five words in it ' to chick, forever and always, 'paul'. i was gutted, he couldnt even manage a bunch of super market flowers!!!! he made me feel so worthless, didn't take me out or anything. a year on and the day that was suppose to be the best day of his life he didn't think it was much to celebrate! it was my grandad's birthday so i had to go out with the family for a few hours (i can't believe i actually thought that when he picked me up later that day i might actually have a box of chocs but again nothing). we had a huge argument and i started crying as i can't believe how he treated me. he was going on like i was asking the world 'you know i've got no money', as if i was asking for a romantic break to paris not to have £5 spent on me. i am so so so hurt and he's made me feel so worthless but he doesn't understand why 'i'm making a big deal'! he said that i'm too high maintenence (i like designer clothes and nice things - who doesn't? but i've never expected anything from him) he said he wouldn't want to insult me by spending £5 and that i deserve more but he can't give it- he said he bought me something but felt i would laugh in his face) please help, should i stay with this man, does he love me? is that the way you treat someone you love? am i making his feel he's not good enough? is so then what's the point?
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anniversary, debt, depressed, flowers, kissing, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 You know, he probably DOES care about you, and enjoyed the good times you had together. Yes, I can understand your disappointment about the anniversary - not so much that he didn't give you a small gift, such as flowers, but even more upsetting that he thought you expected an expensive gift, when you do understand he's financially strapped.He's what, 50? Deep in debt to the extent he had to move in with his mother. Is he working? Does he have any prospect of being able to settle his debts within a few months, or a year or two? He almost certainly has to be depressed and likely has a poor self-image, all things considered. I do think that telling you he feels you will cheat on him and let him down, because he cannot give you what he feels you deserve, is probably more a reflection of his own dire straits and unrealistic, given that you love him and have tried to be supportive and understanding.In my opinion, it might be better to just leave him alone at this point and go on with your life on your own. He has to work out his problems for himself, and there is very little you can do - but you can let him know you wish him well, and are concerned.If he does eventually reach a point where he can climb out of his mess, perhaps he will, in time, want to take up with you again.
A
female
reader, chick989 +, writes (23 December 2009):
chick989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advice.
he says he would be doing me a favour if he walked away so if i finished it he wouldn't try to win me back (we broke up once and he's been there and done that)
do you think he loves me or is just with me to try and give him some purpose in life?
what do you think of the anniversary?
thanks again
x
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A
female
reader, chick989 +, writes (22 December 2009):
chick989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your advice.
he feels i'm going to let him down, cheat etc because he can't give me what i 'deserve'.
he always says how i should move on because he feels i should be out with my friends, living my life.
if i finsihed it i don't think he could come back as he thinks he will be doing me a favour
do u think he loves me?
what do you think about the whole anniversary thing?
thanks
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009): This is in no way a judgement on the age gap. It's just the truth.
For someone as old as he is to be living at home with his mom etc. he has to be going through stuff emotionally for himself. In his eyes, he's a failure/loser, and nothing that you say or do is going to change that. It doesn't matter if you don't care about his financial situation or where he lives. That's not going to change anything for him. At the same time, in his eyes, you're very young and still naive about the world and how things work.
He has a lot of years of life experience on you.
It seems to me that you should end it. If it's worth it to him then he'll make the effort to win you back. If it's not worth it to him, then it shouldn't be worth it to you. You can still love a person and not be with them if they don't make you happy.
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