A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I met my boyfriend online in August 2010, what we found out about each other was that we were both Christians seeking a committed partner and shared a lot in common. Though we had differing views sexwise (i did not believe in pre-marital sex and he does), we tried to compromise. He also liked sexual activities that I had never done before and did not like but again I compromised at his urging. During our courtship, he never told me that he had a problem with long distance relationship until his trip to another country. After I visited him in October 2010, he had sex with another woman in January 2011. I was devastated when I asked him and he admitted it by telling me he is not going to lie to me because the woman he had sex with meant nothing to him; he just wanted a release. This came as a shock to me because this man is 55 years old, a christian and never once hinted that he wanted an open relationship, which is an oxymoron. In my 35 years on this earth, I never entertain an open-relationship. He even told me that I was "selfish" because he is a man with needs and I was thinking like a "woman" and that he would never put that limitation on me.No matter how much I tried to reason with him in expressing how I felt about it, he never expressed any remorse because he saw it as nothing and even told me I was creating my own anxiety. He also told me there was no guarantee he would not do it again. I ended the relationship just a week ago. Right now I am left with emotions of being stupid, which I am not, but just blinded by what I thought was a good thing.My questions are, was I wrong from the beginning to compromise my standards? Should I have moved on once he was imposing his sexual desires on me?
View related questions:
christian, long distance, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2011): to trust and love is not a sin. That man abused both those things. Dont be hard on urself. We all learn from our mistakes. Just make it clear what u will and will not alow next time. I wish u all the luck in finding a nice man who treats u better
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 Mr. Religious never learned the 9th commandment. He wants his manna and eat it, too.
That, however, does not mean he imposed his sex views on you. You agreed to having sex with him. He was just unfaithful. Which means you're asking the wrong question.
He deceived you to get into your pants. But, if he hadn't been unfaithful, you wouldn't be regretting it. I think the right thing to do is to move on. If you find another boyfriend and don't want to have premarital sex with him, don't do it. But don't blame the man if you agreed to it.
...............................
A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (23 February 2011):
 "My questions are, was I wrong from the beginning to compromise my standards?" I think at the time you thought it was the right thing to do but now you think it was the wrong thing to do. If in the days and weeks ahead you still think it was the wrong thing to do then please do not 'beat yourself up' about it as the saying goes. As you know being a Christian means you can repent and 'start anew'. Whatever you decide it's your decision. No one has any right to judge you.
"Should I have moved on once he was imposing his sexual desires on me?" No one should ever impose their sexual desires on another person. No one. Ever. Period.
"this man is 55 years old, a christian" "he had sex with another woman" "the woman he had sex with meant nothing to him" "He even told me that I was "selfish" because he is a man with needs and I was thinking like a "woman" "he never expressed any remorse because he saw it as nothing". He is neither a man nor a Christian. In my opinion he's a 55-year-old jack ass.
...............................
|
