A
female
age
36-40,
*ucky03
writes:I was in a relationship with someone then we broke up so I started seeing a new guy. The relationship really didn't turn into anything longer or what I wanted and so the first guy and I got back together. The first guy pursued more than the second. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I told both of them and my current boyfriend stayed. But it ended up as an abusive relationship and I got out. Recently got a paternity test done and he isn't my baby's dad. It is the guy I was seeing for a short period of time. We have known each other for a long time just circumstances drifted us apart and there were no hard feelings. My friend told him he's my baby's dad and he said he'd call me. It's been a week. My question is how long do I give him to take all of this in, that he has a daughter? Do I just let it go or wait longer? I know he's scared and confused but she's just a baby and I hope he wants to be there for her. I had also thought she was this guy's after she was born so I asked him to take the test and he said she wasn't his. But she is now 100%. So I have contacted him before. Just now he knows for sure. I don't really know what to say or do at this point. Need advice. Please no bad comments about me being with two guys.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2015):
 To Anon male, GIVE advice to OP's situation is more useful then dissecting other poster's answers.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2015): "Unfortunately many guys are willing to have unprotected sex, but not so willing to take on the consequences of raising a child."
The same can be said for many women. But women facing that situation still have more options to avoid becoming parents against their will. Men don't.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2015):
I agree with Auntie Bim
If you two are old enough to have unprotected sex, there is ALWAYS a chance for pregnancy. Call the guy. Like Auntie Bim suggested you can offer him to be part of the child's life. I would ALSO send him a copy (send it certified) of the DNA results.
After that, you contact Child Support Agency and get the ball rolling on Child Support. CPA will contact him and set a court date if need be. Since the DNA testing is already done, that part is not needed.
You can't MAKE him want to be part of your child's life or yours, but the LAW can make him pay child support in an effort to HELP you raise this child. Unfortunately many guys are willing to have unprotected sex, but not so willing to take on the consequences of raising a child.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (11 January 2015):
No matter what, you have to be the one to talk to him about him being the father. That's not something anyone else should be doing. Keep a copy of the test results when you tell him if you want.
Yes he will need the time. But as much as you want him to be there for the daughter, you need to clear it out with him directly and also be prepared for that fact that he might not want to.
You won't know unless you actually talk to him. Make an attempt from your side. You can't wait for him to contact you. Maybe he is waiting for you to confirm it. You never know.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 January 2015):
 It is not up to your friend to be telling him the results of the paternity test, that is up to you, or the courts.
Pick up the phone and give him a call, ask him if he would like a copy of the results for his records. Let him know that you understand this is a truth that he may need some time to accept, but that you really want him to be part of your daughter's life, you are ready for him to meet her and he just needs to say the word, and that you will be looking at the legal ramifications over the next month or two, including finding out how to claim child support from him.
Then leave it for a few weeks to give him time to contemplate, and think things over, and then, regardless if he has contacted you or not, start legal proceedings.
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