A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I am currently in a "relationship" with this guy named X. We must be FWB's because we've agreed that we aren't calling each other bf/gf. My question could be complicated for some, mostly because I don't know how to ask it. But I was wondering if someone can tell me if I might be hurting X's feelings. He told me that he wanted me to be "his" over text and he wanted it to be official. I said yes at first. But after the text we met up and he asked me again so it could be "more official". Then I told him I was actually afraid of taking it further and he assured me it was okay with him if we didn't label our relationship. Now that I think about it, I wonder if I'm being too cold. I have been hurt and betrayed in the past and I've come to accept that almost all relationships will end. It's only a matter of time and there's no point in having expectations or being emotionally tied to one person. Better no emotions at all, I've figured. But I live with married couple and they're inadvertently forcing me to think of X's feelings. How do I get over my past relationships, and how do I handle the one I'm currently in?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2015):
 Don't compare him to exes. I know that is easier said then done, but it's really unfair of you holding back because OTHERS have hurt you in the past. That is not really HIS fault is it?
Go slow.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Being WITH someone is a risk. There is no doubt. But the rewards are also MUCH "bigger" than just a shag-buddy thing. Even in a FWB you can get hurt. Because at some point in time he will LOOK elsewhere for a GF. Because HE WANTS a GF and a full relationship. Not just to be your human dildo. If that happens, even IF you think you are casual IT WILL sting.
Think about it. Is he worth the risk or not?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 January 2015):
 You write: "He told me that he wanted me to be "his" over text and he wanted it to be official. "
This is a common situation, that we see on this site. It is this: Two people are "FWB". After a while, one "falls for" the other.... i.e.: (develops more-traditional, romantic feelings for him/her). Whilest it seems more-common that the lady changes to those romantic feelings, it's not unheard-of that the guy may do the same....
The result is that you (two) must decide that you will EITHER, become a romantic, traditional "couple"... OR, you will continue as FWB... OR you will go your separate ways... I believe that you and "B/F" will have to make this choice. It looks like he's cast his vote. Now you have to cast your's...
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): Being afraid to be hurt again is the same as being afraid to live. This is how life is, you get hurt, you fall then you get up and go on.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (11 January 2015):
 Avoiding emotions and love is more silly than getting into a relationship that might end painfully. At least in one of these options, you have a CHANCE.
Regarding his feelings, if you simply don't want to be with him, then you shouldn't force yourself to spare his feelings. But just consider opening up for your own happiness
~SY
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 January 2015):
 You get over the past relationships by having a "relationship" as you say, with this guy. If you are happy with each other, that's what it counts. He is taking a risk with you when you are unsure. Every relationship has its risks but more so when you start out as FWBs.
If you are dating other guys, then do the nice thing and let him go.
If you like him and would get attached to him as time goes by, take it one day at a time and see if your interactions might change the way you look at relationships.
If you are being bitter and have negative views towards relationship, you aren't really considering if one is boyfriend material. You are just taking whoever comes along and filling the time. He on the other hand is patient and waiting for you that one day you would want a relationship.
You are already giving him mixed messages. Yes it's true that it's his decision too but I do not want to be possibly playing with someone's feelings. So if you do not see him as boyfriend ever just let him go. You are not thinking of relationships right now, but for your friend's sake, imagine if he could ever be the one down the road. If the answer is not a resounding yes, just let him go.
For FWBs turn into relationships it would be sheer luck, and it should be taken with a casual attitude like you don't care how the result is, if it happens then great, if not, oh well. Otherwise there would be a lot of jealousy, trust issues and lots of tears. Even if you are not the one investing a lot, it still hurts you that someone close to you are.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (11 January 2015):
He seems like a nice guy to accept your choice. Plus don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.
See how it goes. If you get comfortable enough you might think of taking it further.
But ill tell you this, while most relationships don't work out, always remember, that every person is different from the other. So, no two relationships can be the same. So, don't ever compare your past to the present or future. Learn from your mistakes yes. But don't judge your situations in relation to your past. Sometimes, we actually miss out on the good things in our life because we spend more time relating it to past experiences and being skeptical of it.
If you have been hurt, then you are definitely strong enough to handle yourself if things do not work out. What's the worst that could happen then ;)
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