A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, my ex boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me for the second time. We were in an overly committed relationship. He has a couple of mental conditions on his hands that he hasn't dealt with before the start of our relationship that he has been trying to deal with and he said that the reason we broke up twice was that the degree of care i showed him was not there. The first time round, we remained in contact still being emotionally vulnerable to one another (i still love/miss u etc.) and i had constantly pressured him to give it another try until he gave in. This time, however, he has become more and more distant. He is scared and hurt especially having had similar childhood experiences. I have been giving him space as he hasn't been replying me to retreat into his "man cave" but i seem to be everything he knew and he has no fallback. I do feel that this is not a lost cause because we both love each another very much. I know that he's still the one i want to be with for the rest of my life, i have only been encouraging to him (i want to be understanding) but it feels like time isn't what i have and i feel so hurt.My faith is shaky. What should i do? Any advices will be greatly appreciated:)
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 January 2015):
 You may have different visions in life and he put more of a priority towards relationships because perhaps he's never had love in his life. However I don't see that if one person is not putting as much effort then it's a deal breaker. At your age you should be focusing on academics and career.
You not having enough time for him is also a separate issue from his mental breakdown. He might be blaming his emotional issues on you.
Unless you were cheating I don't see what you did wrong. As you said you love each other very much. He would be hurt no matter what you do. His constantly being "injured" might be a way to extract love and care from you. He worries if he stops being hurt you would stop caring for him. It's an unhealthy way to live.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was the one who hurt him:(*
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do find myself at fault too in this case, my ex has always been such a giver (he gave everything for my happiness, he made sacrifices for me) he loved me like no other. He gave me his world but it seemed to him that he was only a part of mine. I tend to be not very expressive with my love and therefore, the regret. I want to show this man that i'll put a fight for him how much he means to me but i'm struggling myself with the unreciprocated love he displays currently. Thank you for ur advice, it gave me a new perspective on this matter:)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (11 January 2015):
I think you have done enough. He's the one giving you a hard time. He's the one giving up and when you gave him space he responded to that with "the degree of caring you showed him was not there." It's like no matter what you do you can't satisfy him.
I am a compassionate person but I am only nice as long as the other person wants to be in the relationship. I am open minded enough to date people who are not neurotypical. I am also very intellectual and likes to do research and play psychologist. But I know when to give up and call it quits. Some people just can't be saved and I don't have all the time to hope that they recover. If you are 18 and you feel you don't have time for this because it's the truth. You should be active, happy, exploring the world, and not drown in someone else's sorrow.
You have to think about your happiness too. There's no relationship when you can't reason with your partner. He will be expecting you to come back to him when he feels alone again. You will be tempted to go back to him, relive good times but it wouldn't be long until he falls back to man cave. The only hope you have is that some people with mental illness do recover completely. But you don't have to cling onto hope and then worry if he would relapse. There are more men you are yet to meet. If you had been married for more than 10 years and your husband suffers depression of course you would be supportive but you are walking right into this without experiencing true happiness and his reciprocation, his offers to make you happy. You become his sole emotional care taker and that drains you. You are too young for this. You must have a caring supportive personality to attract men with problems so be careful who you date. Let the right guy deserve this good quality, not one who leaves you hanging and hurt.
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