A
female
age
41-50,
*uzzedluv
writes:I am new at this lol never posted a quetion before but her it goes......it is kind of long. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. I have children from previous marriage and he treats them as his own. He is very selfless and kind. Now with that said here is my problem,,, he was very permiscuous in his past. when we met he told me something like 80 women but now of course he changed it to 20 something. I am very insecure the woman he has been with are on the opposite side of the solar system than me. most of the girls he has been with were the party type ....drugs and things... He has been with younger women...for instance I found out from a friend of an ex that she was 16 when he was 23 dating her......I didnt like that...at all! but he told me she was at least 17 and that he was told she was 18....high school drop out and did drugs. Then he is been with the older women up to maybe 40 when he was younger.....wild type that worked at a bar...(nothing wrong with that) but I am shy quiet and conservative..... he has been with extremely skinny to the much bigger....all races... boobs that range from size F to A..... just everything.....all of this has left me so insecure..... I am 5'8" thin.... curvy hips and such..... nothing on my bod stands out. and to top it off since I have children I have stretch marks.....and I feel so ugly knowing the thin girls he had been with that didnt have kids no stretch marks or messed up mid section.he tells me all of the time I am beautiful and the best he has ever had...... but I dont know if he just says that to make nme feel better.He wants to get married but I cant commit knowing I will have these feeling in my head. He always tells me girls like me never gave him a chance before and now his life is so much better and purposeful...so I dont want to hurt him.....I just need some insight. I worry not only if he truly finds me attractive but also since it was so easy for him to just go out there and sleep around if he could cheat on me.....And I know this is going to sound horrible but I have had to meet a couple of his exes due to his children and it disgusted me to the point I didnt want sexual relations....... I know that is wrong and I need help overcoming this.
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boobs, drugs, his ex, insecure, shy, stretch marks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (29 January 2013):
 I see several things that are currently bothering you and you are trying to silence the warning voice in your head. My question to you, is why would you want to silence this voice?
I sense the following turmoil:
1) You don't consider yourself as attractive to the women of his past. Sure, on a scale of 1 to 10, you might fall in the upper middle, but the deal is your boyfriend has chosen to be with YOU. That should say something about your character and most importantly, you have an inner beauty and chemistry that the others didn't have. Also, your boyfriend wouldn't continue to be with you if he wasn't at least on some level physically attracted to you. Trust me on that one.
2) You are still coming to grips with his choice of women in the past. You have a right to be concerned. Promiscuous guys, at least indicate to me, a willingness to jump into bed with anyone. If your boyfriend has a history of cheating or other philanderous behavior, you should reconsider your choice of boyfriends -- or at least keep your guard up. He may also not regard sexual fidelity in the same light as you -- which is another HUGE red flag.
3) Exes never go away -- especially if they have children with one another. If you chose to remain with this man, you will likely run into one another. Can you deal with it? Are you on board with being a step parent and all that it entails? Are your kids ready to have step brothers and sisters?
I don't think you need help getting over this. You need help ACCEPTING it. If there was a magic way to get over it, you'd be overlooking the obvious red flags that are involved with this guy. What you may be experiencing is your inner conscious warning you to be careful. Given your boyfriend's past indiscretions, keep an eye out and don't ignore your feelings and fears.
Eddie
A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 I really think it's not the past of the boyfriend you've got an issue with but it's an issue with yourself and this is your own insecurities. You feel unattractive because of these 'skinny' women and you say about stretch mark, so what..... none of those mean you're ugly if he tells you he thinks you're beautiful i think he is very genuine.Yes he's had these in the past but he's also dumped them he wants to commit to you and until you sort these issues you have out about yourself i don't think you should commit until you're fully comfortable with yourself not so paranoid at what he's done in the past and focus on what he thinks of you and the future you have.If you feel so uncomfortable about your stretch marks speak to your doctors see if they can help you let them know how you feel and also let your boyfriend know how you feel so you have a support network to help you through this.Just trust me i'm sure you're just as beautiful as he says you are and probably a billion times better than these others he's had.Try and focus on yours and his relationship the now and the future.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): I think you need to figure out what part(s) of his past is really bothering you. Is it your disgust at his choices of past partners? Is it your insecurities about him finding you attractive next to all of them? It is your worry about him being faithful given what you know? Is it your distaste for his promiscuity in general?
Some of these things can be dealt with better than others. Insecurities and faithfulness concerns can be put to rest with evidence and trust. In fact I think you owe it to him to try to get over that stuff. But your being turned off by his behaviors on principle and choices of partners is not very fixable. I don't think you owe it to him to get over that stuff you don't like it. His choices, his consequences.
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