A
male
age
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*iotta
writes:hi,i'm 48 yr old man, been married 18 yrs, one child, 3 months ago i meant a woman, 45 yrs old, it started out with a casual flirt which later ended up with lunch dates everyday for a month, during our lunch encounters we learned we basically are the same person except she's in female form. we are exactly alike yet different to the point that are differences are the same. well she and i ended up txtn, talkin, emailing each other everyday. after 1 month i ended up getting a new job in different location in the stateapplied for position before i met herwhat has happened is that i love this woman immensely and she feels sameshe told me first that she loves me. i still love my wife but i'm not in love with her, our relationship has waned for the past 7 yrs, one point my wife told me i need to get a girlfriend cause of my high libido, she even told me during an arguement that she hates me, i've suggested counseling but she refuses. well my new butterfly has a high libido as well, now heres the kicker, we havent had sex, had many chances but we really enjoy each other company, yes we kiss and make out, we've talked about sex but we get caught up in other things we're doing together, strange isn't it,my wife and i haven't had sex in 6 months. my new butterfly is gorgeous with the perfect bikini body, first i thought i was afraid to have sex because of the adultery thing but thats not the case. i truly love this woman and can't think of my life without her, she thinks i should stay with my wife because of the kid, hes 9,i want to be happy and the last 3 months with her have been fulfilling mentally and emotionally.what the heck should i do? my new butterfly is everything i ever wanted in a companion and sh'e expressed that to me as well. confused, happy and in love
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flirt, get a girlfriend, libido, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, yiotta +, writes (31 January 2013):
yiotta is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto anonymous female writer
i have put in effort, 8yrs of effort to salvage what we once had but it's a two way street, my wife refuses, reasons she wont explain to me, to go to counseling, any kind. she hates me because i placed her purse in the trunk of the car, we go into the mall to buy one thing but she wants to buy more things, we were on a very tight budget, anyway she goes back to the car and gets the purse then while in the mall she looses it and blames me then tells me. thank you for placing all blame on me, you must know her
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
 go to your wife tell her you've found a lover and you want to know if she wants you to leave now or just move into the guest room and carry on pretending all is well.
YOU ARE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE. you know that right?
so it's already said and done. you just need to get the lawyers and do the paperwork.
I think that nothing we say will dissuade you from "your butterfly" and therefore the only thing I can do is say
Please be a gentleman and provide nicely for your wife and child. Make sure the butterfly knows that vacations will not be around. that lunch out every day will have to stop as you will not be able to afford it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Sounds like you just want to hear "yea go for it" Seperate legaly and then go with your " butterfly" pppplllleeease your wife deserves you to put the effort you have into your marriage...doesnt she deserve to be treated like a "butterfly" i have a sneaky suspicion you have left out WHY she " hates" you.Sounds like you give ZERO effort...so leave! no having your cake and eating it too, hope your wife finds an Adonis
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Divorce. It's really basic. You're no longer in love and you don't want to work on your marriage either. You've thrown in the towel and with this new relationship blossoming and all your energy going into it rather than your marriage and kids, you probably don't care to make it work at this point either. So go ahead, just initiate divorce papers. What's stopping you? You love this new woman and you want to be with her as opposed to your wife, correct? So why not grow a pair and get on with the show?
Just remember, 3 months is nothing. Everyone is more entertaining at 3 months than they are on the 18th year. Think you'll feel the same way about your butterfly when you've been together for 18 years? Not a chance.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Having a romantic relationship with someone who is not your wife, IS adultery. If what you're doing with her is something you have been keeping secret because you know it would upset your wife, then it is adultery.Second, what do you do about your wife and son? Well. looks like you dont' want to work on your marriage and you dont' want to stay monogamous to your wife. Therefore the only decent and honorable thing to do is to divorce your wife and work out child custody or visitation for your son.but just to warn you, once you're full time with your new woman you might not feel the same. All relationships feel great when they're still new. Your new relationship will develop its own issues if given enough time. That doesn't mean it's doomed to become like your marriage, just that you should be aware that the wiser choice is to realize that you are giving up your marriage/wife for a potential opportunity that could go either way but is a risk you are willing to take. Thinking that you're giving up your marriage for a sure thing, could leave you disappointed in a year or two or more and now without a chance to go back. So make sure that you really are ready to leave your wife permanently even if your new relationship goes sour and leaves you with nothing. Then man up to your wife and admit that you have been cheating on her and you want out of the marriage, and file for divorce, take whatever consequences are coming to you for having committed adultery, and explain to your son why you are leaving his mother.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (28 January 2013):
 So you (temporarily) found a butterfly aged 45; with the same high libido as yourself? Give it another two years when her menopause – Nature kicks in, and we’ll see what you write then!?I agree with CMMP; “you'll find thousands of stories just like yours…” and Serpico; “You've been out of the game for two decades…” Fact is; mirror images of us are illusions, you see what you want to see, hence they are so appealing to our lustrous senses and only target our waning ego!?To date; you’re temporarily experiencing an ego fix or high… It’s like taking a drug; your reality is impeded by this illusionary figure whereby you knowingly forego the side-effects or consequences which can be quite costly in the end!Take Care CCA
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Imagine your wife was doing the same & feeling the same about another man. Would you be ok with it? What would you want her to do - leave for the lover, cheat or stay with you and nourish the relationship?
The grass is greenest where you water it. You're not watering the relationship with your wife. Your making every excuse in the book justifying your actions.
At the very least, ask your wife for a separation. Don't cheat.
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male
reader, yiotta +, writes (28 January 2013):
yiotta is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi cmmp, i've done those items you suggested, the dates, the massages, gifts and things of that nature, i get responses like 'how much does this cost?', 'you're only touching me for a reason', 'this is nice but you can take it back'. i've thought about what if my new butterfly and i didn't work and only thing that came to mind was to continue on with the way it is now. i've seen my new butterfly without makeup, she doesn't wear it, very natural beauty, been in bathroom while she attends to things, she is extremely comfortable around me. she broke it off with me twice sayin she can't anymore it's not right, she's a preacher's daughter, but she ended up calling me within two days wanting to just hang out and we see each other and we're back, she tells me she's never felt this way before.I know it's cliche but i truly believe her, it's gotten to the point where we would just be sitting across from each other not doing any lovey dovey stuff and people would come up to us and say 'it's really nice to see couples who truly love each other' In 3 months i've seen my butterfly in very bad situations and very good situations. to this point only her sister and her best friend know of our relationship.Her father does not know, i've never met him, no one on my side knows, this is first time for me, also her people that know never met me. stop cheating, i want to stop but i really need my butterfly. Like i said, no sex is involved, telling my wife everything would more than likely lead to her throwing me out, then i'd have butterfly outright...not prepared to hurt my wife with this truth yet.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 January 2013):
You've been out of the game for two decades - anyone you meet romatically is going to feel like its amazing.
You have a wife and son, and your committment is to them. All the time and energy you are putting into this new fling, why dont you instead put into your wife.
Like someone below stated, at the very least you need to stop cheating on your wife. You are very close to adultery if not there already, and if that comes out in divorce court you will be (justifiably) ass raped.
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reader, CMMP +, writes (28 January 2013):
First things first: at three months most relationships are perfect and the person you're with is as well; they understand you (the wife never does) they are mad about you (the wife never is), etc.
It's been awhile, but you may remember the vows you took with your own wife. Remember how happy you were on your wedding day and I'm sure you knew you'd always be together.
Unfortunately that doesn't always happen, but you owe it to her to at least remember these things.
"I love her but I'm not in love with her" probably just means that you haven't been nourishing your love. You need to always be adding love because time is always taking it away. Go on dates, give each other massages, give little gifts here and there. Treat her special and the "in love" (and sex) will return.
Search dear cupid for 30 seconds and you'll find thousands of stories just like yours. You may think you know all you need to know about your new girl but you most definitely don't. What would you do if you left your wife and child for this woman and things didn't work out?
Why do you think this new girl likes you? It's because of how you're treating her. When things are new its way to easy to think they're perfect and you've found your soul mate; you've never seen her in the morning without make up, walked into the bathroom after she went poop, etc. At this point it's as much fantasy as it is reality. Don't dismiss what I'm saying because I don't know you. I know people and I've seen it all before.
At the very least you need to stop cheating on your wife and have a talk with her. It'll be difficult but it's the second best thing next to repairing your relationship. Tell her everything but try to spare her feelings as much as you can while still being honest. Maybe she'll agree to opening up your marriage?
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