A
female
age
36-40,
*ipsydoodlenoodle
writes:Well this is a bit stupid to be honest. I just don’t feel I fit anywhere, I think, would people notice if I wasn’t here? (I’m not suicidal or anything like that). I do get involved with friends but I always feel like I’m the odd one out. I’m quiet and shy normally but I’m fine when I’m with my friends. All through school and uni I’ve done boys subjects and I now work in a man's field, so people ask me what I do (I used to do physics) I tell them, they think I’m a freak and then walk away and leave me alone. My friends are all supportive of this. The only place I feel I fit in is at home with my mam and dad. I have a bf but I know he does care, I just feel why should he care about me, there are way better people out there than me. we’ve been going out over 2 years and I still feel this way. I do truly know he cares. I just don’t feel like I fit at his house either (shared accommodation) because there is always someone else around. I feel guilty when I go around and take him away from his friends (he had denied this until he is blue in the face but I still think it), I feel guilty because I don’t like sitting in their lounge, his flatmates new gf (of about 4 weeks) has moved in and she’s happy enough too, and I always feel like I’m in her shadow, because she will. I mean I would but I refuse to have to clean the sofa and move everyone’s rubbish before I sit down (bf said he shouldn’t have to move it either).I wouldn’t mind - but we also generally only see each other on weekends, and being selfish I’d like to spend my few hours with him, and not with his friends. When we first started going out he did ask me to move in, but seriously if you saw the mess or the meters of dust/rubbish on the bathroom floor you wouldn’t either. I would be the only one to clean it and no one else would help, they do clean about once every year and think that’s it until the next year. I do ask my bf to clean his room before I come over (I’m not vain or hard work) its just I can’t actually breathe unless he does, and its not like I do it on purpose, I can’t help it. I don’t feel I fit with his family, his family are all so loud and in your face where I am an only child from a small family who are all way older than me. My youngest cousin is 10 years older than me. His flatmates gf as well will just let herself in the house, help herself to stuff in the fridge, I’m just not like that I was brought up to respect other people. I like the door being opened to me when I arrive, I do have a key for when no one is in, but I wouldn’t like to go in when someone else will be there. I wouldn’t dare go to the fridge and help myself to something in there, who am I to take/eat/drink someone else’s stuff? I know they wouldn’t mind but it’s not the point. I don’t mind someone saying help yourself (even then I’ll sacrifice most of it for other people); it’s just how I was brought up. I’m tall and stick out like a sore thumb, all my female friends are a maximum of 5ft 4 and then there is me 5ft 11 and I feel stupid when standing with them because they all look so nice and cute and girly. I did have an ex bf who was 6ft 2 and he said he feels embarrassed because I’m too tall for him when I wear heels. This didn’t help. My bf now is shorter than me, I don’t mind, it took loads of getting used to to start with, but now it doesn’t matter, it does bother me occasionally e.g. his bro said “you two look like the yellow pages advert” – you know the one where the little boy gets the yellow pages to stand on for a kiss from the girl, and that hurt. I know he didn’t mean anything by it but because I’m sensitive about it anyway and it hurt.Apologies for going off on a tangent at the end there, and for the whole post really... I just needed a rant to get it off my chest. x
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female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle +, writes (22 October 2008):
Dipsydoodlenoodle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey Spirit Of Iona, that was nice, thank you :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): You sound like one pretty fed up lady...
You have a similar upbringing to me, it is more reserved... I won't just walk in someone elses house even though I have been told to do so and when I do I feel awkward I won't help myself to food that isn't mine so I know where you are coming from. Oh and I like to see a clean bathroom and kitchen...
I perceive therefore that you need time to get to know people before you are comfortable with them and are possibly awkward with people you don't know or know very well.
As for your height well there is very little you can really do about that, and all I can say is that we all have things we don't like about ourselves and it is something which I am sure you have conme to accept except in moments when you want to have a dig at yourself or are feeling sorry for yourself...and yes it does hurt when people take a dig at the part of us we ourselves don't like (and at least you have the sense to recognise that point.
As for being a physicist, that makes you an interesting woman and obviously a threat to some of those males with ego problems...don't put yourself down 'boy' subjects and 'mans field' wash your mouth out with soap... if I'd have said that I would be being sexist, If you enjoy it go for it, after all you have to work at the job possibly to 65 or even 70...and anyway it doesn't make you any less of a woman... It is only a job after all.
You say you only feel you fit in at home... that is quite normal as they are your parents and you their daughter. You can be yourself there and they will treat you as their girl, crucially they love you as you are... not judging you by your job... or your height... or your looks they love you for you.
As for you... you are a credit to your parents, intelligent and as far as the post reveals kind, considerate and sensitive and a catch for any guy. So don't worry too much about your height or your career choice, if guy's are put off by them then they are too shallow to bother about.
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