A
female
age
36-40,
*rtpup
writes:Hi there, I know I may not hear what I want to hear, but I'd like to get some perspective on my situation. I'm sorry if it's a bit long, but bear with me.I'm just about 23 and my boyfriend is 24. We will have been together 18 months as of September 2009.After 4 months together, he went away on a 6 month trip around Europe, which he'd been planning since before we were together. I met up with him for 2 weeks of his trip and it was amazing, and things have been great since he's been back.The thing I have worries about is that he doesn't love me. I've told him on a few occasions that I love him, and we've talked about his feelings - but not while sober which I guess is another issue. He knows how I feel and he says he isn't sure he feels the same. Our relationship is great, he is so kind and loving to me and we get along incredibly well. We're extremely comfortable around each other and our sex life is great as well. It's everything I've ever wanted in a relationship - the only thing I can fault is that he doesn't say he loves me. I'm not even one of those girls that wants to hear it all the time, because his actions are so loving. It's just the fact that the last time I brought it up, he said he wasn't sure.So... if anyone has any words of wisdom to offer?
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female
reader, artpup +, writes (15 February 2010):
artpup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've nearly hit 2 years together now and he still won't tell me how he feels. I've pretty much been living with him at his parents house, which is not ideal but neither of us can afford to move out at the moment. The issue now is that I asked him if he would want to live with me and he said he wouldn't want to do that for a few years at least.
It doesn't make sense to me because we are pretty much living together now. I know it would be a different situation if we had our own place and had to look after all the food, bills etc., but I think that we get along so well it would be a good challenge for us. Perhaps he really isn't ready for any type of commitment. It upset me when he said that "didn't I think we were just having fun at the moment".
Yes, we have fun, but I want to know that he actually wants me around and wouldn't just not mind either way whether I was there or not.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 perhaps he would rather express his love to you maybe he isn't good at sharing feelings some guys aren't
i know i'm like that i am a really loving girl but sometimes i find it difficult to share my feelings with people.
he could be wanting to make sure that he doe love you so he doesn't give you false hope and doesn't say something to you he doesn't mean.
i understand it'll get frustrating for you but maybe he wants to take his time and actually mean it rather than for you say it and him to just reply it back to you maybe he feels it would be better if he expressed it Spontaneously and meant it with depth because alot of guys will just say it because you say it and not mean it.
i guess he wants to take his time to fall in love with you and express it.
all i can say is just chill out with him for a bit let him do what he does and let the moment take you with it.
:)
hope this helps.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Firstly, it is actions rather than words that you need to take notice of in men. If his actions are kind, generous, thoughtful, sensitive, then he loves you. Love is also a verb, or a doing word, ie. to love someone is something you DO, not something you say you do. It does sound like he loves you. Maybe watch him carefully - make sure you are being objective. Love is also being sensitive to someone's feelings, which he is not when you are left feeling insecure. I would hold off on telling him you love him, take a step back a little bit and let him persue you. That way, you don't put yourself in a vulnerable position, and can feel stronger in your relationship. Hopefully, he will notice a change and will realise how lucky he is to have you, and that he'd better let you know how he feels. It does concern me that he isn't sure how he feels when he tries to verbalise them, as if he was 100% sure about his relationship with you then he wouldn't have a problem with letting you know. So I'd sit back a bit and wait and see. If he is the one for you, then things will work out, but just remember that if things don't turn out how you'd like, there is a man out there for you who won't hesitate in telling you how much he cares for you. Good luck :)
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