A
male
age
30-35,
mawk89
writes:I remember being a kid and watching those corny teen movies like “Can’t Hardly Wait” and I recall thinking that the nice guy always gets the girl and believing that is how it really is. But as I got older I came to learn that Hollywood is full of lairs and that the nice guy really does finish last. Most women will say that they want a nice, sweet guy that will take care of them, be romantic, make them smile and laugh, listen to them, be loyal ETC but in reality that kind of guy always ends up in the friend zone while she goes out and dates guys who pay more attention to there Abs and car then to her while her “buddy” sits at home with his xbox and right hand. He will always just be the friend whose there to hug her when her jerk of a boyfriend broke her heart for the millionth time. This baffled me for years: Why, do women so blindly throw themselves into those kinds of relationships? The answer finally hit me just recently, it’s because that “nice guy” is not enough of a challenge. Girls don’t want a guy who is willing to treat them like a queen right of the bat, they want someone who they constantly need to work to gain there attention, to have him notice her. A guy who is an asshole will turn any girl on rather consciously or psychologically. When I say asshole I don’t mean like telling her she is ugly and fat kind of asshole but the asshole who will ignore her, flirt with other girls when she is around, blow her off to play beer pong. Many girls are going disagree with me and tell me how wrong I am and how they prefer a nice guy who will pay attention to them and make them feel beautiful; Yes, in the long run, that is what all women want but they want to earn that affection. That guy who will come up to you at the bar and tell her that he thinks she is the most gorgeous girl in the world will just get a rejection number. Trust me on this one, I speak from experience..years of sad experience. So guys, the next time you are at the bar and you see that Gorgeous blonde be a complete jerk and your chances of going home with her increase dramatically.
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female
reader, This_face  +, writes (23 December 2008):
I can't agree with you. I'd go for a nice guy over a not so nice guy any day. The nice guys seem a lot harder to find though and sometimes compromising might seem easier. As far as the friends thing, maybe the girls are afraid to go out with those guys as if they do they may ruin a perfectly fine friendship and loose the one guy that was there for them so much. Also, a lot of the nice guys have girlfriends, and so they are off limits. Nice guys are great and in my opinion very good "material". Not all people will agree with me, but I'd have to say I'm sorry you feel the need to change who you are. If you are unhappy being the unnice guy maybe you should change? It's better to be happy than to have it all easily and be unhappy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2008): haha you sound like you are on to something
Ever head of the Mystery Method? It is a book
playing off that idea... Nice guys come a dime a dozen
Read it, I don't know how effective the techniques are
anymore since the VH1 show came out - the Pickup Artist
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): Well I don't agree with you being so general about women, everyone is different. Sure, there can be 'types' of people but they aren't the same, obviously you have been chasing the wrong kind of girl. From the sounds of things in your question, you may be giving off the wrong signal to girls. It is a good thing to be a nice guy but theres nice in a brotherly-friend way and theres nice in a romantic, attractive way. If a guy came up to me in a bar and told me I was gorgeous, ok I'd probably get really embarrassed and back off but I would still be incredibly flattered and think that the guy was really sweet.
However, saying things like that in a bar wouldn't really get you anywhere meaningful anyway, I usually assume any guy I don't know who speaks to me in a bar is trying to get something. Not many meaningful relationships start off in a bar, especially for nice guys looking for nice girls.
But its not true that nice guys always end up as just 'friends', I was with my jerk of a boyfriend (who started off as a 'nice guy') when my friend supported me (horrible relationship with jerk boyfriend) he hugged me when my heart was broken a million times over and hated my boyfriend and not being able to be with me and make me happy. I fell in love with my friend, hes the nicest, kindest man I have ever met. Hes nice but hes also romantic, like movie romantic. He was the nice guy and he won. We've now been together for a year, hes still a 'nice guy' and I love him more than ever.
It does happen, you just need to look in the right place and don't lose faith.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): Nice Guys go after bad girls too.Why don't you start looking for the sweet,shy and demure girl?Is she not enough of a challenge?
If a guy who I never met came up and told me,"You look gorgeous" as the very first sentence,I wouldn't even label him as a nice guy.
Atleast the jerk is being honest.Both of you want the same thing.To go home with her at the end of the night.
I for one don't see what's the "Nice Guy" label about that.
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female
reader, Shade'sGirl +, writes (7 December 2008):
I think that's really off to be honest. My fiance is the most charming, wonderful nice guy. I've never liked the jerks.
A guy will appear nice and turn into a jerk when he feels comfortable in your company and feels like you wont leave even if he turns on you
Most guys just take advantage of girls but girls do it too! I've had enough male friends to know that girls are just as bad to them as they are to us!
And not all girls like the bad guys, in fact more and more people are just wooed because the guy is sweet and that in turn makes them not want to leave when he is an asshole to them. Kind of like they are hoping to see the nice guy again
That's my opinion on it
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): OMG! You will never guess what!!! I read over your page yesterday and last night . . . Well I had this dream . . . You see one of my best friends is a guy hes amazing we share like a thousand things in common but I was going out with his brother we went out for about 9 months and with in than time me n my guy friend grew closer and closer. I used to turn to him for help when things wer'nt goin well with his bro. (who is now my ex) My ex was bi (like me) but would flirt ALL the time with other girls and guys . . . one day I found out he was cheeting on me and it soon all ended. The thing is everyone kept saying that he fancied me! I always said he dint we were just close but we did flirt ALOT and we no each other inside out! Anyway this dream . . . I was on the school bus my bf sat next to me and my guy friend sat infrount. (It was scary it was an exact flash back but in my dream every last detail!) Then my bf walks over to one of his female friends gets on top of her laughs and ses "see she does more than you do"! My guy friend turns and looks at me. But then something happens that I've never seen before. Everything goes wierd in slow mo. Then suddenly I'm on an empty bus at the back with my guy friend, he turns to me and says "How can you put up with this!?! I would never do this to you!!! I've always been there you just did'nt realise." I shout "Of coures I did" But I wake up before he hears me . . . The thing is everything . . . in that page of yours its worrying me now! The thing is I no he does'nt love me! I've asked him before and he denies it. Also my best female friend is in love with him and has asked him out but he really does'nt like her! Do you think hes my nice guy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Maybe youre hitting on the "not so nice girls" Instead of looking for the most beautiful girl in world, or that proverbial gorgeous blonde, search for someone with more substance like being a really nice girl. It's not accurate to stereo-type all women or all men. Keep searching! Your young and you have the rest of your like ahead. You will find someone!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Your question comes up every once in a while. I always give the floor to women, by giving guys this link:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml.
There you go.
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female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Okay, I am going to start by saying, some girls are like this, but not all of them. Some are like that, but they are constantly looking for attention, and want to see who's the next guy she can get with. However, this is not true for all girls, some girls would be thrilled to have a guy who respects them, and treats them properly. Don't say ALL women, because (just a friendly warning), some will take pleasure hunting you down, making you retract every word you said..:). Either way, don't go around thinking like this, the girls you are describing, don't know what they're missing.
I've never had a boyfriend or anything, but I can tell you this, if a guy, started ignoring me, ditching me (if we made plans of course), and just being a total, inconsiderate jerk, trust me, he'd be my EX before you could even say the word 'dumped'. I wouldn't stand for it, I'd want to be treated with respect, I'm not saying 24/7 attention, just what you'd expect. So that proves that all girls aren't like that. And if you disagree with me on this one, I will be part of that crowd hunting you down :).
Either way, don't go labeling all women, you will find someone you love in time, and she won't go leaving you for the guys you have been describing, when you do find that someone, you'll realize, that the nice guy won, and they finished last after all.
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male
reader, mawk89 +, writes (4 December 2008):
mawk89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not bitter. I was just pointing out trend I have been seeing. Hopefully you're right and not all women are like that just the ones I have met. I don't just pay attention to the drop dead super model look-a-likes at the club, I notice every girl and they all seem to react the same way towards the nice guy act. Honestly, I stopped the whole nice guy act and its been working out quiet well for me. The less I seem to want her the more she wants me. I hate it, because its so hard for me to act like that but it seems like its the only thing that works. I guess its all about playing the game.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 December 2008):
 I'm sorry you're so young and sound so bitter. I married my nice guy, so there's happy endings there. Well, at least for me, you'd have to ask him if he thinks that was a happy ending. ;)
Look, you obviously are meeting rather shallow girls. Are you looking in the bar scene for them? Maybe you're overlooking some of the perfectly wonderful but not drop dead gorgeous sexy girls around you. You might think they're a little boring or a little plain and perhaps a bit on the well-padded size, and not pay them any attention. Just like the shallow partying drama queens you seem to want don't pay any attention to those guys who don't fit their current idea of what's hot. Trust me, the definition of 'hot' changes for a woman as she matures and hopefully gets wiser.
One thing I want to warn you about, bitterness is a major chick repellent. Yep, it is. So you might pay attention to your attitude when you run into those girls you've been overlooking. And your last bit of advice, if you act like a complete jerk to a smart woman, she'll cut you off at the knees.
Open your eyes, and look around you at all the relationships people of all ages and sizes enjoy. Put away that sign you've got hanging around your neck. The one that says, "Looking for love. Only gorgeous women need apply."
Take good care of yourself and treat people with dignity and you'll be surprised.
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A
female
reader, Anne-Marie x +, writes (4 December 2008):
 Although this article does contain some truth not every female fits in to this criteria there are a few girls who feel like they dont want to be in dead end relationships with jerks and do go for the "nice guy" and stay with him and to those of us who are like that it is like an insult. do not catagorise all females in this way as you have not met every girl on earth. oh and guys dont act like complete jerks when you want to be with someone because it will not raise your chances of getting with them x
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