A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:where do I begin....I have been married for almost 5 years. I have two beautiful children and thought myself to be happy... and yet the more my husband is promoted, he has become more critical, more insulting, more demanding, more controlling. If he does not get what he wants the EXACT way and time that he wants it... he becomes absolutely LIVID! He shouts at me and insults me in front of the children and I feel so hurt when he does that. I am vulgar and ungrateful when I answer back or defend myself. As for the love making.. I used to enjoy it (after all I love him), but recently I can't bring myself to initiate anything. I am turned off by the thought of him touching me only a few hours after he just shouted at me or insulted me. Yesterday he cold me a pathetic cold fish.. and that I should not blame him for any decisions he will under take.I want to leave him, but I know he will take my children away from me. Our society will always see the man's way as the right way!! talking to him will not help... he refuses to listen... after all what do I know? I am ignorant compared to his vast knowledge and experience! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): you can record him while he insults you or calls you " pathetic cold fish" or other names. Then you ask him kindly "why do you talk like that in front of our children oh please... " - I believe you HINTING him about not properly educating his sons will make him more verbally furious. Then there's your evidence - if you ever decide to leave. It's a good start. Record that tape. Now... what he does to you is very insulting and very low and dirty, just because he earns more money that you do. And... I doubt your children are mentally protected living in such a home. Have you discussed already with your husband about this kindly and peacefully. I doubt that. It's hard to change someone's character, way of being. I'm sry about all these. All the best in what you decide
A
female
reader, pgissyd  +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Considering where you live its a difficult one. In most countries there is some sort of protection system for women and children. i strongly reccomend that you find someone in your area who knows about the rights of women in your area and can act on your behalf. Im guessing that he is physically abusing you as well as the mental abuse? Even if he has never laid a hand on you, what he is doing is mental abuse and it is highly frowned upon regardless of your country. If he shows no sign of change I would suggest getting out of there with your children. but get professional help to do so. If you and your children are at risk from him, mentally or physically, you will get the help you need.
Fingers crossed for you , love issy xxx
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A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (22 November 2007):
 Have you tried sitting him down and asking him what his problem is? I assume he was a bit more pleasant before he got promoted?! Tell him you find life with him unbearable and you expect him to help you find a solution for the problem. Sometimes people aren't even aware how awful they are. Maybe you should set up a video recorder or dictaphone and record him when he's having one of his rants, and play it back to him! If some months down the line nothing changes, then it may be time to cut your losses. Regards taking your children away, it's actually the other way round. Courts will always favour the mother unless it can be proved that you're an unfit one, so don't let that stop you leaving a miserable relationship!
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